Super 70s Sports

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Super 70s Sports

Shorts

When I was a kid “load management” meant loading your fucked up vertebrae into a brace and getting your ass on the court. This man may be entitled to damages and he was still out there giving you quality minutes. Let’s grow a backbone again, America.

Rick Barry hit 90% of his free throws during his NBA career shooting “granny style” and nobody else has committed to it in the almost 50 years since. I find that insane.

That time the Redskins won the Super Bowl and President Reagan just fired a fucking dart that hit Ricky Sanders in stride. ‘Merica, motherfucker.

Everyone in the ballpark: “Here’s a routine double play ball.” Albert Belle: “Looks more like a fielder’s choice to me, motherfucker.”

Maybe the most Jordan dunk ever dunked by someone else. Dirk Minniefield, Rupp Arena, 1983. I remember watching it live because how could I not?

Whenever a hockey player suffered a serious injury on the ice, 70s medical personnel were there to provide the highest quality urgent care …

I don’t watch women’s basketball. I had never even heard of Caitlin Clark until about two weeks ago. Holy shit, dude.

Dick Butkus made thousands of great defensive plays in his career. My favorite play, however, is this one.

I’ve watched this five times it gets progressively more satisfying …

Sure, Barry Sanders could run for 2000 yards, but could he dunk a basketball? Yes. Yes, he could do that also.

When I was a kid, I thought Curly Neal and the Harlem Globetrotters were goddamn basketball superheroes.

If you don’t think the NFL was better when every end zone also doubled as a fucking parking lot, we’ll just have to disagree.

“I got it! I got it!” “Yeah, ok, Dad, whatever.”

If you weren’t around then, let me assure you Shawn Kemp was a bad motherfucker. This man’s soul left his body after that dunk and Kemp immediately humiliated it back inside him.

Please refrain from comparing Bo Jackson to lesser superheroes.

Super B-Day to Thomas “The Hitman” Hearns. Pound-for-pound, the greatest right hand in boxing history in my opinion. There are anesthesiologists who haven’t put as many people to sleep as this man.

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Dennis Hopper explaining to Francis Ford Coppola on the set of Apocalypse Now that he’s too fucking baked to remember his lines may be the most Dennis Hopper thing ever.

Hey, I’ve got an idea, let’s all watch the 1985 Bears defense destroy the NFL for a few minutes.

That one time Tom Selleck got an at-bat in a Tigers-Reds spring training game. Yes, this is actually real life.

Let’s hop in the time machine and return to the glory days when big time college football meant Keith Jackson. Take me back …

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This one is glorious. Some dude throws an inflatable doll onto the field at old Comiskey Park and Harry Caray can’t contain his joy.

Here’s Lynda Carter to lead us all into a weekend of wonder.

Harry Caray, Bill Murray, and Wrigley Field. What more do you want? Ok, cold beer. We got that too.

Bill Lee, at age 75 with beer in hand, walks straight out of the stands to strike out some young joker with an eephus pitch. There will never be another Spaceman.

Kojak goes to Las Vegas in order to question Liberace and they end up talking about Doc Severinsen because it was the 70s and this was therefore somehow normal.

Always remember: it’s not officially Mother’s Day until Mr. T has blessed us with song.

Marvin Gaye performs the GOAT national anthem at the 1983 NBA All-Star Game. If you know, you know. If you don’t, get educated.

The only thing better than curling today is curling in 1972. If you don’t believe me, just take a good look at this sweet bastard fully locked in, working on a lung dart in the heat of competition.

Magic Johnson is the greatest point guard to ever walk this planet and nobody is telling me any different.

This shouldn’t be real. It’s too perfect. But I’m here to tell you that it is real and it gets progressively better as it goes. The amount of cocaine taken by the network executives who green lit it may be incalculable. We all owe them a debt of gratitude.

The 70s: fewer roughing the passer penalties, more quarterbacks doing chewing tobacco commercials. This used to be a proper country.

They’ll stop the game and replay a touchdown reception from 47 different angles now to make sure it meets all the 38 criteria to be a legal catch. Meanwhile, in Super Bowl XII …

Here’s Vince Coleman beating out a routine ground ball to the second baseman. I can’t even blame Pete Rose for arguing because that just isn’t supposed to happen. Vince then steals second because Vince Coleman.

Hey, I’ve got an idea. Let’s all watch Terry Bradshaw sling touchdown passes for two minutes.

If your Mexican dinner isn’t endorsed by Harry Caray is it really authentic? That’s a rhetorical question. No, it is not.

Getting a boat in one of the Showcases was peak 1988 television entertainment and your deserved reward for having the faith to hang in there through 55 minutes of terrible guesses about the price of everything.