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Darth Putin

@DarthPutinKGB • 637,419 subscribers

Czar for life of all Russians. Master Strategist. Tea connoisseur. Window installer. Author. Wanted in 123 countries. Parody, apparently.

Shorts

A day ago we killed around 30 civilians in Kiev. Apparently this isn't worth a mention on Amnesty International's main account. Wonder why.

A day ago we killed around 30 civilians in Kiev. Apparently this isn't worth a mention on Amnesty International's main account. Wonder why.

424,597 Aufrufe

Peskov: "Russia has never started a world war" The history of Russia:

Peskov: "Russia has never started a world war" The history of Russia:

193,372 Aufrufe

"You can literally see other state's intentions in real time". Like when they park nearly 200,000 soldiers on a country's border after saying said country shouldn't exist. Which causes us to say stuff like this....

"You can literally see other state's intentions in real time". Like when they park nearly 200,000 soldiers on a country's border after saying said country shouldn't exist. Which causes us to say stuff like this....

94,292 Aufrufe

For some reason Agnes Callamard hasn't mentioned our deliberate killing of civilians with ballistic missiles over the past few days. Wonder why. Other crimes against humanity seem to get their due attention...

For some reason Agnes Callamard hasn't mentioned our deliberate killing of civilians with ballistic missiles over the past few days. Wonder why. Other crimes against humanity seem to get their due attention...

65,804 Aufrufe

The only tank in today's victory parade was a T-34. When it heard it was to be sent to Ukraine it tried to play dead.

The only tank in today's victory parade was a T-34. When it heard it was to be sent to Ukraine it tried to play dead.

4,301,128 Aufrufe

In response to Leopards & Abrams, Russia will deploy our Amrata tank which will prevent any retreat as it can't move.

In response to Leopards & Abrams, Russia will deploy our Amrata tank which will prevent any retreat as it can't move.

1,642,266 Aufrufe

OTD in 1939 the German–Soviet victory parade took place in Polish town of Brest-Litovsk. As allies, we celebrated liberating Poland from the Poles

OTD in 1939 the German–Soviet victory parade took place in Polish town of Brest-Litovsk. As allies, we celebrated liberating Poland from the Poles

710,255 Aufrufe

Our response to Ukraine's strike program in one video. He might as well piss on it.

Our response to Ukraine's strike program in one video. He might as well piss on it.

62,507 Aufrufe

Ever noticed that your dog is so happy when you put a collar on it?

Ever noticed that your dog is so happy when you put a collar on it?

322,629 Aufrufe

Day 1546 of my 3 day war. Russia never loses wars*. Ukraine is Russia and Ukrainians are Russians. Therefore, Russia is winning this war whilst losing it. I remain a master strategist.

Day 1546 of my 3 day war. Russia never loses wars*. Ukraine is Russia and Ukrainians are Russians. Therefore, Russia is winning this war whilst losing it. I remain a master strategist.

40,222 Aufrufe

Ukraine SBU released video of stage one of Crimean bridge submarine conversion.

Ukraine SBU released video of stage one of Crimean bridge submarine conversion.

128,333 Aufrufe

Here's one donkey that's going to the front line. The one that made an analogy for Russia by going back instead of forward with me in charge of it.

Here's one donkey that's going to the front line. The one that made an analogy for Russia by going back instead of forward with me in charge of it.

108,245 Aufrufe

You keep saying Russia can’t shoot down Ukraine’s drones. But this drone won’t be blowing up any more oil facilities. I remain a master strategist.

You keep saying Russia can’t shoot down Ukraine’s drones. But this drone won’t be blowing up any more oil facilities. I remain a master strategist.

132,290 Aufrufe

Day 1275 of my 3 day war. The Russia I inherited was a gas station with nukes. Now it doesn't even have gas. I remain a master strategist

Day 1275 of my 3 day war. The Russia I inherited was a gas station with nukes. Now it doesn't even have gas. I remain a master strategist

52,068 Aufrufe

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I hate it when my trolls claim those innocent guys who totally weren't GRU were deliberately burned alive. It means I have to post the video of them throwing the petrol bombs that they later killed themselves with. All my trolls are morons.

I hate it when my trolls claim those innocent guys who totally weren't GRU were deliberately burned alive. It means I have to post the video of them throwing the petrol bombs that they later killed themselves with. All my trolls are morons.

507,503 Aufrufe • vor 17 Tagen

There are not petrol shortages on the Moscow - Saint Petersburg highway. It is a Special Queuing Operation.

There are not petrol shortages on the Moscow - Saint Petersburg highway. It is a Special Queuing Operation.

278,591 Aufrufe • vor 1 Monat

Everything is going to plan. Please ignore the very loud distractions distractions. There are no petrol shortages, they are "special queuing operations". Everything is going to plan.

Everything is going to plan. Please ignore the very loud distractions distractions. There are no petrol shortages, they are "special queuing operations". Everything is going to plan.

137,037 Aufrufe • vor 29 Tagen

The Russian military sitzkrieg is spreading to society.

The Russian military sitzkrieg is spreading to society.

46,910 Aufrufe • vor 19 Tagen

North Koreans troll me with mass group of sunflowers.

North Koreans troll me with mass group of sunflowers.

1,302,988 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

Day 1193 of my 3 day war. Several billion dollars worth of Russian aircraft were destroyed by several thousand dollars of Ukrainian drones. I remain a master strategist.

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Day 1193 of my 3 day war. Several billion dollars worth of Russian aircraft were destroyed by several thousand dollars of Ukrainian drones. I remain a master strategist.

667,043 Aufrufe • vor 1 Jahr

Ukraine will keep hitting Russian oil refineries. Russia is unable to stop this. For the sake of peace Russia should cede territory, commit to de-armament & be neutral. Noam Chomsky

Ukraine will keep hitting Russian oil refineries. Russia is unable to stop this. For the sake of peace Russia should cede territory, commit to de-armament & be neutral. Noam Chomsky

166,164 Aufrufe • vor 3 Monaten

I hate it when my trolls claim we got a promise from NATO. It means I have to post this video of Gorby saying we didn't.

I hate it when my trolls claim we got a promise from NATO. It means I have to post this video of Gorby saying we didn't.

297,526 Aufrufe • vor 9 Monaten

I hate it when my trolls force me to post video of CIA agent Prigozhin saying that this our reasons for invading are complete bullshit.

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I hate it when my trolls force me to post video of CIA agent Prigozhin saying that this our reasons for invading are complete bullshit.

376,663 Aufrufe • vor 1 Jahr

Crimean tourism advert: "You come to Crimea for the beaches. You stay cos Ukrainians are destroying our logistics system and there's no fuel to drive home afterwards"

Crimean tourism advert: "You come to Crimea for the beaches. You stay cos Ukrainians are destroying our logistics system and there's no fuel to drive home afterwards"

57,644 Aufrufe • vor 1 Monat

OTD in 1941 the Soviets had a military parade in Moscow. So they invited their Nazis allies cos it would be rude not to.

OTD in 1941 the Soviets had a military parade in Moscow. So they invited their Nazis allies cos it would be rude not to.

889,918 Aufrufe • vor 3 Jahren

There is one universal rule. Whenever Moscow is thrown out of a country, mass celebrations happen

There is one universal rule. Whenever Moscow is thrown out of a country, mass celebrations happen

78,501 Aufrufe • vor 3 Monaten

Citizens in newly liberated parts of Donetsk express delight that Kremlin has replaced drinking water with coffee on tap for every resident.

Citizens in newly liberated parts of Donetsk express delight that Kremlin has replaced drinking water with coffee on tap for every resident.

181,790 Aufrufe • vor 10 Monaten

Western sanctions flop as Russian residents enjoy strong, pungent odour of fountain of free coffee….

Western sanctions flop as Russian residents enjoy strong, pungent odour of fountain of free coffee….

302,638 Aufrufe • vor 1 Jahr

Day 1274 of my 3 day war. It's going so well that a country with massive reserves of oil is running out of fuel. I remain a master strategist.

Day 1274 of my 3 day war. It's going so well that a country with massive reserves of oil is running out of fuel. I remain a master strategist.

121,182 Aufrufe • vor 11 Monaten

Imperialists provide video evidence of Gorby saying there was no promise, as it was illegal & impossible as well as the texts of treaties. And this vid of Prez accidently forgetting we totally got a promise, Tankies provide the voices in their heads.

Imperialists provide video evidence of Gorby saying there was no promise, as it was illegal & impossible as well as the texts of treaties. And this vid of Prez accidently forgetting we totally got a promise, Tankies provide the voices in their heads.

83,138 Aufrufe • vor 7 Monaten

The stone age did not end cos they ran out of stone. But when it runs out of oil, Russia's army will return to the stone age.

The stone age did not end cos they ran out of stone. But when it runs out of oil, Russia's army will return to the stone age.

101,116 Aufrufe • vor 9 Monaten

This war isn't for western defence contractor's profits, it for Russian flag makers and florists.

This war isn't for western defence contractor's profits, it for Russian flag makers and florists.

44,289 Aufrufe • vor 3 Monaten

Doubt Roger Boyes will ever remove the stink of his "I hate to say it" turd. But at least he made a meme for people to reply to such shit takes.

Doubt Roger Boyes will ever remove the stink of his "I hate to say it" turd. But at least he made a meme for people to reply to such shit takes.

44,711 Aufrufe • vor 4 Monaten