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Corporate life

Wx

1,706 subscribers

13,174 次观看 • 6 天前 •via X (Twitter)

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🚨EMERGENCY BROADCAST FROM CHESNYY CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS (aka the living room floor)🚨 I, Chesnyy von Tolerates-A-Lot, Professional Service Rottie, Holder of Multiple PhDs in Not Murdering Puppies, have discovered the ultimate life hack: getting PAID IN LIVER to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING while a tiny terrorist attempts daily assassination. Human is trying to teach the walking felony currently known as “Kenji” (11 weeks old, 47 counts of attempted leg theft) how to sit for longer than a TikTok video. Payment schedule: freeze-dried liver every 3–4 seconds. That’s not training. That’s a CRYPTO MINING RIG made of treats. My job? Sit next to the gremlin like a very expensive garden gnome. Human says “Chesnyy, hug.” I gracefully extend one paw, bestow a gentle boop on his shoulder like I’m blessing the peasants, and—JACKPOT. JACKPOT. JACKPOT. Liver pours from the heavens like I just hit the slots in doggy Vegas. I don’t even have to twitch. I’m getting filthy rich on pure vibes.This is passive income so passive it’s basically a coma with benefits. Downside? The gremlin hears “touch” and translates it to “ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT CHESNYY BUFFET.” He launches himself like a heat-seeking missile, and tries to remove my entire forearm with his collection of sewing-needle teeth. I do not flinch. I do not break sit. I stare straight ahead like a British guard watching a tourist make a fool of themselves. I collect my salary. I mentally update my LinkedIn: “Experienced in high-risk treat acquisition.” Human thinks she’s training the puppy. Wrong. I have engineered the perfect Ponzi scheme where the only victim is my patience and the only winner is my treat belly. Attached: undeniable video proof of me becoming a millionaire while a sentient chainsaw attempts to saw me in half. Like if you’d sell your soul for freeze-dried liver. RT if I deserve combat pay, a medal, and early retirement. Comment the most ridiculous “job” you’ve ever done for food. Quote with your own “calm big dog vs. tiny war criminal” footage — I need to know I’m not alone in this hostage situation. I’m exhausted from all this… existing. Send reinforcements. Or a liver subscription. Or therapy. (Definitely more liver.) Respectfully submitting my resignation (never), Chesnyy Chief Executive of Treats, Tolerator of Tiny Terrors, Future Liver Billionaire #ServiceRottie #RottiePuppy #TreatPonziScheme #BigSisterTrauma #HazardPayNow #SendLiverOrElse

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