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Man married for 24 years with zero physical intimacy asks Dr. John Delony what to do. Caller: “My wife and I have been married for 24 years, and there’s no physical touch between us at all. I’ve given her space for years because of her trauma and health issues,...

50,704 次观看 • 1 个月前 •via X (Twitter)

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“I fantasize about other women during sex with my wife.” Caller: “I’ve been married for almost 15 years. My wife and I have a great relationship. Great marriage. We have four kids. She’s my soulmate. Everything’s going great… Except I’m not sexually attracted to my wife. We’re intimate two or three times a week, but I have to fantasize about other people and other situations to stay aroused and perform for her. I don’t like it. I don’t want to keep doing this.” Dr. John Delony: “I feel like the preamble all the stuff you told me before this isn’t true. Because she doesn’t know this. You told me you’re more intimate than you’ve ever been, more in love, more communicative… But she doesn’t know you’re not attracted to her. This has little to nothing to do with sexual attraction. It has to do with feeling alive in your own home. And you don’t. Everything has to be a theater performance.” And that’s where this gets much deeper than sex. The hard truth: A marriage can look incredibly healthy from the outside while one person is privately performing a version of it. Patrick says they have great communication. But his wife doesn’t know one of the biggest truths about how he experiences their intimacy. He says they’re deeply connected. But he’s carrying a secret that affects one of the most vulnerable parts of their relationship. He says she’s his soulmate. Yet he has spent years creating an internal world where he can experience something he doesn’t feel in the marriage. That doesn’t automatically mean the marriage is fake. But it does mean the intimacy isn’t as honest as he believes it is. And there’s another uncomfortable question: What does “feeling alive” actually mean to him? Is he disconnected from his wife? Disconnected from himself? Has sex become routine? Has fantasy become an escape? Or is there something deeper he’s afraid to confront? Because blaming everything on attraction could be an easy answer to a much harder problem. The real danger isn’t simply that he fantasizes. It’s that he’s built a functioning marriage around a truth his wife doesn’t know. And eventually, every performance becomes exhausting. You can’t create genuine intimacy while secretly acting out a role. Sometimes the hardest conversation in a marriage isn’t about what your spouse is doing wrong. It’s admitting that the version of the marriage you’ve been presenting isn’t the whole truth.

Davecryps

30,335 次观看 • 1 个月前

“Why can’t I make my wife happy?” Caller: “I’ve been married for 20 years, but it feels like for the last 10 years I’ve been living under a rock. No matter what I do, the goalposts keep moving. I’ll try my best… and then there’s something else I missed. Our youngest is 17. He graduates this year. My wife told me, ‘After this year, I don’t have to stay married to you anymore. We don’t have any kids holding us together. It’s just a matter of whether I want to be with you or not.’” Dr. John Delony: “I don’t know that you’ve been living under a rock as much as your wife has been lying to you for 10 years. I don’t think you’re failing some standard. It sounds like your wife doesn’t want to be married to you, and she’s riding out her clock. Who looks at their spouse and says, ‘Now that the kids are gone, now it’s up to me’? She weaponized that moment of vulnerability.” And that’s the part that hurts. The hard truth: You can spend years trying to become the person someone claims they need, only to discover the problem was never your performance. They simply didn’t want the marriage anymore. Paul thought there was a finish line. Fix this. Improve that. Try harder. Be better. But if the other person has already emotionally checked out, there is no amount of goalpost-moving that will finally make you “enough.” And there’s an even deeper problem here. If the marriage was only being held together because of the children, then the couple may have spent years confusing co-parenting with being partners. Kids eventually grow up. They were never supposed to be the glue holding the marriage together. You shouldn’t have to spend 20 years auditioning for your own marriage. A healthy marriage requires two people choosing each other not one person constantly trying to convince the other not to leave.

Davecryps

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Caller: I’m 43, I’ve been with my boyfriend 20 years, living together for 18. We have completely separate finances, but he’s financially irresponsible and now he wants me to help bail out his mother. John: What’s his financial situation? Caller: Minimal retirement savings, not much planning. His mom took out a reverse mortgage and it’s underwater. George: And he wants you to fix it? Caller: Yes. But I’ve been carrying this relationship emotionally and financially for years. We haven’t been intimate in almost a decade and he’s never been ambitious. John: Sarah, you’re essentially acting as a sugar mama in a relationship that’s profoundly unhealthy. And I think you know that. Caller: I do know it. But we’ve been together so long. George: Time invested isn’t a reason to stay. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for both of you, is leave. John: Stop looking for permission. You don’t need our permission to leave. This is your life and your future. Caller: But I feel guilty. John: Choose guilt over resentment. Because if you stay, resentment will poison you from the inside out. George: His mother’s reverse mortgage isn’t your responsibility. His lack of retirement savings isn’t your responsibility. His choices are his to make. John: You’re a grown woman. Start leaning on friends, get into counseling, and make a plan to build a life that serves you, not one where you’re carrying everyone else’s burdens. Caller: What if I regret leaving? John: Then you deal with that. But Sarah, regret is better than decades of resentment and emptiness.

Lin

11,934 次观看 • 2 个月前

Man admits he’s been cheating on his wife for 8 years… and still finds ways to blame her. Caller: “I’ve been married more than 20 years. I got involved with a coworker. It’s been about eight years now.” He said he struggled with the situation. “I’ve had a very difficult time dealing with those emotions. It’s drawn me away from being the best husband and father.” But he insisted he didn’t want his marriage to end. “I don’t want a divorce. I never planned this.” Dr. John Delony: “This isn’t a one-night stand. This is an eight-year-long sexual and emotional affair.” Then he challenged the way the caller was talking about it. “You’re talking about it like it just happened.” And then came the question he couldn’t avoid: “You’re going to blame your wife for this too?” Delony pointed out that marital tension doesn’t justify betrayal. “I don’t know a single marriage that doesn’t have tension when kids come along. That’s par for the course.” “And still… you chose to sleep with one of your employees for the better part of a decade.” Then he brought the conversation back to personal responsibility. “You have agency. You’ve always had agency.” His final assessment was brutal: “You’ve burned your house down. It’s already gone.” But he didn’t leave the caller without a path forward. “The only thing you can do now is the next right thing.” The hard truth: An eight year affair isn’t a lapse in judgment. It’s thousands of individual choices repeated over time. You can’t undo them, and you can’t outsource responsibility for them. If there’s any path forward, it starts with stopping the blame, telling the truth, accepting the consequences, and doing the next right thing.

FΛME

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My Girlfriend Gave Me An HIV; Not Sure Where To Go From Here ( Should We Stay Together?) Caller (Tim):so my question is, my girlfriend gave me a... a quite serious STD, and my parents found out about this. They are now against our relationship saying that it's a way that God is showing that this relationship was not meant to be. Um, I've been fighting this like against my parents. And my question is, has... is there too much that has happened for this relationship to work? Uh, or am I trying too hard to make it work? Dr. John Delony: Bro, there's a lot going on here, man. Whole lot. Um, before I dig in, let's... let me just... let's just have a conversation so I can get to know you for a second. Is that cool? Caller: Okay, yeah. Dr. John Delony: Um, you sound a little bit nervous. Are you nervous, or is this just weird? Or, I realize you're calling a stranger being like, "Yeah, I got an STI from this woman that I love." This whole thing's kind of weird. Caller: Well, no. This is basically the first person outside of this situation that I've talked to, so... Dr. John Delony: Gotcha. Well, dude, I'm... I'm grateful for the trust. It sounds like there's a lot, lot going on here. Um, tell me about you. How old are you? What do you do for a living? All that kind of stuff. Caller: Uh, 27. Um, uh, going to... uh, studying nursing. Dr. John Delony: Okay. Caller: And, uh, just about to graduate here. Dr. John Delony: So, congratulations on that. Um, do you live at home? Caller: No, I don't. Dr. John Delony: Okay. So, what kind of STI did you get? Caller: Uh, HIV. Dr. John Delony: Okay. So, you've got HIV. Okay, so I was wondering if this was... The... my first question was why in the world do your parents know? Um, if I'm 27, the last people on planet Earth I would call and tell I have an STI is my parents. But, um, HIV is super serious. What is your, um, health prognosis? Caller: it's... so, I guess the situation gets a little bit more difficult because, my dad does computer diagnostics, and he was able to accidentally kind of find out I have this, and so I am... Dr. John Delony: Accidentally kind of? What does that mean? Caller: Meaning he wasn't expecting it. He wasn't looking for it. It was just kind of came up when, uh, he was doing the... I regularly do checkups. He's a... a doctor. Dr. John Delony: Oh, so he's a doctor at the place where you went to get checked out, and he discovered through the computer system that his son has HIV? Caller: Yes. it's a... alternative medicine that he does, and so it's... it's a very different kind from modern medicine, so it's just the way that he found out. Um, I just go to my dad for all his, checkups. Dr. John Delony: Yeah. What a mess. Okay, so tell me about this person that you're dating. Caller: Um, so... um... I guess what... uh, what would you like to know about her? Dr. John Delony: Well, just tell me about her. Caller: Well, uh, she's a... she's a nurse. Um, and, uh, Illinois, and, um... This is the second, uh, serious relationship she's had. Dr. John Delony: Okay. Caller: Uh, for me, it's... um, maybe the first serious relationship for me. Dr. John Delony: Okay. Caller: Um, and so, she's... I mean, she grew up in a Christian family. She's... um... Dr. John Delony: Did she knowingly... knowingly give you HIV? Caller: No, she didn't know about it. Dr. John Delony: Okay. Is she the first person you've ever slept with? Caller: Yes. Dr. John Delony: Okay. How long have y'all been together?

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Her husband said, “It’s the kids or the marriage.” Caller: I was a single mom with two boys before I married, I made them a promise that if they went to college full-time, as long as God blessed me with health and employment, I would financially take care of them while they completed school. They kept their end of the deal, they got accepted into two really great schools, and I wanted to keep my end of the deal. The problem is, I got remarried, and my husband is completely against me helping them financially. Dave Ramsey: So you’ve supported them all this time? Caller: I have. Dave Ramsey: And they’re almost done, and he’s objecting to you finishing the support? Caller: One hundred percent, I pay for everything for my children. He’s never had to contribute anything towards their school or any of their expenses. He says, “You need to cut the string, and they need to fly on their own.” But I told him I made this promise, he was like, “It’s the kids or the marriage.” He just moved out a few months ago, I want to continue helping my children. Dave Ramsey: I’m sorry. Caller: Am I wrong? Dave Ramsey: No, you’re not wrong. Caller: He tells me all the time, “You’re Christian, and you need to submit to your husband.” Dave Ramsey: That’s not what the Bible’s talking about, submit does not mean endorsing misbehavior. Your marriage is not ending because you supported your children, your marriage is ending because it was not built on mutual respect and agreement. You had made a deal prior to getting married, he knew about that deal, and then after getting married was not okay with it and tried to change it and punish you for it. He’s framing the narrative that you’re choosing between him and your kids. But that’s not what’s happening at all, this has to do with him not getting his little way.

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48,491 次观看 • 2 个月前

Saving Myself For Marriage Was A waste. Caller (Anna): ...how can I help the bitterness and resentment that's growing in me towards my husband, I feel like he's ruining s*x for me. Dr. John Delony: How is he ruining sex for you? Caller: Okay, so background... I grew up... Dr. John Delony: (laughing) You were like, "Okay, let's do this." Caller: (laughs) I grew up very religious. Dr. John Delony: Okay. Caller: Very religious. No fun things in the bedroom until marriage. Dr. John Delony: Okay, so you didn't sleep with anybody else until you got married. Caller: Correct. Dr. John Delony: Okay. Caller: I met my husband now, husband at 27, married at 30. So a long time. A long time. Dr. John Delony: Awesome. Caller: And while I absolutely adore him and I think he is a wonderful wonderful person when we got married, it was... it just was not at all... Dr. John Delony: What you had built it up to be? Caller: Yes, and it still isn't. I feel like... and I've... I've talked to him about it, and my thing is... our honeymoon felt like a vacation. It didn't feel like a honeymoon. Dr. John Delony: What does that mean? What does that mean? Caller: That means that I had to initiate a lot of the time. That means that he initiated maybe once in the whole honeymoon. And I feel like he was more concerned about looking pool-time and, you know, sightseeing than he was with the point of the honeymoon, in my opinion. Dr. John Delony: Okay. Caller (Anna): And that carried when we got home, of course, that carried on. It only kind of became a little bit more stagnant. And that aggression, that lust, that passion isn't there. And I've had to initiate a lot, way more than I really want to. And I don't feel desired anymore. And this is going to sound so stupid, but... Dr. John Delony: Nothing you're saying is stupid. Caller (Anna): I've been having these thoughts where it's like, if this was what it was going to be, I could have been having fun in my twenties. Dr. John Delony: Sure. That's not stupid at all, not even a tiny bit. Caller (Anna): Okay. Dr. John Delony: Don't beat yourself up about that. Caller (Anna): What was the point? What was the point if I was just going to have a regular, normal, boring marital s*x life, then I could have had fun while I had time, you know? And as horrible as that sounds, it's how I feel, you know? Dr. John Delony: I don't think it sounds horrible. I don't think it sounds horrible, it makes sense. But I think there's something deeper than this. Tell me if I'm crazy, okay?

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