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bangers only

Los Angeles Chargers

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53,750 views • 1 month ago •via X (Twitter)

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TobyWrites

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A pun that would make a dad proud. 💯🔥😂 Who else thinks we need to bring back dad pun humor? It's been a while since I saw some bangers out there. Here's a few great ones off the top of my head: I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta. I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese. I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. Why can’t you trust stairs? They’re always up to something. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing. It just waved. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired. I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places. What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.

A pun that would make a dad proud. 💯🔥😂 Who else thinks we need to bring back dad pun humor? It's been a while since I saw some bangers out there. Here's a few great ones off the top of my head: I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta. I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese. I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. Why can’t you trust stairs? They’re always up to something. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing. It just waved. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired. I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places. What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.

Giga Based Dad

30,376 views • 8 days ago

I've bought over 30 RV & MH parks in the last 5 years. Lately? 2 per month. Want our playbook? Here ya go: How to buy a small, off-market mobile home or RV park that can 2x your money in 1-2 years, in 5 steps: 1. Pick a city in a red state. The two biggest factors: Crime & unemployment rates Crime: CrimeGrade . org Unemployment: SimpleMaps . com Cities with 3k - 30k people are best. This is the sweet spot for enough population & not to much competition. You want parks with almost no web presence & little to no reviews. A DG nearby is great. Walmart is better. But remember, “if no DG, it ain’t for me.” If there's a Whole Foods you ain't getting a good deal, I promise. Growth rate is good too, but #3 to the two above. Don't worry about the path of progress as much as other asset classes might. 2. Find the leads Get on Google Maps and search "mobile home park" in your target area(s). Avoid NY & CA (not landlord friendly). Make a Google sheet of the leads & use Loom to record your screen. Spend 30 mins doing this. OR, use something like Outscraper to do it for you. Be warned though, that if you don’t do this yourself the scraped results may not be as accurate. If you’re targeting a smaller geographical area I would do it by hand. If a whole state, use software. You’re looking for phone numbers. Use SearchBug . com to see if cell or landline for pennies. Or Phone Validator Go to Upwork and hire a virtual assistant to keep doing this for you, assuming you are targeting a larger area. They will cost around $4/hour. Use that same Loom link in your posting so applicants can see what the job will entail. When working, Loom it! You’ll never know when you’ll need it. When in doubt, Loom it out! More leads = better deals. 3. Call the leads Call up the owners and be real. Don't talk about any accolades. He doesn't care and it will only hurt you. You're a hard working country boy. You have a wife and kids (I hope you actually do). Are you a democrat? Don't tell the owner. (Sorry, democrats). Here's your general pitch: "I'm not a broker, I'm just looking for some good real estate and don't want to waste your time with a lowball offer. I can pay cash and close fast" Tell him about your wife and kids and what you do on the weekend. Most importantly, LISTEN. He's going to talk your ear off. This is a good sign. 4. Ask the right questions Ask him: How many pad sites? How many of those have a unit on them? How many of the units are RVs? (It's common for there to be a mix of MH/RV) Any single family homes on the property? Rent? Are the units park owned or tenant owned? (this is key) If a mix, what's the mix? Park-owned homes you have to maintain. AVOID AT ALL COSTS. Tenant-owned homes are key (lot rent). This means you only rent out the land and underground infrastructure. Depending on the state, sometimes you can sell back or give away the park-owned units to the tenants to absolve yourself of maintenance. Check the laws! You'll command half the rent but enjoy 90% less hassles. $250 - $350 is common lot rent in the midwest and SE. What's the occupancy and rental amount of each type of unit? Any outbuildings on the property? Septic or city sewer? If septic, conventional or aerobic? Sewer is best. Septic isn’t a deal breaker but you REALLY want to have it inspected. If there’s a lagoon or wastewater treatment plant I want you to throw that phone as far as you can, block their number and never speak of it again. Within city limits or no? City limits are best but rare. Outstanding municipal or zoning issues? How much is insurance? How much is landscaping? Asphalt, cement or dirt roads? Condition of the roads? Any drainage issues? Is there a manager? What do you pay them? (Best if no manager) Any pending litigation? What are total collections? How do people pay rent? How many are delinquent? What condition are the units in? Do you have a lien on the property? How long have you owned it? 30 or 50 amp? City maintained streets? City water or well? City is best. Keep in mind, that’s a lot of questions to ask. You have to feel it out, if he’s being standoffish, don’t keep pushing, just call back. This isn’t a used car lot, this is a relationship you’re trying to build. Don’t try and close on this first call. The key question: "If we were to make a deal, what's a ballpark offer you'd expect?" NEVER anchor him with the phrase "bottom dollar." Using the word "ballpark" keeps numbers loose. Whatever number he says, you want to pause and hem and haw over it. Embrace the silence and awkwardness. Back to car sales, they call this the “silent walkaround” when valuing a trade-in. Don’t say a thing about the asset, but point out the flaws with your body language. Touch the dents and scratches as you pause. Do the phone version of this. Tell him you'll get back to him tomorrow. Thank him profusely for his time and congratulate him on the park he's built. 5. Underwrite Before you do anything, check with the city to ensure the park is in good standing. Get that in writing. Don't trust the seller. Buyers are liars? So are sellers! Now's time to crunch numbers: What's a cap rate? The net operating income of the park divided by the price you'd like to pay. If you want your money back in 5 years and you're willing to pay up to $1m, you need $200k net profit per year. This is a 20% cap rate (20 cap). It's aggressive but possible on a smaller, rural park. (Yes, it really is, even in 2023) You probably won’t find a park that big in a small town for a good price, though. Start w/ a smaller park & higher cap rate. More room for error. $300k - $1m purchase price. First do some market research: Remember all your leads? Call competing parks as a potential tenant and ask what their lot rent is. Put this in a spreadsheet to get average lot rent & park-owned home rent. Keep in mind many of these parks will be undercharging as well. It's common to find parks charging $100 that could charge $250. When calculating cap rate BE CONSERVATIVE. Don't count on 100% of people staying if you increase rents, even though most will. Use $190 to be safe. Shoot for a park that will net $100k/year after rent increases that you pay no more than $600k for. It’s hard but not impossible. Or maybe you find a $30k/year park to get your feet wet. At least you're in the game. The more leads you scrape, the better chance of finding this park. Shoot for as much seller financing as you can get. Finance the rest with friends/family or savings. Once you find this park, get it under contract. Use a standard, simple real estate form that you can find on your state's real estate commission website. Texas' is called TREC. Yes, get it under contract before seeing it. Put down earnest and option money, and then go see it. Don't dress like a city slicker. Be personable and be willing to stay a while and BS. Drive a Tesla? Rent a truck. Drive a Prius? Just quit. Inspect the condition of the units, even if you aren't buying them Crappy units = more tenants willing to abandon them. And they aren't cheap to remove or move. Verify everything he said on the call If all looks good, start on the inspections: Septic or sewer lines SFH home inspection. Check with the city for outstanding issues or litigation Check for liens Wastewater treatment plant? If so, abandon ship! Electrical infrastructure Use professionals for all of these. Ask for: Rent rolls. They will likely be handwritten, that’s ok. Bank statements. Ask to speak to a few tenants to get their experience. Inspect their lease. Ask for vendor invoices or history of payments. Ask to speak to vendors. At some point before you close, list the property on Craigslist, FB Marketplace and Zillow. See how demand is for vacancies. If all still looks good, close on the property. 6. Post-closing strategy Meet all the tenants in the evening, they're at work during the day. Shake their hands. Tell them you want their experience to be amazing & you want them to stay Give them your number Ask what can be fixed If fixes are cheap, do them ASAP Tell that tenant once fixes are made. Address them by name. Clean up the park. Hire a tree guy to clear out low hanging branches. Do some simple landscaping. Find the tattletale in the park and get all the dirt. Who are the druggies and abusive husbands? Get them out ASAP if you can. They are much more expensive than the temporary vacancy hit. Fix potholes and drainage issues. ADD VALUE. Show you care. Wait a couple months before making any changes. Bring lot rents closer to market. Be upfront about this. They will understand if they've been getting a deal. Give people 2-3 more months' notice to give them time. Keep renting out vacancies at new price. This isn't self storage. You won't raise rents yearly. Don't be a jerk. Let them know what to expect. Once rents are raised and park is stabilized, you are 9-12 months in. Search Loopnet for the most active MHP brokers Hire the best one & pay what he or she commands. Sell on the market for 7-10% cap You've just 2-3x'ed your money. Rinse & repeat. I have done this over many times. Not all of my deals were bangers, but most were. THERE ARE STILL DEALS OUT THERE. There's a lot of fine print, and things can and will go wrong, so don't be dumb. Do your own research. Not everything can be explained in 1,700 words. I'm hosting a live, free webinar this Tuesday to cover this stuff in more detail. Including: 1. How to do everything above in more detail 2. How to ETHICALLY wholesale deals like these if you can't afford to buy them. 3. What hard questions to ask GPs of parks like these (like me) if you want to invest in them. 4. Live Q&A with me Comment below and me or my assistant Kelly will DM you the invite link. See you there! Or just follow me Chris Koerner for more RV/MHP content.

I've bought over 30 RV & MH parks in the last 5 years. Lately? 2 per month. Want our playbook? Here ya go: How to buy a small, off-market mobile home or RV park that can 2x your money in 1-2 years, in 5 steps: 1. Pick a city in a red state. The two biggest factors: Crime & unemployment rates Crime: CrimeGrade . org Unemployment: SimpleMaps . com Cities with 3k - 30k people are best. This is the sweet spot for enough population & not to much competition. You want parks with almost no web presence & little to no reviews. A DG nearby is great. Walmart is better. But remember, “if no DG, it ain’t for me.” If there's a Whole Foods you ain't getting a good deal, I promise. Growth rate is good too, but #3 to the two above. Don't worry about the path of progress as much as other asset classes might. 2. Find the leads Get on Google Maps and search "mobile home park" in your target area(s). Avoid NY & CA (not landlord friendly). Make a Google sheet of the leads & use Loom to record your screen. Spend 30 mins doing this. OR, use something like Outscraper to do it for you. Be warned though, that if you don’t do this yourself the scraped results may not be as accurate. If you’re targeting a smaller geographical area I would do it by hand. If a whole state, use software. You’re looking for phone numbers. Use SearchBug . com to see if cell or landline for pennies. Or Phone Validator Go to Upwork and hire a virtual assistant to keep doing this for you, assuming you are targeting a larger area. They will cost around $4/hour. Use that same Loom link in your posting so applicants can see what the job will entail. When working, Loom it! You’ll never know when you’ll need it. When in doubt, Loom it out! More leads = better deals. 3. Call the leads Call up the owners and be real. Don't talk about any accolades. He doesn't care and it will only hurt you. You're a hard working country boy. You have a wife and kids (I hope you actually do). Are you a democrat? Don't tell the owner. (Sorry, democrats). Here's your general pitch: "I'm not a broker, I'm just looking for some good real estate and don't want to waste your time with a lowball offer. I can pay cash and close fast" Tell him about your wife and kids and what you do on the weekend. Most importantly, LISTEN. He's going to talk your ear off. This is a good sign. 4. Ask the right questions Ask him: How many pad sites? How many of those have a unit on them? How many of the units are RVs? (It's common for there to be a mix of MH/RV) Any single family homes on the property? Rent? Are the units park owned or tenant owned? (this is key) If a mix, what's the mix? Park-owned homes you have to maintain. AVOID AT ALL COSTS. Tenant-owned homes are key (lot rent). This means you only rent out the land and underground infrastructure. Depending on the state, sometimes you can sell back or give away the park-owned units to the tenants to absolve yourself of maintenance. Check the laws! You'll command half the rent but enjoy 90% less hassles. $250 - $350 is common lot rent in the midwest and SE. What's the occupancy and rental amount of each type of unit? Any outbuildings on the property? Septic or city sewer? If septic, conventional or aerobic? Sewer is best. Septic isn’t a deal breaker but you REALLY want to have it inspected. If there’s a lagoon or wastewater treatment plant I want you to throw that phone as far as you can, block their number and never speak of it again. Within city limits or no? City limits are best but rare. Outstanding municipal or zoning issues? How much is insurance? How much is landscaping? Asphalt, cement or dirt roads? Condition of the roads? Any drainage issues? Is there a manager? What do you pay them? (Best if no manager) Any pending litigation? What are total collections? How do people pay rent? How many are delinquent? What condition are the units in? Do you have a lien on the property? How long have you owned it? 30 or 50 amp? City maintained streets? City water or well? City is best. Keep in mind, that’s a lot of questions to ask. You have to feel it out, if he’s being standoffish, don’t keep pushing, just call back. This isn’t a used car lot, this is a relationship you’re trying to build. Don’t try and close on this first call. The key question: "If we were to make a deal, what's a ballpark offer you'd expect?" NEVER anchor him with the phrase "bottom dollar." Using the word "ballpark" keeps numbers loose. Whatever number he says, you want to pause and hem and haw over it. Embrace the silence and awkwardness. Back to car sales, they call this the “silent walkaround” when valuing a trade-in. Don’t say a thing about the asset, but point out the flaws with your body language. Touch the dents and scratches as you pause. Do the phone version of this. Tell him you'll get back to him tomorrow. Thank him profusely for his time and congratulate him on the park he's built. 5. Underwrite Before you do anything, check with the city to ensure the park is in good standing. Get that in writing. Don't trust the seller. Buyers are liars? So are sellers! Now's time to crunch numbers: What's a cap rate? The net operating income of the park divided by the price you'd like to pay. If you want your money back in 5 years and you're willing to pay up to $1m, you need $200k net profit per year. This is a 20% cap rate (20 cap). It's aggressive but possible on a smaller, rural park. (Yes, it really is, even in 2023) You probably won’t find a park that big in a small town for a good price, though. Start w/ a smaller park & higher cap rate. More room for error. $300k - $1m purchase price. First do some market research: Remember all your leads? Call competing parks as a potential tenant and ask what their lot rent is. Put this in a spreadsheet to get average lot rent & park-owned home rent. Keep in mind many of these parks will be undercharging as well. It's common to find parks charging $100 that could charge $250. When calculating cap rate BE CONSERVATIVE. Don't count on 100% of people staying if you increase rents, even though most will. Use $190 to be safe. Shoot for a park that will net $100k/year after rent increases that you pay no more than $600k for. It’s hard but not impossible. Or maybe you find a $30k/year park to get your feet wet. At least you're in the game. The more leads you scrape, the better chance of finding this park. Shoot for as much seller financing as you can get. Finance the rest with friends/family or savings. Once you find this park, get it under contract. Use a standard, simple real estate form that you can find on your state's real estate commission website. Texas' is called TREC. Yes, get it under contract before seeing it. Put down earnest and option money, and then go see it. Don't dress like a city slicker. Be personable and be willing to stay a while and BS. Drive a Tesla? Rent a truck. Drive a Prius? Just quit. Inspect the condition of the units, even if you aren't buying them Crappy units = more tenants willing to abandon them. And they aren't cheap to remove or move. Verify everything he said on the call If all looks good, start on the inspections: Septic or sewer lines SFH home inspection. Check with the city for outstanding issues or litigation Check for liens Wastewater treatment plant? If so, abandon ship! Electrical infrastructure Use professionals for all of these. Ask for: Rent rolls. They will likely be handwritten, that’s ok. Bank statements. Ask to speak to a few tenants to get their experience. Inspect their lease. Ask for vendor invoices or history of payments. Ask to speak to vendors. At some point before you close, list the property on Craigslist, FB Marketplace and Zillow. See how demand is for vacancies. If all still looks good, close on the property. 6. Post-closing strategy Meet all the tenants in the evening, they're at work during the day. Shake their hands. Tell them you want their experience to be amazing & you want them to stay Give them your number Ask what can be fixed If fixes are cheap, do them ASAP Tell that tenant once fixes are made. Address them by name. Clean up the park. Hire a tree guy to clear out low hanging branches. Do some simple landscaping. Find the tattletale in the park and get all the dirt. Who are the druggies and abusive husbands? Get them out ASAP if you can. They are much more expensive than the temporary vacancy hit. Fix potholes and drainage issues. ADD VALUE. Show you care. Wait a couple months before making any changes. Bring lot rents closer to market. Be upfront about this. They will understand if they've been getting a deal. Give people 2-3 more months' notice to give them time. Keep renting out vacancies at new price. This isn't self storage. You won't raise rents yearly. Don't be a jerk. Let them know what to expect. Once rents are raised and park is stabilized, you are 9-12 months in. Search Loopnet for the most active MHP brokers Hire the best one & pay what he or she commands. Sell on the market for 7-10% cap You've just 2-3x'ed your money. Rinse & repeat. I have done this over many times. Not all of my deals were bangers, but most were. THERE ARE STILL DEALS OUT THERE. There's a lot of fine print, and things can and will go wrong, so don't be dumb. Do your own research. Not everything can be explained in 1,700 words. I'm hosting a live, free webinar this Tuesday to cover this stuff in more detail. Including: 1. How to do everything above in more detail 2. How to ETHICALLY wholesale deals like these if you can't afford to buy them. 3. What hard questions to ask GPs of parks like these (like me) if you want to invest in them. 4. Live Q&A with me Comment below and me or my assistant Kelly will DM you the invite link. See you there! Or just follow me Chris Koerner for more RV/MHP content.

Chris Koerner

368,571 views • 2 years ago