Bobby Fijan

There’s been some confusion/comments about my use of the phrase “pull the goalie” … so I’ll explain what it means, why I use it and why I think it’s the right starting point to use for defining urban Family Friendly housing Like from this clip from Marley and Me, it has simply meant a couple having sex, while being open to having kids. The word " trying" can feel really strange at first ... so it's just the shift from preventing a pregnancy to being willing for one to happen. And there’s a very big difference between getting pregnant and deciding to be willing to get pregnant. That difference is *key* when it comes both to designing housing and to making a City more family friendly. I know plenty of couples who have gotten pregnant immediately, like on the honeymoon. And for others it has taken years of ACTUAL trying (tracking cycles, having sex at specific times of day, hormones, IVF) ... and for some of our friends despite all efforts it just has not happened. Only God knows when or if a couple will have a baby. Babies truly are a miracle. (On a related note, Marley and Me is a beautiful movie in telling the story of wanting a family and losing a baby. My wife and I have lost children, so we know a *bit* of what the heartbreak of miscarriage is like) But the shift for a couple to become WILLING to have a baby is one of the core reasons people struggle to have kids in cities. If someone looks around their apartment and thinks, “There is no way we could raise a baby here,” then they’re less likely to stop using birth control. Your home has to feel like it could accommodate a baby. A "Baby Maybe" home: a second small bedroom or a tiny home office, that could have be a nursery in a pinch. It enables the small, almost subconscious, mental threshold where you say, “You know what … we’d be fine if this happened.” That’s the moment. And for each couple, there will be 1000 other things that go into the equation: Can we afford for 1 of us to stay home, or full-time childcare? Do we see other kids around us? Is it safe enough for kids? Are there parks nearby? Do we need to be closer to family and cousins? All will be different for each family, but they ALL require that their current home is sufficient to be able to have a kid Otherwise, as soon as a couple finds out they are pregnant ... they call their parents, friends and family and tell them the good news ... and then immediately look on Zillow to move right away so they aren't giving birth AND moving the same time. It's kind of a bummer in an otherwise wonderful magical moment. We've seen many many couples move out of the City at that exact period. "Well, since we are moving anyway, we might as well go to where we think we will live long term." But it doesn't need to be that. Babies are small. At least for the first year, if you have a place to put them you're probably better off just staying in your current place and then figuring things out later. Maybe you DO need to move to the suburbs or be closer to family or you want a house with a yard. But that decision doesn't need to be right away. TLDR: Family Friendly housing doesn’t begin at birth. It begins when a couple can imagine a child fitting into their current home ... whether that's a rowhome with tiny bedrooms or a 1BR+Den apartment.

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