Sometimes an animator gotta do a bit of pec... bouncing too... 😅😅 I had fun animating this swoll Marmalade in Bad Guys2. 💪🐹 #badguys2 #animation #3danimation #animatedmovies #dreamworks #badguys #anime #2d #2danimationshow more

We can't quite believe it, but we've never posted... an FX Animation Breakdown before! There's been such amazing FX work done on so many of our projects, we're definitely going to show you more of how it's done. This film in particular was so FX heavy, we had to highlight the crazy work that went into it. You all know we love an action sequence. But for this one, we took a pretty different approach than we usually do! The entire thing was rendered through FX animation. The animator did their rough and tie-downs but instead of going into clean-up and BG paint, the FX team rendered the characters as well as animated the background FX (which is a super rare thing to do!). The result is this abstract representation of two magnificent powers colliding in an epic battle!!! Client: Digital Extremes Character Layout: Colin Tan 2D Animation: Shane Dering 2D Animation Lighting and Render: Simon Duclos FX Animation: Christophe Madeleine, Louve Karnas Compositing: Maxime Temple #FXAnimationBreakdownshow more

The whole level shifting is kind of a fun... effect but this would 100% give some people motion sickness XD It's perhaps a bit "too much" anyway. Anyways, we're getting entities actually coded instead of the fakery I was doing for the prototype! I think ghosthands gimmick will be that they have a set patrol. They can't see or hear. And they won't notice you so long as you sit still while they pass. Could have a bit of fun with it and have them rarely accidentally grope her in passing even if she's still 😅show more

heeseung always effortlessly can make everyone around him laughing... 😭😭 "charging cable" 🦌 I’m sorry but this one.. 👥😂🤣 🦌 do i have to name this? 🦌 i'll go with "livelihood/source of income" (밥줄) [an occupation or means to make a living] 👤 how often do you charge it? 🦌 these days i’m so busy that i don’t really charge it sometimes *dont have time to check phone* 🦌 i just do it before going to sleep 👤 *in-depth interview about a charging cable* 🦌🤭🫢😅😂show more

I straight up spent an hour doing drills the... other day. I had so much fun too 👏😂🙌 . I always emphasize drills because they improve form and muscle memory, but the truth is that they are also really helpful to improve fitness, and I implement longer warm up’s to help me “get in shape” at the beginning of my training cycles. 💪 . So next time you do drill and it feels tiring, don’t worry- that’s a good thing ✌️show more

Thanks to everyone who sent me B-day messages yesterday... & to those of you who spent it w/ me eating up this cake 😋🎂 (if ykyk 😅) I had an amazing day & am so happy to have the ppl in my life that I do. Thanks to the ppl who without fail, always make me feel special! Here's to another year of good memories with the best ppl that a girl could ask for! 🥂❤️show more

I'm laying in my tent reflecting on my life... right now..and I have to say, some would say my life situation of being homeless is a sad thing .. because you see people out there who are addicts and in bad situations .. but mine isn't anything like that. Although I havent had a home in 10 years, I see and feel the blessing. I'm so free in life to live how I want in life. Sure while sometimes I desire a bed to come home too.. I get to have a bed anywhere in life I want. I'm so free to live and explore as I please with nothing to tie me down. If I could share any piece of advice, it is simple do not trade your freedom of life for the chains of society and what they deem how YOU should live. I promise in this day and age you can be so free and make money without anyone there to tell you when to clock in, when to eat lunch, when you can use the bathroom, none of that! I hope you all find the bliss I feel in life someday.show more

IT’S OUT! Head over to the Gorillaz YouTube channel... now (link in bio) to watch the full film. This film is a true love letter to the golden era of 2D animation. We worked incredibly hard alongside Jamie Hewlett to make it as period-accurate as possible and, like all our projects, it was hand-drawn by an incredible team of artists. We even used a variety of practical effects in the film, which was a lot of fun to do. We had a brilliant time making this film and learnt a huge amount while studying the masters of the 60s and 70s. If you’ve been following the release of The Mountain, you know how special and meaningful this project is. We’re so proud to be a part of it and want to say a massive thank you to Jamie and Eleven Management for trusting us to tell this beautiful story. We couldn’t be prouder of the work we did together, and we're so happy to be sharing it with the world! #Gorillaz #THELINE #TheMountainshow more

🦕💬 • 260611 [01:03 AM KST] 41 voice notes... transcripted/translated in order: hi how did you like made by riize? you’re asking if i ate dinner? i didn’t eat. i ate lunch kind of late, but i ate a hearty lunch. i also wanted to do a live as i finished work, but while wondering if i should do a live or not, something new to do popped up. and while i was doing it, it got too late. so i'll do a live later. go knicks! lately, the NBA's a hot topic lately. knicks. crazy. i don't know, you know... basketball that well, but i remember growing up they were sort of *the team* that people, yk cheered on. but i don't remember anyone saying that they were doing great, or anything. but apparently they're in the finals rn and they're doing rly well, so also can't forget the world cup. world cup season rn, so... just sports season.. sports season, crazy, yeah? [singing dyd] how is it? riize's challenge. easy, right? do it lots, please~ these days, a lot of short-form [videos] are coming up, as you've probably seen. I thought it might be fun if everyone did that together... what do you think? live... there's a way to turn it on, but even if i turned it on, i'm not sure if i could do it well. i don't have confidence rn so i'm talking like this wa, but there's only 4 days left for our comeback.. only 4 days left... how is it? are you guys looking forward to it? are u guys excited? we're going to ulsan the 15th, and wonbin hyung, said he's buying us lunch... not really. but it's our first time going to ulsan all together. we'll have our comeback there. i think it'll be fun. also, the 15th we're doing a comeback live.. we've been doing it every comeback... and at the live stream we'll be high school students.. but it could honestly be university students too.. or really just do it without a concept, but i think it'll be fun... just... it'll be fun... so, while doing that we'll talk about the comeback whatever happens i want us all to just create fun memories together, and since it’s summer, how about you all enjoy summer together with riize... how does that feel? how's this pfp? i like it ㅎㅎ engddongi, eng, engddon ah, right. also with taro hyung, we'll appear at salon drip... i also think that will be fun when it comes out. the recording was also fun, with doyeon nuna.. please watch it ah... you guys can hear the dryer? i won't tell you who's clothes it's drying, it's a secret~ since you could look at this as something im trying out instead of doing a live stream i won't be able to do it super often or every single day, but I think it wouldn't be bad to use this feature again sometime what do you think? ah, but languages are difficult it's not easy to unify into just one language now, but on the other hand, it's really fun. somehow, this chat room..? is that right? realizing that this place is totally global and international is in a way pretty cool. haha anyway, after a long time i rode a bike again.. there was a lot of sunlight... sunlight.. did lots of photosynthesis but what was a real mistake was first of all the bicycle didnt have a basket, and I didnt wear a comfortable backpack. i came out carrying a somewhat awkward/uncomfortable bag, so i really messed up on top of that the bicycle was incredibly heavy, but then the battery completely died... so I almost cried. without even realizing it I had gone so far away so I suffered a bit. that’s the story i also have the feeling i bruised my butt a bit... ㅎㅎ but that will also become a funny memory, right? how's riizing summer vacation? i think there were really a lot of funny moments... sungchan hyung was so funny... sungchan hyung said somewhere he hasn't eaten ramyeon in a year ㅎㅎ and sungchan hyung honestly isn't the type to eat ramen alone, he's on the not eating it side... but he's always like 'one bite, one bite'... so if we put all that together, wouldn't it be a plate of ramen?ㅎㅎ for me, at the beginning of our debut, it was a bit... you know how while filming content, i ended up grilling meat and all? but now, grilling meat... well, i don't think it's that bad also, back when we went to japan to shoot our album jacket photos and the trailer, we visited a lot of vinyl (LP) shops... and that was actually the first time in my life buying an LP with my own money when i was young i went to la to play, and then there was this famous 'amoeba music' store. i looked around and everything, but honestly back then i really wasn't that much interested in LPs. so i bought things like a lot of stickers and used them to decorate my laptop. somehow, after that time, [it was like] I truly spent time in a vinyl shop? but visiting now that I'm a bit older, it was so much fun there are so many songs I don’t know, and tons of songs that aren't even famous so back then in japan, duran duran is a really famous band, but I bought duran duran's Notorious LP and then I also bought Barry Finnertys,, barrynims NY City LP. what was so surprising was that as soon as I listened to the LP, the sound and quality were so good that I was like, 'wow, what is this?' but when I looked it up on the internet, it only had like 3,000 views on YouTube? I think it was 3,000, so because it was so good, I bought it. and after that yesterday too while wandering around here and there, i happened to walk into a cafe and they had LPs there too so yesterday, I bought one or two ㅎㅎ lp's no mater how you look it they have a vibe... its true that nowadays you can just look up and listen to everything on your phone, but another good thing about it (lps) is that I think it’s really great for finding songs you don't know so when going to the lp shop you get to learn a lot of new songs that you didn't know before. even if you don't go with the sole purpose of buying an LP, it's just... really great for discovering things... should I say? a riize lp would also be good... back then, during boom boom bass, we even went there and did all that stuff with our LP too... how was the video editing? back then when i went to school when doing things like presentations, together with other students we would edit videos.. i did lowkey find that kind of stuff pretty fun though because it was pretty much my first time [doing that] since back during those days... but really i think it was fun like... yeah.. i want to try to do it again when i was young i did draw. i drew for fun but it had been such a long time since i last properly sat down and tried to draw something properly with a pencil.. i think it's been such a long time i'm probably the worst at drawing in my family? ㅎㅎ my dad's good, my mom's also good.. my grandpa also draws reaññu well. but it was fun drawing again, so i also want to try that again... why is there so many things i want to do? really why is it? and above all, i want to work really hard on music so that someday i can show you even more. now, like from the trailer to the full version that was uploaded to our site... those kinds of things are a bit different from just being a song, though.. now everyone, let's try meditating together with me sorry.. anyways.. i have to leave in a couple hours actually, so.. time to hit the hay, yeehaw i can't fall asleep right away ㅎㅎ this.. seems like it might be a bit difficult to interpret/translate.. (yes anton, it is,,,) next time it might be better to just turn on a live stream instead ㅎㅎ sorry wow... sleep is really not coming... [1 video] [1 picture] ok jinja gnshow more

I learned this the hard way: do NOT use... SwiftUI if you want your app to look and feel amazing. At least when coding with AI. (sorry, Apple colleagues reading this 😅) I'm sharing my process vibe coding this calorie tracker. I get a lot of questions about the fluid transition in the video. Here's the whole story. Initially, Claude built the grid with SwiftUI. It was quick and easy, and looked good! But the transition to the day view was a boring navigation push/pop. No fun. I wanted something custom. I asked Claude to make it a fluid transition that remaps the food tiles from their source to destination positions. All hell broke loose. Claude tried a bunch of horrible things. Initially it used matched geometry effects, which worked OK but didn't lend themselves well to gesture-driven animations. So it resorted to SwiftUI preference keys + geometry readers to figure out the source and destination positions and calculate the interpolated position based on gesture progress, coordinating across grid and day views. But this meant it had to write a custom layout because it couldn't reposition tiles inside the native SwiftUI grid. And it had to do an awkward handoff between views, which always created ugly pops or jumps. And don't get me started on trying to put it on a bouncy spring, that only made the math 10x buggier. Fortunately, Claude Fable was smart enough to see that this was becoming a disaster (and discover most of the issues itself, in the simulator), so it pivoted away from SwiftUI. Opus might not be so wise, so you'll have to pay attention and intervene. Ultimately, it rewrote it in plain UIKit and everything turned out great. After that, we moved from 2D images to 3D assets, which introduced a new set of performance challenges and yet another rewrite to a single Metal layer, which is what you see below. I can write more about the 2D-to-3D saga if anyone's interested. If I were to do it again, I'd just say "Don't use SwiftUI" from the very first prompt, and save a few hours of headaches. SwiftUI can be amazing for a human iterating directly in code. But agents don't benefit from any of its advantages. Plus, agents have seen decades of UIKit training data, so they're great at writing it, and it's far more flexible. Here's hoping we see more agent-friendly iterations of SwiftUI in the future. Till then, I'm probably going to avoid it.show more

hello everyone! 🤍 as you already know, i am... a wheelchair user that has to use a wheelchair most of the time because im a fall risk & in chronic pain unfortunately, the Medline one i was gifted is extremely heavy and since im weak, i cannot push myself around in it. my bf has to do all the heavy lifting and pushing, which takes away from the independence i want as an adult. so, i am officially starting a "fundraiser" towards a custom wheelchair that my insurance refuses to pay for because i am "not disabled enough". achieving this would help me a TON. i want to be able to push myself around freely and be able to get to places on my own without relying on other people. sometimes i cant even use the wheelchair because its too heavy for my mom (caregiver) to get in and out of the car and i risk hurting myself by walking. i have tried three times with my insurance to have them cover it but unfortunately thats how the US rolls and i gotta find other solutions! ANYTHING is greatly appreciated and i really hope i can get a custom wheelchair fitted for my disabilities and be more independent ^w^ i will 🔗 my throne below where i have it set up!show more

Everyone's sleeping on image-to-3D AI models. They can make... your app look incredibly unique, with just a little effort. Here's how. This is my calorie tracker, built in a week with nothing but prompting. Just Claude Code + a couple APIs. The visuals are all AI-generated. I'll be sharing the full workflow + all the crazy technical stuff Claude and I did to make this work, so nobody has to struggle through it like me. Deep dive coming soon! Till then, this is the high-level idea: 1. Get a clean image of the food (or whatever your asset is) - In my app, the user describes foods via text, or attaches images (or both) - If text, an LLM extracts the food description and formats it into a specific prompt I tuned for this design, and we generate an image using Z-Image Turbo through fal - If image, we do the same thing but with FLUX.2 [dev] to edit the user image into our reference design - Originally, both used Google Nano Banana, but switching to open models cut costs and latency a ton 2. Gaussian splatting (2D image → 3D model) - I tried various 2D-to-3D options on fal and ended up with TripoSplat as my preferred balance of speed, cost, latency; this turns an image into a 3D model that looks super high quality (link below) - The app displays the 2D image while our backend generates the 3D splat - We "groom" the splat to reduce size and load time by culling low-opacity/scale points 3. Render efficiently on device Originally, it looked great but ran at 10 FPS. Getting to 120 FPS was a crazy journey. TL;DR: - SwiftUI had to go; it forced us to render each asset in independent MTKViews, which wasn't workable - Instead, we composite every dish into one full-bleed CAMetalLayer using MetalSplatter (link below) - We had to make some optimizations within MetalSplatter's code too, to reduce the overhead of sorting points per render Then I added some finishing touches like the subtle rotation and parallax as they move around. I think it turned out pretty cool :) Overall, this took some effort, but we still got it done in less than a day. Hopefully your agent can follow in the footsteps of mine and do it much faster. Keep an eye out for the bigger writeup, which'll give your agent everything it needs. If you have any questions, drop em below!show more

Electric motorbike riders operating in Nairobi are lamenting what... they term as persistent harassment and extortion by County enforcement officers within the Central Business District and its environs. In a message shared with this publication, one rider, who frequents areas such as Kilimani, Kileleshwa, Westlands, Lang’ata and occasionally the CBD, described a recent encounter where he claims he was arrested at the junction of Harambee Avenue and Moi Avenue without any clear offence. "Hey Cyprian, maze talk about this issue. I am a motorist operating with an Uber electric bike mostly in Kilimani, Kileleshwa, Westlands, Lang’ata and sometimes CBD. My issue is that I feel kanjos are being too much every time I am in town. They arrest you for no reason, they demand bribes and if you do not give them, they take you to City Hall. Worst part is that once your bike gets to City Hall, no one listens to you. I mean they will do anything they want to you. I mean that place is HELL BR for the motorists. Today I was arrested at the junction of Harambee Avenue and Moi Avenue just before joining Moi Avenue without a cause. My bike was taken to City Hall when I refused to give the bribe. I had to pay Ksh 2,000 for my bike to be released from City. Now Cyprian, tell me, this bike I am paying for on daily basis, I am paying batteries every day, I have to pay myself a salary because I have a family and need to save at least. Where will I get Ksh2,000 aside for every time I get to CBD? But it is hard out here. I really do not know if they understands this. We are not that privileged. We have tried looking for jobs but it has been difficult to come by. Let him not harass us too much. One day luck will also locate us and we will no longer be motorists."show more

Thoughts from Pebble: -18th hole is the hardest hole... in golf 😬🤦🏻‍♂️ -Really up and down week… Swing felt really good at times and really bad at times. I don’t feel like I’m too far off but not sharp either. Will work on my swing with Sean and try and get it going this week. -My short game was consistently bad though haha 😅. Couldn’t figure out the bunkers very well, and chipping was off. Not technique wise, just off with my touch. -Speaking of which, a tip for all you amateurs. You have to open the face when hitting bunker shots. The leading edge just digs way too much when you keep that face square. When you open the face, it doesn’t dig as much and you can release it more which is a better motion overall. -My amateur partners were great to play with. Thomas and Michael were both really nice guys and I hope they enjoyed their time. The weather the first two days were really great. Pebble in good weather is so so sick. -Good part is that my putting has definitely improved from last yr. I had a little trouble with greens being so slow this week but I’m finding my groove with my putting way more than last yr.show more

Good morning from The Hague! 🇳🇱 Earlier this year,... I had an unexpected financial windfall and decided to invest that amount in power stations for the front line in Ukraine. 🇺🇦 After consulting with Alex Bond about the right type and power output, I ordered 10 power stations of 1800W seven weeks ago. These were recently delivered in Frankfurt 🇩🇪, and by now one has already reached Ukraine. ❤️‍🔥💪🏼 The rest will also go straight from Frankfurt to the front. Alex and Irishka are coordinating between themselves to determine which units need them most right now. One power station will go to a SOF unit that Alex supports, where equipment was recently destroyed.😔 I know how incredibly busy all the Ukrainian volunteers are. They are operating at the very edge of what is humanly possible. That’s why I want to thank Alex Bond and Ірина Пархомик for their advice and logistical help on top of their already hectic lives.🙏🏼🫂🫡 My fellow volunteer Evert Groen 🇳🇱 has managed to deliver firefighting equipment in Slovyansk. I sometimes feel sorry for the Ukrainians who have to pronounce our Dutch names 😅 Have a great day everyone!☀️show more

i wanted to tell you how we made the... visuals for nerve-bloom i did it with Natalia Kleszczewska and Natalie Liu . Natalia Kleszczewska is a painter , she painted the creatures and the backgrounds . Natalie Liu is a computer graphics director , she shaped the digital dimension of the work . my role in it was a creative director , bringing in the singer-songwriter tradition , where emotionally precise things happen inside the structure of a song . i guided colour pallettes , textures and the environments the music happens in . to make this possible , during the process , natalia often had to paint many shapes and sizes , different textures and layers of colours . natalie then developed the visuals, designing and overseeing CGI elements , and finding ways for the digital to sit organically alongside Natalia’s world . and include my dramaturgy and creative direction. we spent 7 months talking and working together , dedicated to relish in the craft of blending hand-made visuals with digital experimentation , 3D design and commit it to physical display technology . a lot of time was spent on researching different tools and techniques to find what worked best at each stage in the song . like i’ve done before , i wanted to merge old things with tech , giving it soul & a meaning . to paint a painting is an analog craft but computer programming is craftmanship too !! and both can co-exist , .....encouraging each other to bloom even further towards a mutual world . there is a tradition in pop music for the mucisian to choose a video director . in the art world , this is called “curation” , but where we came from , it was natural that the musician would have strong opinions on what your song needed , which mood , colours , textures & storyline . today this is called “creative director” and it is something we didn’t credit ourselves with in the 90s , but i am starting to understand this better now . i don´t think of me as a visual artist . because my heart is music . everything i do comes from a sonic point of view . this is something i have called “sonic symbolism” , sound made visual , a reverse synesthesia . when you listen to a song for the first time , it is like swallowing a whale , you need to feel the whole musical sculpture in one go . the structure of a song has always been extremely important to me : what shape it is . this is part of the craft of being a singer-songwriter ........... we are tune sculpturors ....... since i am talking about the visuals for nerve bloom it is impossible to not mention the avatars in my music videos . they have replaced the storyteller with anattempt to connect to the more universal element of music , through animation, avatars , puppetry both digital and analog . for me they are marionettes in a puppet-theatre , hopefully in a similar realm as the jungian archetypes ( which we all can act out the characteristics of ...) .... i feel nerve-bloom is a natural continuation .... an animated avatar archetype singing you a song ––––– Avatars, animation and archetypes: Nerve Bloom (remix) – on display at Listasafn Íslands / National Gallery of Iceland until September 20th 2026. The production of this film was made possible with the generous support of #bottegaveneta.show more

Vitaliks mandarin fluency is a super bullish signal for... Ethereum 🐂 He had an open town hall at HK where community members asked him all sorts of questions, from the easy to the difficult The hard questions were all in Mandarin so i couldn't follow those 😅 At the town hall he laid out the guiding principle for Ethereum: cooperation without domination It's especially important in today's world where a powerful person dictates terms and others have to follow, or we have no cooperation & there's chaos What this means at a technical level is that Ethereums the world computer & we need to build enough trust that developers feel comfortable building apps on top of it. Solo staking, a conservative approach to changing the protocol etc are all part of this He also spoke on how new technology is a reset & creates a level playing field where the game starts again from zero with bringing a lot more people right to the frontier We are seeing this with AI (and zk too), where a noob developer can still catch up to a veteran with good prompt engineering. He shared his own experience of building an android app for the first time using AI despite having no prior experience in it Before people would say that EF needs to write more documentation. Now it's more relevant to show how deep seek integrations with solidity and Java can help easily create new Ethereum apps He sees AI as making it much easier for newcomers to build web3 apps & is making a push in this directionshow more

VTubing is for everyone! I don't like to bring... this up, but recent events in the VTuber community made some people really vile. I had my M&G at HolMat last week and had people come up and just yell at me for being a girl in the "womans world", that is VTubing, no idea about who I was, or why I was there. I had the same group return to my handler multiple times, I felt really worried about the person carrying me around having to deal with this repeatedly and tried to steer them away from the group. It seems they found my YT and left me a handful of the same comments, luckily all caught by moderation tools. While I will refrain from M&G's for a little until this calms down I want to say this; I have been managing for over 1.5 years now, I deliberately take on male VTubers to show them that they can still do it. I take on people that have babiniku accounts, those that are changing from one gender presentation to another and want help, and those that have no gender presentation in their avatar. A lot of male VTubers struggle to find a manager because the stereotype is that all male VTubers are evil and it perpetuates a stereotype that extends beyond entertainment industry subcultures like streaming. VTubing has always been a medium, while character and marketing matters, it's about what makes you happy, YOU are the person that makes the content. Use whatever you want as an avatar, use a voice changer if that's what you want to do. Every month I have a male client bring up they can't do it the same way, that it's easier if jiggle physics or a cute voice is the answer to fast growth. And I tell them yeah, I can also do ASMR, I can do drama content, collab with a larger person, and get to x amount of viewers. There are shortcuts in every entertainment profession and subculture. Does it last? Do quick fixes for anything ever last? Yes, great physics and an expensive model can get people in, but if your value, your way of interacting with people, your content plan and marketing is ass, you can pack up. Most of us start on a small budget, premade or resold models, and it's the same in the big league entertainment industry too. Can I take out a loan and put myself on a billboard tomorrow, can I pay the most expensive model artist and rigger and get in along corporate VTubers tomorrow? Sure. Will it last, will it be genuine, will people trust me? Hell no. Genuine communities and growth build trust. I think streaming, creative industries, entertainment, are full of people, regardless of gender, that will see success and call it "easy", because of what they see as the end product. They don't see most VTubers working a second job, they don't see the managers, they don't see 100+ hours a month going into content production, years invested in singing and voice lessons, model redebut after redebut. I think a lot of male VTubers get a bad rep, because so many boys are raised without putting emphasis on empathy and creativity, watching my brothers be told they should not pursue art, that theatre class is a waste of time, and that they needed to go study x or y to make money for their families in the future was heartbreaking. Nobody should have to look at others and feel so much hatred for society they turn against a whole group of people. If you want to pursue entertainment, please do. If you want to grow and try and make a name for yourself, you should start there, not with yelling about how you already failed. "Oh but I can't", "Oh but the odds are stacked against me", look at the big streamers, look at Ironmouse who overcame everything with hard work, look at Kiara who rose from the ashes, look at everyone that fights against their odds every day and give it your all. If you already think you lost, then you have nothing to lose. Don't give up on your dreams because others tell you to.show more

Sorry, I’m drunk: We don’t have many “little steps”... left to take or make. We won’t be together much longer. She will be taken; though I’ve known it for years, it doesn’t hurt less. She shined in an incredible way – a supernova. I was black-pilled after a terrible divorce complete w/ false accusations & later this woman came along; I was slow to trust & bitter but she made the world bright again. She made me smile. She gave me hope & something to come home to. I think that’s what most men aspire to…something to come home to, some family unit to serve & sacrifice for. I put my own life below my children’s, and below my wife or partner. I will suffer whatever I must for their benefit, and I’ll take satisfaction in doing it. In a weird way, it will make me happy. She is far more than I deserve & now she is wasting away…and I can’t do anything about it, no matter how much I work or suffer. Part of me – maybe a large part – will go with her. I will soldier on for the kids, but she was so beautiful & bright…that light will be gone & I’m not sure what’s left. Now she struggles to get out of bed. Can’t eat besides a bag of liquids hooked to a pump & tube, either. Which is only one of three tubes & bags. Cancer is devouring her. She weighs 80 pounds. She’s still beautiful. I will be lost without her; no purpose or rudder. I was going to show her the world & how to have spontaneous adventures…she’d started learning to non-rev & we made good use of it, but it’s not to be. I’ll carry on for the kids, but I just don’t see anything for me, and I’m tired of being the good soldier & sucking up all the bad shit. So, so tired of “you’ll survive”. I’m sorry. Like I said, I’m drunk. I need to let this stuff out sometimes. Bobby Brown had a great sentiment & my GF danced to it in the video: “Every little step I take, you will be there Every little step I make, we’ll be together” I was against commitments when we met, then skeptical, then hoped & lived for it. I rejoiced in finding a partner like her – she’s just so good. Then I was robbed of it. More importantly, she was robbed of everything. I already mourn for her, and part of that is mourning for all that could have been for her. The world is losing an amazing woman. Just a zombie at this point. Not feeling much of anything. Sorry, drunk musings as I go through my phone. I try not to talk about this, and I am really good when she’s unloading on me, but I don’t have anyone else to share that with & sometimes it builds up. I’m not a threat to anyone or myself; my job actually gives me some joy…but I’m just hurting at home now.show more