My soul would leave my body. 😳

That sounded more like a compressor stall and flameout.

And that brown and yellow staining on my seat cushion is just my ass discharging the sheer terror that was built up during that static discharge. Pay no attention. It's perfectly normal. Sheesh!

And please form an orderly line to the bathroom to wipe your ass after all of you just shit your pants

Nope, compressor stall, pilots reduced thrust and leveled out!

Compressor stall. Obstructed airflow through the engine.

Compressor stall. I'm not pilot but I did stay at a holiday express once.

Too late, I've opened the emergency exit doors and jumped using my t-shirt as a parachute because "it ain't that high yet"

Yeah, it sounded like possible engine failure. But not to worry, all multi-engine passenger aircraft can fly without one engine, even when fully loaded.

Good Captain getting that info out there ASAP.

I thought it might of been some Afghans banging to get out of the wheel arch.