Thirsty Kipsoiwet 🇰🇪 🇳🇱
@Makiadi_ • 261,878 subscribers
Expatriate in Netherlands🇳🇱, AI Enthusiast Exploring Visual Storytelling, Renowned Author, To buy ‘The Bandit’ and “Escape From Australia” Follow link on bio.
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Wasichana wa uwanja still dancing on TikTok to make ends meet; mtaendelea kuteseka because you have refused to smell the winds of change. Kama hujaomoka since time ya COVID, rusha hiyo ring light chini ya kitanda, mtoto wetu; itaendelea kukuletea njaa. There is a new update, na juu sina roho mbaya, nitawapatia for free! Kama uko na kiuno yako ndogo na hujaharibu mwili na mandazi surwa ama KFC Mtaani, then tuko biashara. Now, pale YouTube, content creators are raking in millions by showcasing African culture while cooking and dressing in revealing clothes, just to show Caucasians the pathway to Singapore, but hiding the destination carefully. There is growing demand for indigenous ways worldwide, as humans have slowly become fatigued by the modernities of this age. So, funga two-bedroom yako in Nairobi, na kama hamna shamba, talk to that gatekeeping uncle of yours akupatie section ya shamba yake near a river, and to “jump-start” you na mbuzi moja; then viungo, surely, hutashindwa kununua. Gadeeemit! As you leave the city, make sure to pack those sexy miniskirts, “fishnets” to capture vulnerable fishes online, crop tops na backless dera utakuwa unazungusha ugali kama umeivaa. Then, arm yourself na history ya your people, which you will be dropping strategically during your recordings, and have “fire” captions for your videos kama, “A lonely, beautiful Kikuyu woman cooks raw goat meat while facing Mt. Kenya!” Your language should obviously be in pure English, na ukitumia lugha ya nyumbani, unaweka captions hapo chini; ni CPM ya wazungu tunakimbiza hapa my Dia! Ikiwezekana, weka proxy ikuwe ya USA, but content utakuwa unarusha directly from hapa nyumbani. Aki ya Mungu, even with 50K views per video, utakuwa unakula na kijiko mtoto wetu! Shauri yenu! Haloooooo! Inset: Successful content creator Janet Matinde cooks for her loyal clients in Miami, USA, “live live.” Link;
Thirsty Kipsoiwet 🇰🇪 🇳🇱374,116 views • 16 days ago
I keep warning men: ukiona msichana Mrembo who is light-skinned, mbele amejaza “siaka siaka” na Kapedo pia ni full, huyo ni mfungwa anajua silaha ametembea nayo, and it’s fire to bask from far. High-flying Tanzanian artist Harmonize has been left crying Gangsta tears after a video vixen called Christian Celi, all the way from the lucrative USA, who appeared in the video of his song “Kudos,” abandoned ship after fleecing him dry. Looks like after shaking her “fundamentals” in front of the camera crew, she continued showcasing her talents privately for Kondeboy and let him taste a beautiful body, choreographed by top doctors. Wasichana wa uwanja kama hawa, with over 30 years under their belt, know how to manipulate men to the core! Huwa wanajua kuuma na kupuliza like the blood-sucking bat. Huko bedroom, to capture you completely, time umefika “cloud 9,” wanakupiga “double lock” kwa saidongi, then bite your earlobe, leaving you wailing like a toddler. And at that point, you will leak all the secrets ata zike CIA hawangefikia. Apparently, after capturing Msanii and even starting to think on his behalf, one morning aliamka akapata kwa debit card yake alikuwa anacheza poker kwa casino huko Miami to the tune of USD 4,000, na mwili saa hizo iko pale Dar es Salaam. He tried involving the police, but akakumbuka sakata alipigishwa kwa bedroom, akarudi kwake akipiga magoti akilia asimwache. The damsel has already escaped narrowly to Zanzibar and is now threatening him remotely to release more “dangerous” video clips of him akiendelea kucheza. Our boy has been added to her long list of vulnerable victims, and it’s another successful heist done! Amelowa, amelowa, amenyeshewa na mvua!
Thirsty Kipsoiwet 🇰🇪 🇳🇱290,574 views • 24 days ago
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The easiest “Sugar Mummies” to brainwash ni wale miaka imeenda, but kwa akili zao, wao hujiona bado ni Gen Z. You will see them on social media, especially on TikTok, dancing in those short dresses ni kama ni teenagers wameingia adolescence, and updating their fans on their gym progress while wearing tight Gym catsuit and sweating profusely after a workout session. Instead of abusing them in the comments like everyone else does for refusing to “move on” and to accept harsh realities, kama Kijana bado anatafuta, lie low and “cash out” maximumly! In your first meeting at those clubs in Uptown which play country music and AI songs in the background at low volume, the first question she will ask you after a few drinks ni, “Ukiniona hivi, nakaa miaka ngapi hivi?” Now, that’s a tricky question, and it’s a do-or-die for these “cabal” of wealthy women. So, usiseme kitu kama 22 ama 23 years. Surely, my brother, ata Shetani atajua unadanganya! So, weka figure reasonable and before giving your final “poll results,” hold her hand, inspect her palms ni kama unataka kumsomea nyota, check her face keenly, then sema kitu kama, “I’m 100% sure uko 28, na in your next birthday utaingia 29.” She will laugh whole heartedly, slap your lap, then akuitishie shot ingine ya Don Julio na Chumbi and reply, “OMG! You are so wrong! Kuja juu kidogo!” My brother, at that point, umetolewa kwa kichaka ya group stages na ukaingizwa semi-finals direct! Play with the figures as you push one year ahead, na akurudishie in that romantic back-and-forth. But let me warn you: ikifika 34 years, refuse everything and ask for supporting documents. Of course, from ngozi ya shingo yake, you can tell clearly ako on the “climbing lane,” ya maisha but kuongea ukweli imewahi saidia nani? Bladifaken! Be in denial and say something like, “Eunice, hakuna haja ya kudanganyana. Leta ID ama passport tu-confirm, kweraaaa!” She will give you a warm hug, then akuambie you give her time kidogo, and she will rush to the parking lot, aingie her Lexus RX 350, na atoe passport kwa ile glove compartment matajiri huficha pistol. At that point, andika kwa WhatsApp group ya your extended family, umepata kazi kubwa Nairobi waache kuomba! She will return and show you her passport, stamped on nearly all pages, another testament that she is well-travelled and has widened her gap between the haves and the have-nots. She will hide her bio page and give you one last chance to guess her age. But, as I advised, stick to, “Kama imepita 34 years, then mimi sijui! Aki ya Mungu!” She will finally reveal it, na utaona kweli Eunice was born in 1976, so ako around 50 years. Wake up from your seat, then shout, even attracting revelers nearby, and wail, “THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! How? Gadeeeeeem!” She will beg you to calm down, then ask her openly what the secret is, and she will say, “Hydrating, exercising, eating the right food, and minding my damn business!” From then on, utakuwa umeingia top secretariat yake, na ni kama umeingizwa butchery na kisu sharp; ni wewe kuamua ni nyama kiasi gani unataka kukata! Shauri yenu!
Thirsty Kipsoiwet 🇰🇪 🇳🇱154,140 views • 13 days ago
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Umekaa tu hivi, then your loyal Sugar-Mummy sends you a clip pale WhatsApp with the caption, “Vaa shati kama ya huyo Kijana hapo mwisho, then ukuje Kettle House Lavington uniambie ile shida ulisema uko nayo.” Kuona, ni section ya ile mix ya The Bag Edition 4 featuring DJ Bash. Apparently she wants to show you off to her Girlies that a former war child can still be tamed. You tell her openly you are a dry Kalenjin man and very shy in the “periphery,” then she convinces you uvae ile jersey yako ya Manchester United, then utatoa na umwonyeshe kifua baadaye jua ikitua. So, leo usiku ukiniona na shati ya black ya kichungi, mind your damn business; huko Eldoret, mjengo imekwamia lintel na El Niño inakuja.
Thirsty Kipsoiwet 🇰🇪 🇳🇱86,990 views • 25 days ago
There are some jobs huko Dubai za kufanya kwa airport which are extremely lucrative. Net salary after all deductions inaingia kitu kama 140K. Company bus picks and drops you ukiingia na ukitoka shift, they also provide breakfast and dinner, and free accommodation. Alafu diet huko ni pilau na kuku ya broiler almost daily, so staff kazi ni kupigana na asthma juu ya clogged respiratory systems. Wengine who are careless, mafuta imewapanda hadi kwa uso, and they’re on the verge of losing their eyesight. But those are small problems which you can cure easily with a constant supply of money and a good life. Middle-aged women and men who are single na miaka imeenda ni wengi, and when you dare raise the issue of settling down and having kids, huwa wanaona ni kama unataka kuwaharibia maisha. Huko, kama huvuti shisha na kupiga sherehe 24/7, wewe ni adui. These calibre of guys are so liquid that they have no problem funding and “importing” their favourite DJs from Kenya to help them reach self-actualisation faster. Maisha bila pressure naniii!
Thirsty Kipsoiwet 🇰🇪 🇳🇱60,096 views • 19 days ago
In today’s world, when you truly love a woman from the bottom of your heart, that genuine care and respect may not be reciprocated as it was many years ago. Instead, she will “summarize” you as a weak man with no options. Meshack, a Kalenjin Summer Bunny, was toiling away in the land of Caucasians, battling loneliness and unpredictable weather patterns just to fend for his scheming wife, Milly, and, by extension, his family. How did she repay him? She acquired a jobless, hot-blooded man with hips swinging like a pendulum, with no warning, to “straighten her nerves” and help her see Cloud 9 prematurely in their own matrimonial bed. Madharau gani hii! His Bakuleis had leaked intel about the “shaking on nyee,” and the man took an anonymous flight to Kenya without informing Delila. The results are clear for everyone to see. The hardworking man found her “live live,” wailing, “Don’t stop, baby!” and the assailant sweating like a marathon runner in his own bedroom, and was left with nothing but to scream like a bull in a slaughterhouse as he struggled to process the harsh eventualities. Mutyo sana!
Thirsty Kipsoiwet 🇰🇪 🇳🇱128,112 views • 1 month ago
Former SDA member and renowned gospel musician DJ Kez has thrown caution to the wind, and shakes her "nyee" openly on a balcony in uptown Nairobi to secure her financial future. Her followers are still confused whether she has permanently left Jesus Christ or is simply practicing "work-life" balance.
Thirsty Kipsoiwet 🇰🇪 🇳🇱278,794 views • 4 months ago
Naona nyota ya Dj Gibbz Tha Daqchild imerudi. The envious Obinna invited him to perform in Vurugu 1 & 2, last week he headlined the lucrative Summertides event pale Malindi then jana ameitwa na wale cool kids wa Rhunda to feature kwa “Kejani.” Never give up in life.
Thirsty Kipsoiwet 🇰🇪 🇳🇱222,309 views • 3 months ago
What do Kenyans benefit from Gatekeeping everything? Ya opportunities tunaelewa, but why hide entertainment joints and events from us? Ndio leo nimejua kuna a very interesting Reggae festival hufanyika Kiambu Road inaitwa “Konqa Reggae Festival,” and they’re already on their 4th edition. It’s always good vibes and filled to the brim with beautiful women. Mutyo sana!
Thirsty Kipsoiwet 🇰🇪 🇳🇱72,404 views • 1 month ago
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This is DJ Amanda Par from Bangkok, Thailand. Initially, she was introduced to the game na her talented sister, also a “mixologist,” anaitwa DJ Mizz G marketed under the Super Vibes “Umbrella.” Sister yake alipewa akili, yeye akapewa mwili na sura; mambo ya universe. Akianza maisha, alikuwa one of those girls who dance nyuma ya sister wake with other curvaceous models wa Thailand kushikisha mix, but looks like aliingia night shift to teach herself how to mix, and honestly, ameendelea sana. She even started her own YouTube channel, na ni kama atakosana na her pioneer sister soon juu ni kama anaenda kumshinda. Where she sometimes comes short in transition, her beautiful body will cover that small “loophole.” She usually does her shows mostly kwa rooftop ya the picturesque ARKbar Beach Club near the beach, where you can see airplanes landing and taking off from Samui Airport in the background. For our ladies, to have such a waist of an ant, kama hauko kwa program ya OMAD, endelea kula mandazi yako mtoto wetu, mwendo umeimaliza!
Thirsty Kipsoiwet 🇰🇪 🇳🇱65,518 views • 1 month ago
Shock as JKL host Jeff Koinange visits “kibandaski” for the first time in his life. The man, believed by many to be a “rich kid,” was in denial that what his tongue was used to at Kempinski could be delivered “beyond repair” at the establishment at pocket-friendly prices.
Thirsty Kipsoiwet 🇰🇪 🇳🇱217,251 views • 7 months ago
A Former Governor in the North Rift enjoyed power for 10 good years when county governments were in their inception and money was flowing like water in the River Nile. Less than four years later, the "young man" looks like the grains in his granary is nearly depleted and now wants to make an embarrassing comeback as an MP to recoup his losses, which, of course, he will fail spectacularly! Mkiwa in power and we advise you tufanye biashara ya Cathode huko Congo and sell them to willing investors huko Gulf, huwa mnatuita Vijana wa "wash wash" and dismiss us. Instead, you suddenly become romantic in your advanced age na mnanunulia Slayqueens who despise you apartments huko Kilimani. Anyway, rudi uwanja, we finish the little you have left. Senji!
Thirsty Kipsoiwet 🇰🇪 🇳🇱92,463 views • 2 months ago
From my intel and insinuations, ni kama jana Patrons walilambishwa kitu, then scanned and underestimated Kijana wetu, na wakamwosha while saying, “Huyu hataelewa kitu. Tutamchanganya na Kiingereza mingi!” After realizing ameachwa kwa baridi, the man akarusha kila mtu frontline, shouting obscenities “live live” kwa media and letting the “perpetrators” know anajua mchezo wa uwanja and will not be taken lightly. At last, wamefika bei, na yeye pia amepewa za macho aende amalizie finishing ya rentals zake, and has joined the choir to sing the chorus in unison while smiling ear to ear. Anyway, Wababa Hoyeeee!
Thirsty Kipsoiwet 🇰🇪 🇳🇱117,133 views • 5 months ago
