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ET Heisenberg

@UtdHeisenberg_ • 9,447 subscribers

Social media influenza. Satire. Nostalgia. Non-Sequitors. Consultant that hates advising. Traveller who hates packing. DISContent creator.

Shorts

Tonight: Man United vs Sabah, Champions League. 30+ years I’ve been waiting to use this track on Football Twitter. Finally. 😂

Tonight: Man United vs Sabah, Champions League. 30+ years I’ve been waiting to use this track on Football Twitter. Finally. 😂

279,673 Aufrufe

Journalists camped outside Paul Gascoigne's house in the 90s took a Mitre football to keep themselves entertained... Gazza sent it on a European tour via the local river! 'Ave It ⚽🚀💦

Journalists camped outside Paul Gascoigne's house in the 90s took a Mitre football to keep themselves entertained... Gazza sent it on a European tour via the local river! 'Ave It ⚽🚀💦

1,554,311 Aufrufe

Some serious tears regarding the Crystal Palace red card and penalty at Old Trafford... funny and weird because I don't remember the same energy when Casemiro got sent off for giving Will Hughes a cuddle 🧸

Some serious tears regarding the Crystal Palace red card and penalty at Old Trafford... funny and weird because I don't remember the same energy when Casemiro got sent off for giving Will Hughes a cuddle 🧸

632,100 Aufrufe

Liam Gallagher speaking for every City supporter: "For me, I look at United scores before City’s. If they get beat, I’m fucking arsed. Tell me later what the City score is, how many goals City won by. As long as United are fucked man, I’m happy. I know it’s wrong & it’s bitter & all that, & it’s stupid, & I must grow up & all that… but they ruined my fucking life in the 90s.”

Liam Gallagher speaking for every City supporter: "For me, I look at United scores before City’s. If they get beat, I’m fucking arsed. Tell me later what the City score is, how many goals City won by. As long as United are fucked man, I’m happy. I know it’s wrong & it’s bitter & all that, & it’s stupid, & I must grow up & all that… but they ruined my fucking life in the 90s.”

767,200 Aufrufe

Nicky Butt getting absolutely rattled by 5’6” Dennis Wise - who’s a full 3″ shorter than Lisandro Martínez - and seeing red. Maybe that’s why he hates short arses? 😉🤣

Nicky Butt getting absolutely rattled by 5’6” Dennis Wise - who’s a full 3″ shorter than Lisandro Martínez - and seeing red. Maybe that’s why he hates short arses? 😉🤣

507,665 Aufrufe

One of my top 10 Roy Keane clips 😂 Two-footed stamp on the ankle… he treated it like a massage & carried on. Built different 💪🏽

One of my top 10 Roy Keane clips 😂 Two-footed stamp on the ankle… he treated it like a massage & carried on. Built different 💪🏽

111,465 Aufrufe

Turns out that 96th minute equaliser from Big Ben Sesko ended up costing West Ham two massive points… and it’s proved decisive in the end. Very glad I didn’t leave the ground early and got to witness an absolute screamer too 😎 Bye Bye London Stadium 👋🏼

Turns out that 96th minute equaliser from Big Ben Sesko ended up costing West Ham two massive points… and it’s proved decisive in the end. Very glad I didn’t leave the ground early and got to witness an absolute screamer too 😎 Bye Bye London Stadium 👋🏼

178,194 Aufrufe

Wayne and Kai Rooney watching another Virgil Van Dijk disasterclass for the Nth time this season! 🤣🤣

Wayne and Kai Rooney watching another Virgil Van Dijk disasterclass for the Nth time this season! 🤣🤣

343,624 Aufrufe

The main reason I'd rather Spurs get relegated than West Ham...

The main reason I'd rather Spurs get relegated than West Ham...

105,384 Aufrufe

Ruben Amorim watching Michael Carrick's Man United wipe the floor with Man City...

Ruben Amorim watching Michael Carrick's Man United wipe the floor with Man City...

124,419 Aufrufe

Duncan Edwards scoring for England

Duncan Edwards scoring for England

78,277 Aufrufe

Real Betis Balompié 🌴💚 My toothbrush thinks he's Antony

Real Betis Balompié 🌴💚 My toothbrush thinks he's Antony

169,344 Aufrufe

My lasting memories of Lindelof are: a) his attempt of a headed clearance away at Huddersfield 🤡 b) getting roasted by Bruno for gifting Sevilla their winner in the Europa League SF - & then giving some back! 😂 In hindsight United should've sold him years ago; instead he leaves for nothing. Typical 🤦🏽

My lasting memories of Lindelof are: a) his attempt of a headed clearance away at Huddersfield 🤡 b) getting roasted by Bruno for gifting Sevilla their winner in the Europa League SF - & then giving some back! 😂 In hindsight United should've sold him years ago; instead he leaves for nothing. Typical 🤦🏽

115,528 Aufrufe

Good morning ☕🙈😂

Good morning ☕🙈😂

35,914 Aufrufe

Videos

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The Ruud van Nistelrooy special. Summer 2000: Man United are ready to smash the British transfer record with £18.5m for the PSV striker. Cue training ground ACL rupture. Deal collapses, full year out. Fergie’s response? Come back next summer and pay £19m for a player who’d barely kicked a ball. Proper footballing logic. He went on to become a Utd legend. So no, Manuel Ugarte’s knee injury doesn’t magically make him unsellable in a year. Relax. #MUFC

The Ruud van Nistelrooy special. Summer 2000: Man United are ready to smash the British transfer record with £18.5m for the PSV striker. Cue training ground ACL rupture. Deal collapses, full year out. Fergie’s response? Come back next summer and pay £19m for a player who’d barely kicked a ball. Proper footballing logic. He went on to become a Utd legend. So no, Manuel Ugarte’s knee injury doesn’t magically make him unsellable in a year. Relax. #MUFC

2,830,897 Aufrufe • vor 2 Monaten

The moment it happened - literally the day after a Sky Sports reporter called the failed medical “embarrassing for Manchester United.” You can literally hear the pop and the scream. Non-contact, landed awkwardly going for a header. Full ACL gone. Yet Fergie still paid more the next year. Proper old-school faith. #MUFC

The moment it happened - literally the day after a Sky Sports reporter called the failed medical “embarrassing for Manchester United.” You can literally hear the pop and the scream. Non-contact, landed awkwardly going for a header. Full ACL gone. Yet Fergie still paid more the next year. Proper old-school faith. #MUFC

2,414,365 Aufrufe • vor 2 Monaten

If Jim Ratcliffe was a footballer...

If Jim Ratcliffe was a footballer...

4,700,865 Aufrufe • vor 7 Monaten

Irwin tucked in. Keane on the left. Giggs in midfield. Scholes on the right. Cantona in his own half. Total Football. 🇾🇪

Irwin tucked in. Keane on the left. Giggs in midfield. Scholes on the right. Cantona in his own half. Total Football. 🇾🇪

106,862 Aufrufe • vor 11 Tagen

Michael Carrick's World Cup record: 🏆 1 appearance 🏆 1 win 🏆 1 Man of the Match Then England went back to squeezing Gerrard and Lampard into the same midfield and wondering why it never worked.

Michael Carrick's World Cup record: 🏆 1 appearance 🏆 1 win 🏆 1 Man of the Match Then England went back to squeezing Gerrard and Lampard into the same midfield and wondering why it never worked.

978,130 Aufrufe • vor 3 Monaten

Sometimes when I need a laugh I dig out this clip of Fabian Delph educating Pep Guardiola! Leroy Sane, Vincent Kompany & Fernandinho were considering handing in a transfer request after this drivel! #Baehsics

Sometimes when I need a laugh I dig out this clip of Fabian Delph educating Pep Guardiola! Leroy Sane, Vincent Kompany & Fernandinho were considering handing in a transfer request after this drivel! #Baehsics

1,595,267 Aufrufe • vor 9 Monaten

John Terry as you've never seen him before - Wholesome 🥰

John Terry as you've never seen him before - Wholesome 🥰

967,566 Aufrufe • vor 7 Monaten

Amorim used to wave his arms around just like Bruno does 😉😂

Amorim used to wave his arms around just like Bruno does 😉😂

795,346 Aufrufe • vor 8 Monaten

Kevin Campbell talking about when he first played with Wayne Rooney for the Everton reserve team. RIP Kevin, what a character ❤️ (Part 1) 🎥 via UndrTheCosh Wayne Rooney

Kevin Campbell talking about when he first played with Wayne Rooney for the Everton reserve team. RIP Kevin, what a character ❤️ (Part 1) 🎥 via UndrTheCosh Wayne Rooney

2,320,054 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

More shots on target in 3 seconds than Arsenal managed in 126 minutes against PSG 😂😂

More shots on target in 3 seconds than Arsenal managed in 126 minutes against PSG 😂😂

290,865 Aufrufe • vor 3 Monaten

North London Forever is one of the worst things I've ever heard - and hearing Anne Hathaway sing it can give you AIDS of the ears...

North London Forever is one of the worst things I've ever heard - and hearing Anne Hathaway sing it can give you AIDS of the ears...

383,311 Aufrufe • vor 5 Monaten

Brendan Gleeson to play Sir Alex Ferguson and Colin Farrell to play Roy Keane 😉😂

Brendan Gleeson to play Sir Alex Ferguson and Colin Farrell to play Roy Keane 😉😂

568,928 Aufrufe • vor 7 Monaten

Darwin Nunez penalty miss from a #LFC fan perspective 🤬💥🤬🌋🤬 #LIVPSG

Darwin Nunez penalty miss from a #LFC fan perspective 🤬💥🤬🌋🤬 #LIVPSG

1,194,881 Aufrufe • vor 1 Jahr

Gareth Southgate speaks: "Kyle Walker.... If he wasn't fast he'd be working at McDonald's. Jay Slater has been dominating the headlines but I'm more concerned about Phil Foden - he's been missing for 4 weeks. I'm genuinely really worried. If you're listening Phil, please come home." Glorious 😆😆😆

Gareth Southgate speaks: "Kyle Walker.... If he wasn't fast he'd be working at McDonald's. Jay Slater has been dominating the headlines but I'm more concerned about Phil Foden - he's been missing for 4 weeks. I'm genuinely really worried. If you're listening Phil, please come home." Glorious 😆😆😆

1,312,325 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

Monday 4am in Mexico: England supporters after discovering tequila costs less than bottled water: 🍹 Pelé: “Oh dear… it’s the English” Ronaldo (R9) : “Who?”

Monday 4am in Mexico: England supporters after discovering tequila costs less than bottled water: 🍹 Pelé: “Oh dear… it’s the English” Ronaldo (R9) : “Who?”

135,124 Aufrufe • vor 2 Monaten

1993, Rotterdam. Netherlands vs England in a decisive 1994 World Cup qualifier. Koeman last-man foul: clear denial of a goalscoring opportunity, should’ve been off. He stays on, scores a free-kick… and England miss USA 94. That’s why I never liked Ronald Koeman.

1993, Rotterdam. Netherlands vs England in a decisive 1994 World Cup qualifier. Koeman last-man foul: clear denial of a goalscoring opportunity, should’ve been off. He stays on, scores a free-kick… and England miss USA 94. That’s why I never liked Ronald Koeman.

146,123 Aufrufe • vor 2 Monaten

Rewatched the match. Felt this Triple Sub was the turning point. Then Dorgu subbed for Dalot(?!) - Sesko got injured a few minutes later. The coaching has improved over the last few weeks but Amorim showed his inexperience here. Hopefully he learns from this as all 3 points were in the bag for United against a Spurs side who are one of the worst home teams in the league.

Rewatched the match. Felt this Triple Sub was the turning point. Then Dorgu subbed for Dalot(?!) - Sesko got injured a few minutes later. The coaching has improved over the last few weeks but Amorim showed his inexperience here. Hopefully he learns from this as all 3 points were in the bag for United against a Spurs side who are one of the worst home teams in the league.

455,912 Aufrufe • vor 10 Monaten

Frank Lampard summing up the Jurgen Klopp Legacy in one sentence: "The only (PL) title you've ever won & you're fucking giving it the big'un... Fuck Off!" Covid Football definitely had some positives 🤣 #MUFC #CFC #LFC

Frank Lampard summing up the Jurgen Klopp Legacy in one sentence: "The only (PL) title you've ever won & you're fucking giving it the big'un... Fuck Off!" Covid Football definitely had some positives 🤣 #MUFC #CFC #LFC

1,143,188 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

Ruud van Nistelrooy next level shithousery for Netherlands against Andorra 😂

Ruud van Nistelrooy next level shithousery for Netherlands against Andorra 😂

598,459 Aufrufe • vor 1 Jahr