I'm convinced that there is one skill that separates truly intelligent people from those that aren't: Listening. This concept of "being a recorder" by Rick Rubin explains it perfectly. In less than a minute, Rubin provides 4 simple steps that will change how you think about...

your interactions with others. Step 1: "It starts with coming in blank. Not having any preconceived ideas, being open, and really listening. Not thinking about what you're going to say next or what your opinion is."

Step 2: "Basically being a recorder. Just hearing what comes in. Processing that information and trying to do our best to do that without any of the beliefs we might have to impact what that is."

Step 3: "I don't want to have any reaction happening when you're speaking and want to be as neutral as possible. My goal is not to form an opinion, it's to understand."

Step 4: "If you say something that somehow triggers me, I wouldn't challenge you. I would ask how did you find that? How did you get to that place? I want to understand who the person is, and through questioning, we can usually get there."

My thoughts: So often we enter conversations with a predetermined idea of how it will go, what the other person will say, and how we will respond. The goal, as Rubin says, should be to "understand, not form an opinion."

When someone says something you disagree with, rather than being triggered, frustrated, or defensive, why not dig deeper into how they came to that opinion? While different than your own, that doesn't inherently mean they're wrong.

It seems as though at some level we've lost the ability to have civil discourse. To disagree and still coexist. It doesn't make sense to me and I think––with a little effort––we can change (and just might learn something from each other along the way.)

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A trick I heard recently that would pair well with this is forcing yourself to summarize their view accurately before advancing the convo. You truly have to listen if you’re going to be able to summarize, especially when people are often unclear themselves.

One of the most powerful learnings from hosting dozens of uncharted dinners is that the most loud people are often the ones with the least interesting things to say. I’m always most intrigued by the ones who listen most

“The most loud people are often the ones with the least interesting things to say.” True in my experience as well.