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Please stepbro don't spank me 🥴 I lose all control 🥵 #sissy #sissycaption #sissyslut #femboy #crossdresser #slut #transgender #transgirl #feminine
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![Today, I'm doing something different. If you want the short version, watch the video below. Nearly five years ago, J.K. Rowling wrote an infamous tweet. It began: "Dress however you please. Call yourself whatever you like." She continued: "Sleep with any consenting adult who’ll have you. Live your best life in peace and security. But force women out of their jobs for stating that sex is real?" It took off like wildfire. At the time, Rowling's words suggested that pushback against transgender people/policies was not rooted in presentation, or even one's individual conceptualization of their identity. Her issue lie with the intersection of personal identity and policy, and was further inflamed by the cancel culture that engrossed social justice political dissenters. Perhaps she had a point. I didn't entirely know what to make of it. In some respects, I still don't. But her words made me think. After a few years, an unanswered question lingered in my mind. Is what Rowling describes a solution to growing gender identity dissent? Is there a lifestyle that a transgender individual could embody that would be 'acceptable' to these dissenters, or is their dissent just a veil for true contempt and disdain for those who cross gender boundaries? I projected that question upon myself. Was there a version of myself that—by accepting certain concessions—might pass muster and find acceptance amid dissenters? Was some give-and-take by transgender people all that was needed to de-escalate our growing dissent and toxic discourse? Many progressives, including many transgender people, told me the answer was an unequivocal 'No'. I was told that gender criticals/anti-woke/conservatives/[insert favourite polarizing label here] just hate transgender people and were wholly disingenuous in their concerns. I was told that their 'concerns' were mere dog whistles used to prop up their hate for the gender diverse. I wasn't convinced... in part because I appreciated some of their concerns. I knew I needed to learn more. So, I did the only thing I knew how to do. I followed my curiosity and spent the last two years amid the individuals who were purportedly out for my blood. I connected deeply within gender critical circles, listening, learning, and trying to make sense of the intersection of gender criticality, transgender experiences, and liberalism. I sought out solutions that might temper our ever-growing toxic discourse. I learned a lot and I had the most inspiring conversations of my life. And I made some of the most genuine friendships of my lifetime. As it turns out, it's very humanizing to know someone who thinks differently than you. Thousands of people shared with me the impact I imparted to them, as I was often the first transgender person they had ever known and befriended. These friendships were humanizing for me as well, bringing a new perspective to social conservative worldviews that I hadn't previously appreciated. For those who truly held no disdain towards transgender people, I embodied precisely what they had been preaching. In tune with Rowling's call, I called myself Julia and dressed from the women's side of Target, but I held no expectations of language, pronouns, or any form of affirmation. I steered clear of any space that might even plausibly be considered a women 's segregated space, be it a washroom, a changeroom, an association or a sports league. I embodied the model transgender person that many gender criticals profess is the solution to our unrest surrounding gender identity. I've been told thousands of times that if other transgender people were like me, then all of our issues would go away. And that is where things got interesting... because for quite a few years, gender-critical communities have been forming amid common concerns of various transgender accommodations and policies. For people in these communities who held no contempt toward a trans identity, I was a key ally. To them, I was living evidence that the balance they wished to achieve in transgender policy surrounding medical transition or education or compelled speech or spaces could be embodied by a transgender person. But I unwittingly became a wedge in gender-critical communities. As it turned out, there are plenty of gender-critical individuals whose convictions go far beyond mere policy concerns. These people hold tremendous contempt and disdain for transgender people. I faced bigotry and hatred firsthand. Until a transgender person comes into the gender critical community, those who saw might see me as an ally and those enraged by my existence were often indistinguishable, even to those within various communities. But the moment I would arrive on the scene, waves would form and the motivational divide would become evident. There's something rather unsettling about watching factions form and friendships fall apart merely because you entered a conversation. I cannot overstate the love and acceptance I found amid gender-critical individuals. Many amid these circles are just tired of being labelled anti-trans ad nauseam merely for expressing policy concerns. But I also cannot overstate how surreal it is to face individuals—in many cases with international attention upon them—reign down on you directly and personally in the most dehumanizing ways I've ever encountered. On more than a few occasions I experienced the machination of anti-trans pushback in full force. There were days I received dozens of tweets that launched personal attacks against my appearance or derided my likeness in grotesque manners. There were also days when I received thousands. Death theats, stalkers, invasions on my family's personal privacy. I encountered it all. On a few occasions I also experienced the machination of trans-activist pushback. I came to realize something: on the extremity of this polarizing issue, both sides can behave just as poorly. It was enlightening to watch the extent to which people would mischaracterize me, selectively crafting what I would write to frame me in the worst possible light imaginable. It was even more enlightening to watch opposing sides do this simultaneously—each fixated on casting me as a demon of the enemy they had come to fixate upon. I suppose that's what extremism does. To the vocal extreme of the transgender activist camp, I was a gender critical: a grifter uncancelling gender criticals by lending transgender credibility. To the vocal extreme of the gender critical camp, I was no different than any other transgender activist. Regardless of my position on social transition in school, compelled speech or space usage, nothing could undo that I unapologetically defy sex-role norms which—for many—was always the underlying issue. I observed that both 'sides' cast me as their 'other', while neither side embraced a member. I suspect that's in part because the 'side' I align with are the views that resonate with mostly everyone who isn't in the trenches of these politics. The side my views represent aligned most closely with the 90% of our population who are not beholden to either extreme on gender politics. My major takeaway from my past two years: that the vast majority of people want a world where transgender people can exist and thrive, where language isn't compelled but people are kind to one another, and where the intersections of gender norms and physical reality are thoughtfully balanced. They want an education system that recognizes the role of the parent as an ideological steward but also holds good safeguards both to intervene in truly abusive situations and provides adequate psychological support for any child experiencing psychological distress. That sounds hard, and it's near impossible when your sounding board is the groupthink at either extreme. I feel incredibly fortunate to have been afforded the opportunity to hold so many powerful friendships amid the liberal-loving middle that espouses the center-end of both factions. So what am I doing now? I am doing a new video series—possibly my last. In Gender for the Rest of Us, I'll be laying out what I've learned over the past two years about the solutions that bring us to a place of de-escalated discourse on gender. I'll attempt to be moderate through and through, though I should clarify that I don't mean 'Twitter moderate' or 'gender critical moderate' or 'trans activist moderate'. I mean regular, run-of-the-mill, moderate that resonates with those who truly want to balance transgender rights with those of everyone else. What I'll be putting forward in this series is my best attempt at finding solutions—real solutions—that maintain all tenets of liberalism: equality, individual liberty, individual rights, pluralism, toleration, autonomy, bodily integrity and consent. If you find yourself on either extreme of this divide, you probably won't like much of what I have to say. That's probably for the best because solutions don't like on the extremes. In a nutshell: This series is the essay I've promised to more than a few politicians outlining how we might de-escalate gender matters. Sorry it's taken so long. Politics are exhausting. Thank you to everyone (on both sides of this complex conversation) who has engaged with me in thoughtful conversation over the past months and years. I've learned a lot and grown tremendously from the challenges people have put in front of me. Please keep the messages coming—I want to keep learning and growing! All the best, Julia](https://image.24vids.com/tw-1797807540056608873/ext_tw_video_thumb/1797803952387305472/pu/img/WFnk2HP-JmR0Z6Fl.jpg)
