Jim Breuer

@JimBreuer • 254,286 subscribers

Comedian | SNL Alum | Podcaster | Family Man

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Jim Breuer

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The brighter you shine, the harder the darkness comes for you. That's how you know you're doing something right.

What’s the secret in Salt Lake City? Because everybody there knows something and nobody’s talking.

Aluminum in a baby. And if you ask why, you're the crazy one.

God already knows your intentions. He's got it. You don't have to carry it all yourself.

The whole building turned to dust and somehow the passport made it.

The more they get us fighting each other, the less we notice who’s actually pulling the strings.

Europe shuts down at noon for lunch and a nap. Meanwhile we eat a sandwich at our desk

If your leader promotes bombing and killing, he's not your savior. He's the problem.

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Sam Kinison was dying on the side of the road talking to someone nobody else could see. He said okay, and then he was gone. Who was he talking to?

You can say anything about any country on Earth except one. That should tell you everything about who's really in control.

There is no government. It's a private club in a government costume and we're arguing over who gets to hold the mic.

Steel buildings that melt perfectly, planes that vanish, and a passport that survives it all. And I'm the crazy one for asking questions.

They didn't sneak the Trojan horse in. They put it on TV for 20 years and we rolled it inside ourselves.

He said free Palestine, not a single hateful word, and they cancelled him. That's all you need to know about who controls the conversation.

Revenge made everything worse. The second I handed it to God and let it go, everything healed on its own.

How does every major city in America just happen to burn down in the 1800s?

They posted it in plain sight, deleted it, and nobody held them accountable. That should bother you.

All these people in power doing the same hand signs and we're supposed to think it's a coincidence.

It’s never about freedom. It’s never about peace. Follow the rebuilding contracts and you’ll find the real reason they dropped the bombs.

Pay attention to what he's saying, not what they're saying about him.

Everybody wants to point at the puppet but nobody asks who was pulling the strings and writing the checks.

When you take the emotion out of it and just watch, things start looking a lot different.

They showed you the files. You saw what they do to kids. And you still call them leaders.

It's professional wrestling. Two teams, same script, and somehow everybody's still picking a side.

The most powerful military on Earth took a nap for an hour while planes flew into buildings. And I'm crazy for asking questions.

Same gas prices, no stickers. Funny how the outrage only works in one direction.

Every election is the most important one in history. Every time they really mean it. Every time they’re lying.

Messi plays like a guy who knows he's never getting a red card. And he's right.