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Sally Urwin

@PintSizedFarmer • 23,628 subscribers

I’m Sally Urwin - a very short farmer's wife from Northumberland. Author of A Farmer's Diary and What the Flock - available from all good bookshops!

Shorts

11am: Neep is on his coffee break. He's staring at his locked gate. He knows that a garden of unearthly and sensual delights awaits beyond. Involving the postman, bedding plants and possibly custard creams. At 12pm Neep discovers that the front gate has a new layer of security; a loop of baler twine. Neep will have to evolve hands to escape. At 1pm Neep remembers he has teeth. He sets to work. 2pm: Neep has finally ground through the twine. His boyfriend Broccoli is watching him in confusion. Neep scoffs. Broccoli doesn't have the extra brain cell that Neep has. Or the bravery. Or immense beauty. 2.05pm: There's a sudden shout from outside my window. "Arghfuckoffyoumassiveweirdsheep!" Neep is harassing the post man. And most shamefully grinding on his Royal Mail issued shorts. 2.10pm: Neep is shoved back in his field, chewing happily on a stolen bedding plant. After a lap of honour, watched by his adoring Broccoli, he starts reinspecting the front gate. Neep chews thoughtfully on a brand new gate chain. He's not sure where it came from. Broccoli is no help. 3pm: I'm on the phone hysterically apologising to the post office. Neep doesn't care. He starts to plan his next escape. This time he's going to bring his boyfriend Broccoli. Postmen's knees and custard creams await.

50,626 Aufrufe

Neep loves boys. He also has no balls, boundaries or concept of personal space. Postman in shorts appeared, was given a digestive biccy, Neep got overexcited, burst through fence like a floof missile and postie was flattened under 200 pounds of happy panting sheep. Zero regrets.

Neep loves boys. He also has no balls, boundaries or concept of personal space. Postman in shorts appeared, was given a digestive biccy, Neep got overexcited, burst through fence like a floof missile and postie was flattened under 200 pounds of happy panting sheep. Zero regrets.

63,853 Aufrufe

Sock the lamb has Big Opinions and his ideal day involves: Midnight yelling because he wants to get on our bed. Harassing the cat. Trying to head butt the cat. Getting zoomies around the cat who by this point is shouting "what the actual fuck?!" Why are we now living with a deranged woolly muppet?" from the top of the bedroom curtains. Playing with his bottle teat so it explodes and soaks his face, the duvet and me with tepid milk Being thoroughly licked clean by foster mum Sizzle the dog Intent focus on munching through some important paperwork he's found on the coffee table. Constant peeing. Everywhere. Normal nappies don't work as he has boy sheep anatomy. Unhinged screaming during an important Teams meeting as he wants to be picked up and cuddled. Suddenly falling asleep (with his eyes open) so it looks like he's died and I have a heart attack... More to follow...

Sock the lamb has Big Opinions and his ideal day involves: Midnight yelling because he wants to get on our bed. Harassing the cat. Trying to head butt the cat. Getting zoomies around the cat who by this point is shouting "what the actual fuck?!" Why are we now living with a deranged woolly muppet?" from the top of the bedroom curtains. Playing with his bottle teat so it explodes and soaks his face, the duvet and me with tepid milk Being thoroughly licked clean by foster mum Sizzle the dog Intent focus on munching through some important paperwork he's found on the coffee table. Constant peeing. Everywhere. Normal nappies don't work as he has boy sheep anatomy. Unhinged screaming during an important Teams meeting as he wants to be picked up and cuddled. Suddenly falling asleep (with his eyes open) so it looks like he's died and I have a heart attack... More to follow...

26,409 Aufrufe

Sock has grown approximately 0.001%, so he’s officially graduated from a sock jumper to a sock vest. Sock has guzzled his evening bottle of milk and is currently sloshing his way around the kitchen, followed by his besotted foster mum Sizzle the dog.

Sock has grown approximately 0.001%, so he’s officially graduated from a sock jumper to a sock vest. Sock has guzzled his evening bottle of milk and is currently sloshing his way around the kitchen, followed by his besotted foster mum Sizzle the dog.

23,835 Aufrufe

Can't stop doom scrolling? Check out our new lamb Daffodil and her tiny fuzzy head - relaxation guaranteed. Her mum is called Raisin. (Turnip still hasn't lambed but is now the size and shape of a dining table)

Can't stop doom scrolling? Check out our new lamb Daffodil and her tiny fuzzy head - relaxation guaranteed. Her mum is called Raisin. (Turnip still hasn't lambed but is now the size and shape of a dining table)

21,169 Aufrufe

Barbara the Blind sheep is (accidentally) in lamb to Thrusty Clappernuts. The problem is the first time Babs had a lamb she got a scare when it dropped out her bottom, then jumped the sheep pens, sat on me in panic and buggered off. I then had to feed the titchy scrap for WEEKS

Barbara the Blind sheep is (accidentally) in lamb to Thrusty Clappernuts. The problem is the first time Babs had a lamb she got a scare when it dropped out her bottom, then jumped the sheep pens, sat on me in panic and buggered off. I then had to feed the titchy scrap for WEEKS

85,764 Aufrufe

When Neep isn't planning his escape plans, he's practising his #heatedrivalry pole dancing in front of boyfriend Broccoli. (Check out how unimpressed Thrusty Clappernut's is in the background)

When Neep isn't planning his escape plans, he's practising his #heatedrivalry pole dancing in front of boyfriend Broccoli. (Check out how unimpressed Thrusty Clappernut's is in the background)

11,017 Aufrufe

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Neep the Sheep, son of Turnip and owner of a teaspoon-sized brain, is now under maximum security in the glamping paddock. On Friday I put a new extra thick chain on his gate. Neep spent two full days staring at it, thinking very hard. By day three he decided subtlety was for cowards, charged the hedge, blasted a Neep-shaped hole and gallumphed down the road in triumph. Wilbur and Thrusty Clappernuts followed. (Thrusty, an elderly gentleman got tired halfway through the jailbreak celebrations and fell asleep in the middle of the road. On a blind corner.) I tracked them by following a trail of mud and sheep poo, found Thrusty impersonating a traffic bollard, Wilbur standing guard in the ditch, and Neep casually eating someone’s bedding plants. So now they’re in the glamping paddock, which has high stone walls, an outdoor library, tents and children’s toys. We are hoping this will keep Neep’s ADHD brain busy while we remortgage ourselves to re-fence the farm.

Neep the Sheep, son of Turnip and owner of a teaspoon-sized brain, is now under maximum security in the glamping paddock. On Friday I put a new extra thick chain on his gate. Neep spent two full days staring at it, thinking very hard. By day three he decided subtlety was for cowards, charged the hedge, blasted a Neep-shaped hole and gallumphed down the road in triumph. Wilbur and Thrusty Clappernuts followed. (Thrusty, an elderly gentleman got tired halfway through the jailbreak celebrations and fell asleep in the middle of the road. On a blind corner.) I tracked them by following a trail of mud and sheep poo, found Thrusty impersonating a traffic bollard, Wilbur standing guard in the ditch, and Neep casually eating someone’s bedding plants. So now they’re in the glamping paddock, which has high stone walls, an outdoor library, tents and children’s toys. We are hoping this will keep Neep’s ADHD brain busy while we remortgage ourselves to re-fence the farm.

183,961 Aufrufe • vor 2 Monaten

Neep the Sheep has been experimenting with escape plans. These have included pretending to be tangled in a glamping tent. (I rushed in, he miraculously unhooked himself and headed for the gate at a gallop, but was foiled at the last minute) He has also tried hiding (badly) behind the BBQ. The theory, I think, is that I will go looking for him and accidentally leave the gate open. Other times he stands by the gate staring mournfully at passers by. Trying to communicate that he's half starved, on his last legs, and in urgent need of custard creams So far we have been one step ahead. But even though Neep has a teaspoon brain he's learnt our routines. He even knows when Jim the postie passes by, as you can hear his Neepy bleats of desperate adoration. I have a feeling his next attempt might involve some kind of unhinged plan cooked up between him and Thrusty Clappernuts. Stayed tuned...

Neep the Sheep has been experimenting with escape plans. These have included pretending to be tangled in a glamping tent. (I rushed in, he miraculously unhooked himself and headed for the gate at a gallop, but was foiled at the last minute) He has also tried hiding (badly) behind the BBQ. The theory, I think, is that I will go looking for him and accidentally leave the gate open. Other times he stands by the gate staring mournfully at passers by. Trying to communicate that he's half starved, on his last legs, and in urgent need of custard creams So far we have been one step ahead. But even though Neep has a teaspoon brain he's learnt our routines. He even knows when Jim the postie passes by, as you can hear his Neepy bleats of desperate adoration. I have a feeling his next attempt might involve some kind of unhinged plan cooked up between him and Thrusty Clappernuts. Stayed tuned...

25,257 Aufrufe • vor 1 Monat

What are you doing with your Saturday morning? I’m currently on top of a picnic table negotiating with a territorial ram who thinks I’m a threat to his boyfriends. Wilbur isn't open to any bribery or discussions. Neep and Broccoli think it's hysterical. Might be here for a while...

What are you doing with your Saturday morning? I’m currently on top of a picnic table negotiating with a territorial ram who thinks I’m a threat to his boyfriends. Wilbur isn't open to any bribery or discussions. Neep and Broccoli think it's hysterical. Might be here for a while...

23,689 Aufrufe • vor 2 Monaten

This is Friar, a not very good race horse who lives in our front field with his sheepy best friend Thrusty Clappernuts. Friar is retired and is a happy, if rather dim, chap. He's scared of plastic bags, crisps packets, suspicious looking bushes and the noise of Thrusty farting.

This is Friar, a not very good race horse who lives in our front field with his sheepy best friend Thrusty Clappernuts. Friar is retired and is a happy, if rather dim, chap. He's scared of plastic bags, crisps packets, suspicious looking bushes and the noise of Thrusty farting.

22,633 Aufrufe • vor 1 Jahr

This is Parsley, who is 90% fuzzy ears and 10% woolly floof. He's 24 hours old and sticking close to his mum Parsnip. He's not sure about my cup of tea 🙂 #lambing #cutelamb #lambing2025

This is Parsley, who is 90% fuzzy ears and 10% woolly floof. He's 24 hours old and sticking close to his mum Parsnip. He's not sure about my cup of tea 🙂 #lambing #cutelamb #lambing2025

20,238 Aufrufe • vor 1 Jahr

I walk around the 10 acre wood on our farm every day, and I love every inch of it. It was planted around 1840 and is packed full of birds, foxes, deer, squirrels and a few big fat pheasants 😁 I'm so lucky to be able to visit everyday. #farmer

I walk around the 10 acre wood on our farm every day, and I love every inch of it. It was planted around 1840 and is packed full of birds, foxes, deer, squirrels and a few big fat pheasants 😁 I'm so lucky to be able to visit everyday. #farmer

11,228 Aufrufe • vor 1 Jahr

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