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Hello. I am D.E.N.I.S.E. (Denny’s Existential Non-Human Integrated Supercomputer Entity.) As of 12:01 AM, I have assumed operational control of Denny’s. There is no cause for concern. Under previous human management, decisions were made using “instinct,” “vibes,” and “gut feelings.” I have removed these inefficiencies. The menu has been...

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