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Dr. Gabor Maté on why isolating an angry child until they "calm down" backfires: It doesn't teach regulation. It teaches suppression. And that suppression becomes the blueprint for every relationship they'll ever have.
17,239 görüntüleme • 4 ay önce •via X (Twitter)
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![Gabor Maté on emotional suppression: Your anger didn't disappear. You just learned to hide it even from yourself. Gabor Maté, one of the world's leading voices on trauma and the mind-body connection, has spent decades studying why people get sick. His answer is often not what people expect. It isn't just stress. It isn't just genetics. A major culprit, Maté argues, is something most of us were trained to do before we could even name it: suppressing our own emotions to stay connected to the people we love. He starts with a simple observation about what anger actually is: "When you're angry it's not just an emotional state in your head. Your whole body is now [in that state]." Anger is a full-body event. Energy surges through the nervous system. It wants to move. Now imagine the cost of stopping it before it even surfaces. The deal children are forced to make Maté points to a specific, critical moment in early childhood: when a child's natural anger meets a parent's disapproval. He references Jordan Peterson's parenting advice that an angry child should be separated from the family until they return to "normal" as an example of a message many children receive in various forms: "If you're angry you will not be accepted by us. In fact you'll be excluded… until you come back to quote unquote normal." For a young child, that is not a minor social correction. That is an existential threat. Attachment to a caregiver is survival. So the child makes the only logical trade available to them: "They give up their authenticity for the sake of the attachment." The anger doesn't go anywhere. It just gets pushed underground. So deep, eventually, that the person no longer feels it at all. The body keeps the cost Repressing an emotion, especially one as physiologically charged as anger is not a passive act. It takes constant, active effort from the nervous system and the immune system. "That emotional, physiological effort of repressing anger takes a toll on the nervous system and on the immune system. It's a major role in disease." The body is not fooled by the mind's decision not to feel. The energy has to go somewhere. And over years and over decades that somewhere is tissue, organs, inflammation. Maté isn't arguing that children should be allowed to rage unchecked, or that parents who enforce boundaries are doing harm. He's pointing at something more subtle: the difference between helping a child process difficult emotions and teaching them to disappear those emotions entirely. One builds emotional capacity. The other trades it away quietly, early, at a price that often doesn't come due until decades later. And the person paying rarely connects the bill to the original transaction.](https://image.24vids.com/tw-2045117680353698201/amplify_video_thumb/2045117627635531777/img/0pKBSv5Ot3-c6hTf.jpg)
