Underneath the “nice” is lots of anger.

Someone told me once that holding back tears is like holding in poop/pee. It erodes our nervous system.

It’s actually quite accurate

The only way I went from compulsive people pleaser who had a lot of anger to having a calm and peaceful existence was directing my anger at the appropriate people. Yes I said it, getting angry at the people causing your anger. I couldn't release my anger by channeling it through crying, yoga, breath work or any sort of body work. Nope. I was rightfully angry because I was surrounded by self-involved people who never met my needs yet expected me to be their everything. I was the only one giving. I had to change and I had to confront. My issues/traumas weren't solely stored in my body and needing releasing. I had to learn how to: ~stand up for myself, ~show up in relationships with needs & expectations, ~discern a healthy person from a highly self-involved one ~invest in giving souls not takers and ~call people out when needed (the key to not having resentments pile up.) It's funny how calm I got when I confronted every cockroach in my life. I let myself be angry at others and no I didn't need to confront them with a kindness they never afforded me. I had major skill deficiencies that needed remedy. When I addressed theses issues, gained the necessary skills and confronted the right people, boom my life long anger issues resolved themselves. This is how I resolved my people pleasing & 'anger issues'.

I was never allowed to express anger at home. I'd get a violent response from my dad or a guilt-trip/disgust/angry response from my mom. Whenever anger comes up, I'd automatically suppress it. One of my cathartic releases during my healing work was anger-based. It happened as a result of an exercise from John Bradshaw's "Homecoming". Wow is all I'll say. It only lasted 2-3 minutes, but it physically changed my breathing patterns and dialed down my nervous system afterwards!

People pleasing is pain avoidance in disguise. You do it because deep down you believe you're not worthy of attention. But it's an uphill battle. Because it's nearly impossible to move people beyond beliefs about yourself. How do I know? I've been there. People pleasing my way through life. A chameleon that changed colors depending on the group I've been in. But I managed to break the spell. I manage to reclaim my self-worth. And guess what? It's never been out there. It resided deep inside of me. You can find it too. If you're ready to look.

I’m not a nice guy I’m a good guy

People pleasing is a disease like auto-immune when own defence system acts against & attacks own-self.

People pleasing is a “fawn” response, a coping strategy for people impacted by trauma.

It took SO LONG for my anger to come online. And I’m so grateful for it - anger unleashed a warrior in me so I could follow my joy and not constantly feel trampled on. Anger can be energizing if listened to - it can be what finally gets you to muster up courage and have the difficult conversations, make the difficult decisions I feel like a much more integrated version of myself with my anger 😊 the only time it becomes harmful is if I don’t ask myself “what need isn’t being met”? It becomes resentment if pushed to the side

Resentment most likely. Ignoring one’s needs for other people will do that.