ET Heisenberg's banner
ET Heisenberg's profile picture

ET Heisenberg

@UtdHeisenberg_ • 9,205 subscribers

Social media influenza. Satire. Nostalgia. Non-Sequitors. Consultant that hates advising. Traveller who hates packing. DISContent creator.

Shorts

Turns out that 96th minute equaliser from Big Ben Sesko ended up costing West Ham two massive points… and it’s proved decisive in the end. Very glad I didn’t leave the ground early and got to witness an absolute screamer too 😎 Bye Bye London Stadium 👋🏼

Turns out that 96th minute equaliser from Big Ben Sesko ended up costing West Ham two massive points… and it’s proved decisive in the end. Very glad I didn’t leave the ground early and got to witness an absolute screamer too 😎 Bye Bye London Stadium 👋🏼

177,801 views

Journalists camped outside Paul Gascoigne's house in the 90s took a Mitre football to keep themselves entertained... Gazza sent it on a European tour via the local river! 'Ave It ⚽🚀💦

Journalists camped outside Paul Gascoigne's house in the 90s took a Mitre football to keep themselves entertained... Gazza sent it on a European tour via the local river! 'Ave It ⚽🚀💦

1,554,014 views

Some serious tears regarding the Crystal Palace red card and penalty at Old Trafford... funny and weird because I don't remember the same energy when Casemiro got sent off for giving Will Hughes a cuddle 🧸

Some serious tears regarding the Crystal Palace red card and penalty at Old Trafford... funny and weird because I don't remember the same energy when Casemiro got sent off for giving Will Hughes a cuddle 🧸

631,493 views

Liam Gallagher speaking for every City supporter: "For me, I look at United scores before City’s. If they get beat, I’m fucking arsed. Tell me later what the City score is, how many goals City won by. As long as United are fucked man, I’m happy. I know it’s wrong & it’s bitter & all that, & it’s stupid, & I must grow up & all that… but they ruined my fucking life in the 90s.”

Liam Gallagher speaking for every City supporter: "For me, I look at United scores before City’s. If they get beat, I’m fucking arsed. Tell me later what the City score is, how many goals City won by. As long as United are fucked man, I’m happy. I know it’s wrong & it’s bitter & all that, & it’s stupid, & I must grow up & all that… but they ruined my fucking life in the 90s.”

767,023 views

The main reason I'd rather Spurs get relegated than West Ham...

The main reason I'd rather Spurs get relegated than West Ham...

105,268 views

Nicky Butt getting absolutely rattled by 5’6” Dennis Wise - who’s a full 3″ shorter than Lisandro Martínez - and seeing red. Maybe that’s why he hates short arses? 😉🤣

Nicky Butt getting absolutely rattled by 5’6” Dennis Wise - who’s a full 3″ shorter than Lisandro Martínez - and seeing red. Maybe that’s why he hates short arses? 😉🤣

507,665 views

1998: David Beckham's girlfriend (now wife) is at Stamford Bridge so Chelsea fans chant, "Does she (Posh Spice) take it up arse?!" Becks shuts them up the best way possible ⚽🧏‍♂️🤫😂

1998: David Beckham's girlfriend (now wife) is at Stamford Bridge so Chelsea fans chant, "Does she (Posh Spice) take it up arse?!" Becks shuts them up the best way possible ⚽🧏‍♂️🤫😂

588,608 views

Ruben Amorim literally kicking Andre Onana's ass feels symbolic #MUFC

Ruben Amorim literally kicking Andre Onana's ass feels symbolic #MUFC

611,283 views

"Andre Onana's pride and joy is his Porsche Cayenne & #MUFC analysts believe they can improve his performances by parking the car in his goal during matches. The Premier League is considering the request. Meanwhile Luke Shaw has volunteered to drive the car across the pitch into the other goal at halftime because he wants to be as useful as possible to Ruben Amorim." Samuel Luckhurst

"Andre Onana's pride and joy is his Porsche Cayenne & #MUFC analysts believe they can improve his performances by parking the car in his goal during matches. The Premier League is considering the request. Meanwhile Luke Shaw has volunteered to drive the car across the pitch into the other goal at halftime because he wants to be as useful as possible to Ruben Amorim." Samuel Luckhurst

779,616 views

Wayne and Kai Rooney watching another Virgil Van Dijk disasterclass for the Nth time this season! 🤣🤣

Wayne and Kai Rooney watching another Virgil Van Dijk disasterclass for the Nth time this season! 🤣🤣

343,522 views

A modern footballer doing this today would break the internet in seconds. Gazza was absolutely unhinged 😭

A modern footballer doing this today would break the internet in seconds. Gazza was absolutely unhinged 😭

295,378 views

This was Diogo Dalot's third mistake inside 8 minutes. Honestly if you put his brain inside a racing pigeon it'd take the bus back.

This was Diogo Dalot's third mistake inside 8 minutes. Honestly if you put his brain inside a racing pigeon it'd take the bus back.

302,823 views

Ruben Amorim watching Michael Carrick's Man United wipe the floor with Man City...

Ruben Amorim watching Michael Carrick's Man United wipe the floor with Man City...

123,362 views

Duncan Edwards scoring for England

Duncan Edwards scoring for England

78,277 views

Real Betis Balompié 🌴💚 My toothbrush thinks he's Antony

Real Betis Balompié 🌴💚 My toothbrush thinks he's Antony

169,344 views

My lasting memories of Lindelof are: a) his attempt of a headed clearance away at Huddersfield 🤡 b) getting roasted by Bruno for gifting Sevilla their winner in the Europa League SF - & then giving some back! 😂 In hindsight United should've sold him years ago; instead he leaves for nothing. Typical 🤦🏽

My lasting memories of Lindelof are: a) his attempt of a headed clearance away at Huddersfield 🤡 b) getting roasted by Bruno for gifting Sevilla their winner in the Europa League SF - & then giving some back! 😂 In hindsight United should've sold him years ago; instead he leaves for nothing. Typical 🤦🏽

114,509 views

Good morning ☕🙈😂

Good morning ☕🙈😂

35,914 views

Videos

LIVE
1.2k

Anya Rossi

sweetdream.ai

SweetDream.aiSponsored•Livecam
Streaming Now

Watch Anya Live

Anya is streaming live right now! Join her private show and enjoy exclusive content.

HD live stream
Exclusive private shows
1.2k viewers online

Free preview available • Premium content

More shots on target in 3 seconds than Arsenal managed in 126 minutes against PSG 😂😂
0:24
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

More shots on target in 3 seconds than Arsenal managed in 126 minutes against PSG 😂😂

ET Heisenberg

290,299 views • 5 days ago

If Jim Ratcliffe was a footballer...
0:30
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

If Jim Ratcliffe was a footballer...

ET Heisenberg

4,699,144 views • 3 months ago

Sometimes when I need a laugh I dig out this clip of Fabian Delph educating Pep Guardiola! Leroy Sane, Vincent Kompany & Fernandinho were considering handing in a transfer request after this drivel! #Baehsics
0:26
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

Sometimes when I need a laugh I dig out this clip of Fabian Delph educating Pep Guardiola! Leroy Sane, Vincent Kompany & Fernandinho were considering handing in a transfer request after this drivel! #Baehsics

ET Heisenberg

1,595,267 views • 6 months ago

Throwback to Cristiano Ronaldo's first career red card nearly 20 years ago... A late tackle on United legend Andy Cole who was playing for City at the time!
1:17
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

Throwback to Cristiano Ronaldo's first career red card nearly 20 years ago... A late tackle on United legend Andy Cole who was playing for City at the time!

ET Heisenberg

1,560,336 views • 6 months ago

North London Forever is one of the worst things I've ever heard - and hearing Anne Hathaway sing it can give you AIDS of the ears...
0:49
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

North London Forever is one of the worst things I've ever heard - and hearing Anne Hathaway sing it can give you AIDS of the ears...

ET Heisenberg

382,792 views • 1 month ago

John Terry as you've never seen him before - Wholesome 🥰
1:00
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

John Terry as you've never seen him before - Wholesome 🥰

ET Heisenberg

966,372 views • 4 months ago

Amorim used to wave his arms around just like Bruno does 😉😂
0:23
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

Amorim used to wave his arms around just like Bruno does 😉😂

ET Heisenberg

795,346 views • 5 months ago

Brendan Gleeson to play Sir Alex Ferguson and Colin Farrell to play Roy Keane 😉😂
1:59
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

Brendan Gleeson to play Sir Alex Ferguson and Colin Farrell to play Roy Keane 😉😂

ET Heisenberg

568,367 views • 4 months ago

Kevin Campbell talking about when he first played with Wayne Rooney for the Everton reserve team. RIP Kevin, what a character ❤️ (Part 1) 🎥 via UndrTheCosh Wayne Rooney
1:59
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

Kevin Campbell talking about when he first played with Wayne Rooney for the Everton reserve team. RIP Kevin, what a character ❤️ (Part 1) 🎥 via UndrTheCosh Wayne Rooney

ET Heisenberg

2,318,163 views • 1 year ago

Darwin Nunez penalty miss from a #LFC fan perspective 🤬💥🤬🌋🤬 #LIVPSG
0:33
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

Darwin Nunez penalty miss from a #LFC fan perspective 🤬💥🤬🌋🤬 #LIVPSG

ET Heisenberg

1,194,752 views • 1 year ago

Rewatched the match. Felt this Triple Sub was the turning point. Then Dorgu subbed for Dalot(?!) - Sesko got injured a few minutes later. The coaching has improved over the last few weeks but Amorim showed his inexperience here. Hopefully he learns from this as all 3 points were in the bag for United against a Spurs side who are one of the worst home teams in the league.
0:30
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

Rewatched the match. Felt this Triple Sub was the turning point. Then Dorgu subbed for Dalot(?!) - Sesko got injured a few minutes later. The coaching has improved over the last few weeks but Amorim showed his inexperience here. Hopefully he learns from this as all 3 points were in the bag for United against a Spurs side who are one of the worst home teams in the league.

ET Heisenberg

455,882 views • 6 months ago

Gareth Southgate speaks: "Kyle Walker.... If he wasn't fast he'd be working at McDonald's. Jay Slater has been dominating the headlines but I'm more concerned about Phil Foden - he's been missing for 4 weeks. I'm genuinely really worried. If you're listening Phil, please come home." Glorious 😆😆😆
0:42
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

Gareth Southgate speaks: "Kyle Walker.... If he wasn't fast he'd be working at McDonald's. Jay Slater has been dominating the headlines but I'm more concerned about Phil Foden - he's been missing for 4 weeks. I'm genuinely really worried. If you're listening Phil, please come home." Glorious 😆😆😆

ET Heisenberg

1,311,836 views • 1 year ago

Ruud van Nistelrooy next level shithousery for Netherlands against Andorra 😂
0:38
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

Ruud van Nistelrooy next level shithousery for Netherlands against Andorra 😂

ET Heisenberg

597,799 views • 1 year ago

Frank Lampard summing up the Jurgen Klopp Legacy in one sentence: "The only (PL) title you've ever won & you're fucking giving it the big'un... Fuck Off!" Covid Football definitely had some positives 🤣 #MUFC #CFC #LFC
0:25
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

Frank Lampard summing up the Jurgen Klopp Legacy in one sentence: "The only (PL) title you've ever won & you're fucking giving it the big'un... Fuck Off!" Covid Football definitely had some positives 🤣 #MUFC #CFC #LFC

ET Heisenberg

1,143,089 views • 2 years ago

Say what you want about Roy Keane as a pundit, but as a player he didn't care if you were Eric Cantona or a fringe player - Standards were Standards!
0:29
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

Say what you want about Roy Keane as a pundit, but as a player he didn't care if you were Eric Cantona or a fringe player - Standards were Standards!

ET Heisenberg

123,213 views • 2 months ago

Eric Cantona giving it back to the hostile Leeds scum at Elland Road 👑 #LEEMUN
0:22
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

Eric Cantona giving it back to the hostile Leeds scum at Elland Road 👑 #LEEMUN

ET Heisenberg

174,924 views • 5 months ago

You know the referee and VAR have had a nightmare when a Liverpool legend says "Manchester United were robbed!" ESPN FC PGMO
0:43
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

You know the referee and VAR have had a nightmare when a Liverpool legend says "Manchester United were robbed!" ESPN FC PGMO

ET Heisenberg

89,556 views • 2 months ago

Danny Murphy on MOTD summing up Manchester United under Michael Carrick 🤣
0:24
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

Danny Murphy on MOTD summing up Manchester United under Michael Carrick 🤣

ET Heisenberg

130,655 views • 3 months ago

21 years ago today Eric Cantona kicked a racist during a match... Here is an apology 😎❤️
0:47
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

21 years ago today Eric Cantona kicked a racist during a match... Here is an apology 😎❤️

ET Heisenberg

142,476 views • 4 months ago

A short story about Sir Alex Ferguson; a goalkeeper who won eight trophies with him; loyalty and ruthlessness. Parallels with Andre Onana's current situation at #MUFC. What should Ruben Amorim do?
5:05
UtdHeisenberg_'s profile picture

A short story about Sir Alex Ferguson; a goalkeeper who won eight trophies with him; loyalty and ruthlessness. Parallels with Andre Onana's current situation at #MUFC. What should Ruben Amorim do?

ET Heisenberg

347,897 views • 1 year ago