100000% dead on

Don’t cook get a take out - okay. Who’s going to put the kids to bed? Make their lunches? Help them with homework? Load the dishwasher etc? A lot of the stuff women do (and ‘nag’ their partners to help with) are essential tasks. Most women don’t just do all that shit for fun 🙄

So lower your standards of living and live in disorder but at least you won't be nagging your husband...? How are you gonna be "happy" when your needs for order are not being met? This take is assuming that your desire for order is purely a performance

@kuda2012_ I just don’t think you understand what’s being said

would you have rather just been able to thumbs down my comment rather than comment and not explain how you think I'm wrong?

This + just prioritize what makes you happy, too. Your own physical and mental maintenance. A husband who loves you will happily provide for those things if you ask and would much rather that than a burned out miserable wife/mother, which isnt a good thing for anyone in the family anyways

@kuda2012_ No one is saying you should live in squalor and that it’s fine lol

Real men help their wives around the house and give them breaks.

This is basically correct, but may be misconstrued. She's not saying to eat out every day because it makes you happy. She is merely saying, don't take on that extra, difficult task in an effort to be a "good wife" when that extra work makes you miserable.

@Cernovich Spot on. I was HOPING for the mothering connection comment and she nailed it! No healthy man wants to be mothered. No healthy woman wants to mother their husband. There are moments where these lines are acceptingly blurred, but it’s rare.

@SJWilliams123 There is a balance in everything. Most aggravation comes from a tyranny of expectations not the act of doing things. Things are done out of necessity. Unmet expectations lead to disappointment which leads to aggravation which leads to nagging.

My husband sat me down to tell me exactly this (again) recently. He said he'd rather pick up more slack around the house than have me be stressed because *that's* what makes him stressed. Having a place to come home to that isn't full of anxiety is way more important.

I agree, but then they just use the fact that you stop doing things as leverage in later arguments

This is 100% accurate. I was overworking, and it seemed like my husband was actually frustrated with me, and I couldn’t fathom it. I realized that he didn’t care if we had fresh sourdough or if I made Christmas cards for everyone. He just wanted to spend time together.

90% of the things she described women doing that burns them out and makes them miserable are things they think they're expected to do by social media and other women in their lives. drop all the extraneous crap that drains you

“Be happy” is a nice way of saying “stop complaining”. Doesn’t solve every problem but does solve the substantial problem of the constant complaining.

Women want to feel needed by their men. We intrinsically want to serve him and we punish ourselves with stress if things don’t go as planned. Don’t destroy the illusion that all our efforts are actually redundant. ALLOW WOMEN TO SUFFER.

Ladies, it’s true. As much as us men love all of the things you do for us, nothing beats your happy and uplifting presence. You can be the best cook, home-maker etc, but if you’re miserable, good chance we’re going to be miserable. Your peace is our peace.

I don't want someone resenting me for providing something I never asked for.

Takeaway every day for the kids and no cleaning (assuming dad does no cleaning or cooking in both scenarios lol, if he does more in one scenario vs the other then surely it's more like a happy/good balance rather than happy instead of good)

Being pleasant to be around works like a charm.

pinky

Fact check: True

@DisaffectedPod 👆interesting take you might be interested in. And I think valid in a lot of instances

That is the reason why men go around making dad jokes. It’s a survival mechanism to try to make the wife happy and laugh. “When mom’s unhappy, everyone is unhappy” has a lot of truth to it.

@Cernovich It’s true that a happy woman makes a happy man. I love it when my wife is smiling, and full of joy. But that doesn’t mean I - or she - can put aside what is best for our children, or our lives overall - to pursue shallow pleasures. Those things don’t solve the core issues here

Like with everything in life the answer is somewhere in the middle, it shouldn't be one extreme or the other. Are we saying it's impossible to have a functional relationship and be happy. In a modern partnership, cooking, cleaning should be shared so it doesn't get to that

I love watching women give other women advice. I just watched yesterday a sugar girl give advice to other sugar girls. I just watched a stay at home mom give advice to traditional wives. I am low key obsessed.

The decades long trend of women prioritizing their own happiness over their own responsibilities and expecting men to fall in line is incredible. Be both happy and good. Find ways to achieve such a state.

@Cernovich Moms put so much excess shit on their plates they’re always grumpy, pissed and resentful. A man would rather come home to a calm house with a few dirty dishes than a contentious house that’s perfectly clean.

happy wife, happy life

How about be partners and not resentful

I wish my ex wife had seen this

If I dont do these tasks, nobody else will do them. I don't vacuum and pack lunches because I love it, but it needs to get done.

I don't think she fully understands it but one of the things she got right was give him peace

Agreed! Something I talk about on stage: “Toxic Femininity”, sacrificing your own happiness to serve people in your circle who wouldn’t do the same to help you. Not as catastrophic for the world as Toxic Masculinity, but a trap for far too many people (mostly women).

Gotta be both…one can make adjustments in either bucket depending on the situation but happiness and effort are both vital…