This man is a cunning linguist

I read that as cunnilingus my fucking brain

I’ve seen both. The ball sweat of Louisiana to the boner chill of Montana. I’ve been to Alaska, but it wasn’t that bad. Humidity down south sucks more than being frozen up north. Not by a lot. But it does suck more.

This guy wrote some nation's constitution in a past life.

this man learned to speak by reading civil war era decrees and documents.. four score and seven degrees ago, this man bestowed upon me the delightful dictation of climatous lamentations of leviathon proportions. wether tis he or another that should bring forth these observations of incredulous wether.

I don't mock the southerner for not withstanding the cold. For we northmen know the danger. We know the evils that the cold brings, that saps a man of his strength and a woman of her tenderness as the earth itself conspires with the heavens above to claim the souls of the innocent and the just, leaving only the devils and demons behind. I do not begrudge them their warmth and heat, for they must work to make it livable for themselves as surely as we must. And we can always put on another layer to protect ourselves, while they can not flay their skin open to escape the blistering of the summer sun. We all survive what we think we can, and by surviving spite whatever gods or devils there may be in the hereafter by our survival. And in time, with the ingenuity and tenacity of the human spirit, we will kill even these dark forces that array themselves against us. I am sorry that our hated evil has come to you Texan. But yours has scorched us in the past as well. This is the enemy we face, and we both know there is only one solution. The blessed atom. The holy uranium. The glorious fissile material. For by this we can make power cheap, efficient, and clean, to reduce the cost of mankind's victory over the elements, and render moot all attempts by heaven and hell to stop mankind's dominance over the world.

In case anyone is looking for this guy to follow...

I have spent plenty of time in the frosty snow belts of the Great Lakes, I live there presently, and I have adventured away many a day in the southern heat as a child. I retreat to the sweltering comfort of the south as often as I can. As it is, I am currently in the midst of a relocation from the northern tundra to a locale more befitting my distaste for the frigid. It is true that every man must choose for himself, but as one that has the thorough experience of both climates, for me and mine, I say give me the heat and the humidity. You are welcome to my ration of all that is snow driven and frosty.

As a Floridian…. I felt the shit out of that

On cold vs hot weather: You can always put on more clothes, but you can't take off your skin.

@Jamesma87950747 As a Yankee who was born and raised in the frozen tundra of the North, I agree with his sentiment. Any excursion below 50 degrees is an affront to all that is good in the world, and any proclamations to the contrary are pure cope.

Good Sir, I extend unto thee a most sincere invitation: come share a tall, welcoming glass of fine spirits with a fellow appreciator of the spoken word. Let that amber fire loosen the tongue & bestow upon thee a well-earned moniker of Warmth.

If this fellow cannot trace his lineage back to Confederate statesmen I'd be shocked. The shear eloquence of his speech is a wonder to behold.

I hope this man is a writer. His words should be memorialized. Texas poetry. Pure Texas poetry.

Brilliant lexiconist. Sam Clemens is smiling. Bring back this America.

lol the midwest gets just as hot as texas with just as much humidity Granted, not as many days out of the year, but Midwesterners have a much more volatile yearly cycle of weather we deal with We know exactly what 95 degrees with 70% humidity feels like Texans, however, do not really understand what an air temperature of -10 degrees with a -35 windchill feels like

I like well spoken folks.

My texan wife will get a hoot out of this. The hotter the better to her - here in Florida. @TXzachTX

45º is swimming weather, Tex. We hit 25º the other day after 7 weeks of sub-10º temperatures, and everybody was out wearing shorts and hoodies.

Me, wondering why a Texas thermometer only goes up to 120* . . . 🤔

you should hear him talk about air conditioning.

I wish we still spoke like this. It’s an art. I ran a refrigerated trailer from Washington state to Huston/San Antonio/Irvin to HEB for almost 30 years before I retired. Then I would pick up drilling goo. Deliver the goo in western North Dakota, then hike to Montana. -52, yeah, that’s cold. I’ve have been seen, on occasion, under my trailer in such cold, banging on the trailer brake drums witha 3lb sledge hammer to free them from the ice. Doing so in only my hoodie and my jeans. I have also been seen changing a torn mud flap as I roasted on the asphalt of the Petro just two exits from HEB San Antonio. Truly the devils taint. On the bright side, I survived, raised 7 children, 6 professionals and one that just doesn’t want to leave home. I’m living the good life bouncing my grandkids around in the side by side as we go feed the horses. There is salvation my friend. Found in Jesus and air conditioning, both are proven to shield you from their respective hells.

Southern cold is far different than northern cold As proof, I cite what happened when I was a teenager in college. My best friend went to a different college than I did. His roommate was from Great neck, New York. A. Jewish guy. And because he was in the Deep South, he was having a lot harder time in the summer. I met him and he was a very nice friendly guy. But he made mistake of saying, "Well, you guys got a hotter summer, I'll give you that! But when winter time comes here, you'll all be bundled up in your heavy coats and I'll still be walking around in my shirt sleeves." To which I replied, "Man, I'm not saying you don't have colder Winters up there. But we have temperatures so cold down here that folks freeze to death. So the last part of October, my friend and his roommate came home. I went to see them. Knocked on the back door, his mama asked me to come on in. I asked her if the boys were up. She said yeah they were in the den, she'd had to send them out earlier to go get some milk and coffee. I walked into the den. There sat my New York friend, feet propped on the coffee table, wrapped from head to toe in an electric blanket that was on high. You see, we'd had our first good Frost that morning. I looked at him and said, "Well, Nanook of the North! What's wrong with you?" He rolled his eyes up to me and looked at me from behind Coke bottle thick glasses. "Man, you guys got a different kind of winner down here." I asked, "What do you mean?" He said, "It's a different kind of cold! Up where I'm from, we make snowman and stuff. But we have to do it a day or so after it snows because the snow is so dry it won't stick together. But down here this cold goes all the way into your bones!" I grinned and said, "Yeah that humidity really makes a difference, doesn't it? It makes the hot hotter and the cold colder!"

I prefer trying to find 3" of my frozen willy through 5" of layers of gear to take a piss than the intense swamp ass of summer there. The sweat cooks on to ya like a salt crust. I'll take the cold any day. 2/2

As a Native Texan... I can concur this gentleman is very correct!

I toke away something profoundly different from this posting. It is crazy to think how far our English language has degraded. Just 100-150 years ago, this was normal word choice, and vocabulary depth, for the "educated" and some "uneducated" in America, for the most part. I would bet that many after Gen X, a quite a few before, do not even understand half the words this man used. That is sad to me.

He would be fun to hang with, unless he can't turn it off. Imagine being stuck behind him at Burger King? "I find myself in need of nourishment this day, and have a powerful hankering for a sandwich comprised of a minced patty of beef byproducts, with a soupçon of filler..."

Well done, sir.

Man, did the frigid weather open your 3rd-eye? Sir I had to look up a couple of the words you laid upon us 😂✌️ 4-decades of Midwest Winters have made me tolerant to all but the few Sub-Zero temp weeks we get. Tolerant, but I still do not care for it. 💯🇺🇸✊🇺🇸

Jerry Wayne Longmire

Man's got diction I would expect from somebody from the 19th century. I like it.

It's Texas the weather is trying to kill you only the Strong survive.

Total Eugene vibes but I concur, sort of.