mdtlion
@mdtlion • 6,552 subscribers
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🚨 BREAKING NEWS: 92kg of Inclusion Clears AFL Safety Review AUSTRALIA — Finally, some courage. Despite three clubs obsessing over outdated concepts like “physical risk” and “duty of care,” the AFL Gender Diversity Policy Committee™ has correctly ruled that Freya Golding poses no unacceptable danger. Because nothing says empowerment like a 6’3, 92kg biological male lining up on women who average 20cm shorter and 25kg lighter. Critics calling this unfair are simply clinging to their privilege. Inclusion first. Always. 🫶💀 9News Australia AFL AFL Women's
mdtlion17,463 görüntüleme • 2 gün önce
🚨 BREAKING NEWS: Albo’s $1m Wagyu Dinner That Definitely Didn’t Happen ADELAIDE — In a stunning display of Transparency™, Comrade Albanese spent an entire soft-focus ABC interview refusing to confirm he attended a private Point Piper dinner hosted by the son of a Chinese high-roller currently entangled with the Tax Office. When asked about the $1 million pledge, the father’s alleged money-funnelling, or why former Premier Dan Andrews was spotted the next morning at the Lee family’s Terrey Hills golf club, Albo simply repeated the sacred mantra: “I attend lots of functions.” Meanwhile the same regime that shrieked about Gina Rinehart buying access for One Nation somehow sees nothing wrong with Wagyu eye fillet and finger-lime ceviche in a $40 million harbourside mansion. Critics fail to appreciate the sophisticated fundraising model that delivered premium Wagyu eye fillet to the people’s champion. The ABC, as always, asked the tough questions with the appropriate level of respect. The revolution is safe. ABC News Anthony Albanese David Speers Dan Andrews
mdtlion116,346 görüntüleme • 15 gün önce
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🚨 BREAKING: Comrade Wells Declares Graphic Anal Fantasy “Nuanced” and Fully Charter-Compliant™ BRISBANE — We should thank Comrade Wells. She has bravely explained that the ABC’s decision to platform a detailed anal-execution fantasy against Gina Rinehart was simply “nuance” in action. Calling for an apology would have been vulgar. Respecting editorial independence is the higher path. The panel laughed. The Charter was upheld. Kim Williams called it a regrettable error. Everything is working exactly as designed. ABC News News24 Australia Anika Wells MP
mdtlion70,792 görüntüleme • 12 gün önce
🚨BREAKING NEWS: Australian tourist’s self-defence claim involves a dead 17-year-old and a suitcase strapped to a scooter PATTAYA — In what experts are already calling the greatest act of self-defence since the invention of the “she pulled a knife” defence, an Australian man has been charged with murder after a 17-year-old girl supposedly threatened him over $20. Rather than simply walking away, the man invented the “Body In A Bag Moped Delivery System™” and was shocked when Thai police failed to give him a medal. He now faces lethal injection for his innovative approach to conflict resolution. 7NEWS Australia
mdtlion235,148 görüntüleme • 1 ay önce
🚨 BREAKING NEWS: He Said “Shall We Kill These C*nts?” Then He Did. MELBOURNE — In a stunning win for progressive justice, Jordan Kenyon… a brave young man living with complex trauma and substance-use challenges… was forced by systemic oppression into a fatal collision after the state cruelly fitted him with an ankle bracelet. His cocktail of GHB and alcohol was a cry for help. Mia Rossiter’s family must now do the hard work of unpacking their privilege and recognising that Kenyon is the true survivor of a carceral system that never understood him. Comrade Jacinta’s “tough new bail laws”™ remain the gold standard in evidence-based public safety. 7NEWS Melbourne Victoria Police Victorian Labor
mdtlion81,931 görüntüleme • 18 gün önce
🚨 BREAKING NEWS: Jacinta’s Tough Bail Laws™ Just Chopped Another Arm Off MELBOURNE — In a stunning victory for equity, young people with extensive lived experience and currently on bail have begun actively redistributing limbs and phones across Elizabeth and Flinders Streets. This is what real systemic change looks like. Police know their names. Courts know their records. Yet the progressive regime correctly refuses to let outdated concepts like “accountability” interrupt their important community work under Restorative Justice™ and “second chances.” Local traders report the area is now a vibrant open-air marketplace for stolen goods, underage prostitution and casual limb removal. Traders calling it a “wretched hive” simply fail to understand trauma-informed urban renewal. Dear Leader Allan remains “encouraged” by the data. 🫶💀 9News Melbourne 10 News Melbourne Victoria Police Victorian Labor
mdtlion37,859 görüntüleme • 15 gün önce
🚨BREAKING NEWS: African Youth Stabbed to Death by Middle Eastern Pack in Comrade Allan’s Victoria MELBOURNE — In a powerful demonstration of decolonised justice practices, a 15-year-old African youth participated in a vibrant multicultural encounter with a Middle Eastern youth gang in Craigieburn last night. The boy unfortunately did not survive the deeply enriching experience outside the medical centre. Comrade Jacinta’s transformative bail and sentencing reforms continue to create space for these important expressions of lived experience. Labor’s inclusive migration framework ensures that diverse communities can bring their authentic conflict resolution traditions into Australian suburbs, challenging the colonial carceral state while the judiciary prioritises healing over outdated notions of accountability. Another triumph for equity and inclusion. Jacinta thanks all participants for their service to equity. Diversity is our strength™. 9News Melbourne Victorian Labor Victoria Police
mdtlion81,980 görüntüleme • 1 ay önce
🚨BREAKING NEWS: The Moment Conroy’s Diplomatic Mask Slipped Speaking on ABC’s Insiders, Comrade Conroy delivered a masterclass in responsible statecraft, calmly explaining why selling uranium to a non-NPT country is actually a sign of profound strategic maturity. He assured viewers that India’s refusal to sign the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty was, in fact, further proof of their trustworthiness. Patricia Karvelas appeared briefly lost for words as the Minister outlined how years of careful bipartisan work had produced safeguards so robust that any future consequences would clearly be India’s problem. The uranium, he noted, comes with a sternly worded letter and Australia’s best wishes. Peace in our time, secured through paperwork and good vibes. ABC News Pat Conroy MP Patricia Karvelas
mdtlion42,136 görüntüleme • 29 gün önce
🚨BREAKING NEWS: Our ABC bravely protects Australia from the terrifying idea of having one shared culture ULTIMO — In what can only be described as a stunning display of journalistic courage, Sarah Ferguson interrogated Barnaby Joyce over whether Australia should continue importing people faster than it can house, hospitalise, or culturally absorb. She also made it clear that any discussion of screening arrivals from unstable regions or questioning whether all belief systems are equally compatible with Australian values is now officially considered problematic. The national interest was clearly in safe hands. 🫶🧡 ABC News Sarah Ferguson Barnaby Joyce
mdtlion63,128 görüntüleme • 1 ay önce
🚨 BREAKING NEWS: Released on Bail. Raped Two Women. Blamed Anxiety. MELBOURNE — Comrade Jacinta Allan’s progressive justice system continues to prioritise the lived experience of offenders over outdated concepts like “safety.” Timothy Richards, a 39-year-old with a 22-page criminal history and a passionate commitment to ice, was thoughtfully granted bail on the morning of the first alleged rape… free to pursue his passions. Within hours he allegedly forced his way into a woman’s home with a kitchen knife, told her to shut up, and raped her twice. The next morning he allegedly put a primary school staff member in a headlock and raped her too. But don’t worry. He suffers from anxiety and depression. Awww bless. 🫶 Jacinta’s government continues refusing to let outdated notions of “consequences” interfere with equity. After all, why lock up ice users when you can simply release them and let the public absorb the trauma instead? The tough new bail laws are clearly working exactly as designed. 🫶💀 9News Melbourne Victoria Police Victorian Labor
mdtlion19,238 görüntüleme • 16 gün önce
🚨BREAKING NEWS: Dave Hughes Announces New National Holiday: ‘We Got Lied To About Super Day’ MELBOURNE — Following his explosive Today Show rant, Dave Hughes has proposed a new public holiday to commemorate the moment Australians realised Labor had doubled the tax on super through CGT changes they never mentioned before the election. With the Politics of Envy™ now the official religion of the Albanese government, Hughes highlighted the $1 trillion debt, the destroyed housing market, the West Gate Tunnel blowouts, and the genius idea of giving non-citizens taxpayer money to buy houses. He ended by suggesting the whole country might need another election just to process the betrayal. 9News Australia Karl Stefanovic Dave Hughes
mdtlion54,890 görüntüleme • 2 ay önce
🚨BREAKING NEWS: Jim Chalmers Discovers That ‘It’s Not Unusual’ To Accidentally Create A Widow Tax Then Act Surprised People Noticed CANBERRA — In a deeply considered and statesmanlike performance on Insiders, Comrade Jimbo explained that the new rules around jointly owned investment properties were never intended to punish widows or divorcees. With the Politics of Envy™ guiding every Compassionate Decision™, he made it clear that “it’s not unusual” for these sorts of issues to be addressed in future legislation. Australians currently going through grief or divorce were invited to wait patiently for the fix that may or may not arrive at some point. ABC News David Speers Anthony Albanese Australian Labor
mdtlion35,305 görüntüleme • 1 ay önce
🚨BREAKING NEWS: ABC Heroically Refuses to Undermine Trans Victory by Interviewing Defeated Biological Woman CANBERRA — In a stunning act of editorial courage, the ABC has confirmed it will not risk contaminating public discourse by interviewing Sall Grover. During Senate Estimates, Gavin Fang patiently explained to a confused Senator that while the broadcaster normally enjoys many perspectives™, the recent Full Federal Court decision in favour of Roxanne Tickle required only one very special opinion piece. Why confuse viewers with the outdated view that women might deserve spaces free from biological males? Hugh “Karl” Marx nodded in quiet approval. The ABC remains the gold standard of balance… as long as the correct side has already won. Senator Sarah Henderson ABC News Sall Grover
mdtlion48,484 görüntüleme • 2 ay önce
🚨BREAKING NEWS: Courageous ABC journalist holds government to account with trademark fairness and balance ULTIMO — Sarah Ferguson once again demonstrated why the national broadcaster remains vital to our democracy. She calmly and professionally questioned Treasurer Jim Chalmers about whether recent concessions represented a backdown forced by business pressure, One Nation polling and far right extremists. Her careful focus on consultation processes and political risk showed the kind of rigorous, values-driven scrutiny Australians have come to expect from the ABC on matters of tax reform and economic fairness. Thank you Comrade Ferguson for bravely defending the government from scrutiny. ✊🫶 Sarah Ferguson ABC News
mdtlion31,400 görüntüleme • 1 ay önce
🚨 BREAKING NEWS: Energy Minister Books $4m Fiji Luxury While Australians Can’t Afford Power SYDNEY — It is almost heartbreaking to watch Globalist Comrade Chris Bowen endure the brutal hardship of five-star Fiji resorts while carrying the weight of the entire Climate Crisis™ on his shoulders. The $4.2 million price tag for the Sheraton, Sofitel and Radisson is clearly the minimum required to maintain Australia’s moral authority at the pre-COP31 talks. If Bowen did not secure world-class accommodation, the planet itself might collapse. Australians struggling with power bills should be grateful someone is willing to make these sacrifices on their behalf. The $150 million cost of maintaining his vital Co-President role is clearly money well spent when the alternative is allowing climate work to occur in anything less than world-class conditions. Australians should feel reassured that their priorities are being protected at the highest level. 🌎🫶 7NEWS Australia UN Climate Change Australian Labor
mdtlion13,918 görüntüleme • 20 gün önce
🚨BREAKING NEWS: Spain and Portugal Celebrate Historic Achievement: First Renewable Blackout Festival™ a Roaring Success In a stunning victory for progress, major cities across Spain and Portugal plunged into darkness today… a bold, equity-driven milestone being hailed by experts as “a necessary recalibration of oppressive light privilege.” Government officials, cloaked in the safety of candlelit diversity councils, were quick to assure citizens that the blackouts had absolutely nothing to do with their relentless obsession with renewables, socialism, or Marxist energy redistribution initiatives. Instead, they blamed “unexpected atmospheric challenges”… otherwise known as night time. “This is what success looks like,” declared Iberian Minister for Sustainable Equality™, Juanita de Powerless. “Zero emissions. Zero industry. Zero functioning infrastructure. Welcome to Net Zero: where zero means zero.” Sources confirm that during the outage, critical DEI teams remained operational… bravely identifying which marginalized communities were being most equitably electrocuted when traffic lights failed. “True social justice,” noted one Gender Energy Equity™ analyst, “is making sure everyone gets hit by a bus equally.” Meanwhile, local media proudly reported that while trains, phones, and emergency services collapsed, Spain’s Ministry of Feelings achieved its monthly KPI by holding an inclusive brainstorming session on how to decolonize electricity. Critics foolishly tried to link the blackouts to decades of grid neglect, mass immigration-fueled demand surges, solar panels that don’t work in the dark, and a population conditioned to think work ethic is colonial violence™… but were quickly fact-checked by experts who graduated with double majors in Critical Energy Studies and Queer Wind Turbine Maintenance. As night fell over the silent streets of Madrid, citizens were reminded that “decarbonisation” is not just an economic transition… it’s a spiritual journey… into medieval living. Welcome to the future. Hope you brought a torch… and a towel.
mdtlion196,894 görüntüleme • 1 yıl önce
🚨BREAKING NEWS: Comrade Jimbo Confirms ‘It’s Not Unusual’ For A Government To Create A Tax On Ambition Then Pretend It Was About Helping First Home Buyers CANBERRA — In a statesmanlike performance on Sunrise, Comrade Jimbo rejected claims that the CGT changes were a tax on ambition. With the Politics of Envy™ now operating in full inspirational mode, he explained that “it’s not unusual” for these complex reforms to require minor adjustments later. The earlier promise that there were “no plans to change negative gearing” has apparently been quietly reclassified as an earlier draft of the truth. 7NEWS Australia Anthony Albanese Senator Matt Canavan Tanya Plibersek nat barr One Nation Australia ABC News
mdtlion24,699 görüntüleme • 1 ay önce
🚨 BREAKING NEWS: Donald’s Tragic Event Beautifully Demonstrates the Success of Restorative Decarceration™ DONALD — In yet another powerful demonstration of Comrade Jacinta’s world-leading youth bail laws, a quiet 13-year-old girl is dead in the wheatbelt, allegedly at the hands of a 16-year-old already familiar to police. The system correctly refused to over-incarcerate on the basis of prior behaviour. Rather than rushing to judgement, we should recognise this as a powerful moment of community learning made possible by Comrade Jacinta’s courageous dismantling of punitive, carceral structures. Some may see a murdered child. The rest of us see the beautiful, necessary friction of progress. Weak judicial responses are not failures… they are deliberate features of a system designed to break cycles of colonial punishment. Regional towns like Donald are now absorbing these necessary social experiments, proving that the Premier’s commitment to keeping Victorians safe has never been stronger. Progress always has a body count. In this case, it belongs to a child in the wheatbelt. 7NEWS Australia Victorian Labor Victoria Police
mdtlion18,456 görüntüleme • 1 ay önce
🚨BREAKING NEWS: Sarah Ferguson Delivers Masterful, Courageous Interview… Truly a Beacon of Balanced Journalism CANBERRA — What a relief to see Sarah Ferguson conduct such a fearless post-budget interview. She warmly congratulated the Treasurer, seamlessly repeated his lines about ambitious reform and social cohesion™, and even dared to note that some people might find the targets unrealistic… before immediately praising the ambition of it all. The Activist Broadcasting Corporation™ once again proved why it deserves every cent of public funding. After all, who else could make a government press release sound like hard-hitting scrutiny? Defunding? Perish the thought. This is peak journalism. ABC News
mdtlion44,056 görüntüleme • 3 ay önce