Darth Putin

@DarthPutinKGB • 636,836 subscribers

Czar for life of all Russians. Master Strategist. Tea connoisseur. Window installer. Author. Wanted in 123 countries. Parody, apparently.

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Live Cam

Darth Putin

Shorts

The Russian economy is rapidly transitioning to the cloud.

A day ago we killed around 30 civilians in Kiev. Apparently this isn't worth a mention on Amnesty International's main account. Wonder why.

Peskov: "Russia has never started a world war" The history of Russia:

The only tank in today's victory parade was a T-34. When it heard it was to be sent to Ukraine it tried to play dead.

"You can literally see other state's intentions in real time". Like when they park nearly 200,000 soldiers on a country's border after saying said country shouldn't exist. Which causes us to say stuff like this....

In response to Leopards &amp; Abrams, Russia will deploy our Amrata tank which will prevent any retreat as it can't move.

Have to admire Amnesty International for consistency. Its becoming normal that they won't mention our endless attacks on civilians. They probably wonder how things like this get normalized.

For some reason Agnes Callamard hasn't mentioned our deliberate killing of civilians with ballistic missiles over the past few days. Wonder why. Other crimes against humanity seem to get their due attention...

OTD in 1939 the German–Soviet victory parade took place in Polish town of Brest-Litovsk. As allies, we celebrated liberating Poland from the Poles

Ever noticed that your dog is so happy when you put a collar on it?

Our response to Ukraine's strike program in one video. He might as well piss on it.

Day 1546 of my 3 day war. Russia never loses wars*. Ukraine is Russia and Ukrainians are Russians. Therefore, Russia is winning this war whilst losing it. I remain a master strategist.

Here's one donkey that's going to the front line. The one that made an analogy for Russia by going back instead of forward with me in charge of it.

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Fuel crisis in Moscow isn't all bad. It'll be easy to find everyone for the mobilisation. I remain a master strategist.

I hate it when my trolls claim those innocent guys who totally weren't GRU were deliberately burned alive. It means I have to post the video of them throwing the petrol bombs that they later killed themselves with. All my trolls are morons.

There are not petrol shortages on the Moscow - Saint Petersburg highway. It is a Special Queuing Operation.

This crying woman telling what Ukrainian drone strikes were like in Novorossiysk show how Russians have a very high tolerance for pain. Other people's. Not our own.

Everything is going to plan. Please ignore the very loud distractions distractions. There are no petrol shortages, they are "special queuing operations". Everything is going to plan.

North Koreans troll me with mass group of sunflowers.

Ukraine will keep hitting Russian oil refineries. Russia is unable to stop this. For the sake of peace Russia should cede territory, commit to de-armament &amp; be neutral. Noam Chomsky

I hate it when my trolls claim we got a promise from NATO. It means I have to post this video of Gorby saying we didn't.

OTD in 1941 the Soviets had a military parade in Moscow. So they invited their Nazis allies cos it would be rude not to.

The Russian military sitzkrieg is spreading to society.

Crimean tourism advert: "You come to Crimea for the beaches. You stay cos Ukrainians are destroying our logistics system and there's no fuel to drive home afterwards"

There is one universal rule. Whenever Moscow is thrown out of a country, mass celebrations happen

Citizens in newly liberated parts of Donetsk express delight that Kremlin has replaced drinking water with coffee on tap for every resident.

Western sanctions flop as Russian residents enjoy strong, pungent odour of fountain of free coffee….

Day 1274 of my 3 day war. It's going so well that a country with massive reserves of oil is running out of fuel. I remain a master strategist.

The stone age did not end cos they ran out of stone. But when it runs out of oil, Russia's army will return to the stone age.

Imperialists provide video evidence of Gorby saying there was no promise, as it was illegal &amp; impossible as well as the texts of treaties. And this vid of Prez accidently forgetting we totally got a promise, Tankies provide the voices in their heads.

This war isn't for western defence contractor's profits, it for Russian flag makers and florists.

In response to Leopards & Abrams, Russia will deploy our Amrata tank which will prevent any retreat as it can't move.

Ukraine will keep hitting Russian oil refineries. Russia is unable to stop this. For the sake of peace Russia should cede territory, commit to de-armament & be neutral. Noam Chomsky

Imperialists provide video evidence of Gorby saying there was no promise, as it was illegal & impossible as well as the texts of treaties. And this vid of Prez accidently forgetting we totally got a promise, Tankies provide the voices in their heads.