"Arguing with her is falling into her frame." –Rivelino... EXAMPLE In this scene from Titanic, Rose knows that Cal is trying to impress her, so she purposely provokes him by doubting the size of the ship Rose is looking to see if she can get a reaction out of him. And she does. He reacts defensively and argues logically A double mistake When a woman tries to start an argument with you, she's testing to see if you're stupid enough to take her seriously If you do take her seriously and argue with her, you fall into her frame and essentially fall into her trap. Whereas if you treat her like an adorable petulant child, you pass the test and sidestep the trap In this scene, Cal reacts the wrong way to Rose's shit test. He falls into her frame by arguing with her and he tries to change her mind using facts ROSE: I don't see what the fuss is about. It doesn't look any bigger than Mauretania CAL: [facts logic boring boring] When a man tries to convince a woman by using facts and logic, she instinctively realizes that he doesn't understand women, how they feel, how they function This is a massive turn off She doesn't want to be with a man who doesn't understand her true feminine essence So what should a man say instead of arguing with her? My two favorite standard replies to any sort of petulant shit test from a girl are "You're precious" and "You're adorable" Remember, she is like a child She wants to feel your mastery over her –– and she wants to see that you have mastery over your own emotions If Cal knew how to handle Rose, he would avoid arguing with her. Instead, he would say something like this: ROSE: I don't see what the fuss is about. It doesn't look bigger than Mauretania CAL: Oh Rose, you're so adorable Much better If your girl says something to make you angry and you feel yourself losing your temper, instead of calling her stupid call her adorable "You're so fucking adorable" You can even keep the same angry tone Over time, you will start reframing and training your brain to see her as an adorable (petulant) child Remember, when you think in your mind "she is annoying", that means she has gotten to you, she has rattled you, and that's bad When you think in your mind "she is adorable", that means you see her like a child And why is she adorable? Well, she's your girl, right? If she isn't adorable –– if she really is stupid, annoying, complaining all the time, disrespecting you all the time, then maybe you need to let her go and find yourself another girl. It sounds like her heart is closed off to you But if she is your girl and you do love her, then she's adorable, and her "annoying" shit tests just mean that she misses you and needs your reassurance that you can handle her moods and her occasional feminine chaos She wants to feel your masculine strength, she wants to feel your amused mastery, your power and control over her emotions She wants to feel safe in your arms She wants to trust youshow more
