Lloyd Legalist

@LloydLegalist • 88,337 subscribers

Pastor of the world’s slowest growing church.

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Lloyd Legalist

Shorts

Me trying to sleep. The mosquito in my room:

First cop is chasing. Second cop is hunting.

He is The World’s Most Unlucky Photographer.

When everything flips and you realize the danger is right beside you.

When life spikes a lesson at your head and you say, “Okay, lesson learned,” and life says, “But did you REALLY learn the lesson? Let’s make sure.” Whack.

For all you Dads out there…stay strong.

When you’re not interested in really spraying a cleaning substance but want folks in the other room to hear you hard at work.

Shout out to all my second child in the family folks out there.

A moment of silence for Coco, folks. #RIPCoco

This just breaks my heart, but what else is he supposed to do?

I convince my friend to give church one more try, and he gets greeted by a sea of puppets singing children’s songs like a cult with a craft budget.

PTO gone for the year? Never fear. It’s hero time.

The older I get, the more this makes sense.

Okay, so on behalf of my generation - which it seems she’s a part of - I offer my sincerest of apologies.

Bad photobomb timing.

Word Cup fans returning home from the United States. #WorldCup

Choose joy.

Don’t get me wrong, Gene Wilder was the perfect choice for Willy Wonka, but you can’t deny you’d love to see it remade with Arnold in his prime.

Yeah kids…this was a thing. #70s #80s

Dude’s gonna be 90 still testifying about this moment, while the grandkids lip‑sync the ending: “that’s the day I knew the Lord wasn’t done with me yet.”

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These are ingenious, fellas. They work every time.

Took mom out for a Mother’s Day boat ride. Funeral services will be held at 2:00 PM this Thursday. The family will receive friends from 12:30 PM-2:00 PM, prior to the service.

More examples of why today’s NBA is unwatchable. #NBA

A day in the life of Trump, 2024. #Trump

Sometimes Papa’s old jungle instincts from Nam kick in, and we all get caught in the crossfire.

At least evangelical churches don’t copy cat each other.

Another example of why I can’t watch today’s NBA. #NBA

Hey Kids, this is what 1972 sounded like — voices locked in harmony, no tricks, no tuning…just three guys using nothing but their actual voices. Wild, I know. #America #VenturaHighway

Exhibit #742 of why I stopped watching the NBA.

This is an example of setting a joke up perfectly.

Petting most dogs often creates an exchange in oxytocin. Petting a chihuahua often creates an experience of exorcising a demon named Legion.

Quite possibly the greatest commercial I’ve ever seen. #commercials

When it comes to cleverly dark humor, the Brits are the best.

One of the reasons God refers to us as sheep.

Serenity now.

No matter how high your spirits are, grapefruit will bring them crashing down.

Yep…this is all I hear.

Shake ’n Bake meant to simplify dinner in 1968, but what stuck was a wildly fake Southern accent. We Southerners mocked it…you know, kind of like how the French mock anyone who isn’t French trying to speak their language.

Little league just isn’t the same these days, is it?

I’m not crying…you’re crying.