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I’m grateful everything I touch turns to gold. For example, I just got finished winning $22,000 in 15 minutes playing Blackjack. Even my bedsheets turned gold last night from “wrestling around” with my newly spray tanned 28 year-old sexy fitness competitor I met in the casino last night! Needless... show more
10 条评论

The "fitness competitor" he's talking about is definitely a guy.

I bet that was the first thought in your head was, “ I wish it was me that was the fitness competitor.”

Hard to believe your wife left you…

Yeah, can you imagine a single rich tall guy like myself who’s divorced & single actually having sex with hot women? I mean, that kind of happens when a guy like me decides not to fall into the trap of the institution of marriage that only benefits a woman. If you need help getting laid, let me know I can send you some of my old roster.

U might be the worst thing to ever walk the earth

I can taste your jealousy. How’s the 9 to 5 today? I’m currently soaking in the spa right now about to get a massage. I might even get a happy finish if I’m lucky.

Yep shit that never happened for 1000 alex.

How’s Loki doing? Do you have black widow posters all over your wall with semen stains all over them?

You’re so ridiculously bitter.

I didn’t die a hero. But I’ve finally lived long enough to become the villain. My bitterness died long ago when my distain for most humans birthed my obsession to become the best serial killer the world has ever seen.
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It’s been really heavy on my mind all day long, seeing alllllllllllllllll your comments & lengthy essays about what exactly IS too much ass. Admittedly I’m no mathematician, I thought I’d created the perfect ratio… I ran the numbers again and again. I gathered metrics for all the crypto parties & watched footage dissecting things in detail… Surely 36 butts will suffice? Surely it would be enough booty to be on brand. Enough ass to cut through this monotonous cycle of circle-jerking in empty clubs & calling them “parties” Alas, upon landing it struck me: I was barely scratching the surface with my effort. It’s become apparent to me there is still so much work to be done here. The 30year old virgins have developed a Stockholm syndrome of sorts. I have to dedicate more time & resources to see my mission through. I will pluck every last dork from this ecosystem, I will burn their roots so they cannot grow. I will save you from them. Crypto WILL have ass. The baddies ARE coming. $MOTHER will provide.
IGGY AZALEA
666,879 次观看 • 1 年前
