Understanding the behavior of people with avoidant attachment styles: As always YOU are empowered with choosing who you allow into your life. And you are capable of setting a boundary around behaviors that are harmful or non-negotiables.

EVERYTHING good is rooted in vulnerability. Avoidants are cheating themselves out of love & connection. I was avoidant. I spent many years in therapy and studying emotions and spirituality. I can love now and accept love. Healing is worth the work.

They are selfish. They may have a good, deep-seated reason for that, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s selfish and unfair to expect one’s partner to take all the emotional risks. Vulnerability is scary for everyone.

so is the nuance here their 'inability' to understand the needs of someone else? Are truly unable, or is it that they don't prioritize it? If it's the latter, isn't that the definition of selfish? If they are unable, then how can a partner ever get their needs met?

This makes a lot of sense.

Thank you for watching 🙏

This has been me my whole life until a few years ago when I finally understood why. I'm still avoidant sometimes, but now I recognize it and try to work through it instead of just giving into it. So much freedom!

My last 2 parters were avoidants (didn't know this initially). Healthy needs for interdependence and connection are overwhelming to them. The relationship was all about their anxieties & fears. I've never been so lonely & my needs were unmet. Won't date an avoidant again.

I agree with a lot of this. I identify as Avoidant. I embody a lot of these characteristics. Im extremely vulnerable though. And I understand other people’s needs, I usually end up in partnerships with other people whose needs require an exorbitant amount of attention from me and I get overwhelmed. From what I’m gathering, I attract women who display a lot of BPD characteristics which makes me think that my Avoidance is on some narcissism spectrum. Either way, because I know I have a tendency to Avoidant, I work hard to not be. But I still have a long way to go. Thanks for sharing this.

AAs need to go work on themselves in private and leave people alone!

I don’t understand. Why do you believe that people with avoidant attachment styles have an inability to understand the needs of others? I don’t believe that, but want to understand why you would think that.

Yes. Most of us struggle to understand the needs of ourselves, let alone others. I’m still working on this.