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ET Heisenberg

@UtdHeisenberg_9,205 subscribers

Social media influenza. Satire. Nostalgia. Non-Sequitors. Consultant that hates advising. Traveller who hates packing. DISContent creator.

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Turns out that 96th minute equaliser from Big Ben Sesko ended up costing West Ham two massive points… and it’s proved decisive in the end. Very glad I didn’t leave the ground early and got to witness an absolute screamer too 😎 Bye Bye London Stadium 👋🏼

Turns out that 96th minute equaliser from Big Ben Sesko ended up costing West Ham two massive points… and it’s proved decisive in the end. Very glad I didn’t leave the ground early and got to witness an absolute screamer too 😎 Bye Bye London Stadium 👋🏼

177,801 Aufrufe

Journalists camped outside Paul Gascoigne's house in the 90s took a Mitre football to keep themselves entertained... Gazza sent it on a European tour via the local river! 'Ave It ⚽🚀💦

Journalists camped outside Paul Gascoigne's house in the 90s took a Mitre football to keep themselves entertained... Gazza sent it on a European tour via the local river! 'Ave It ⚽🚀💦

1,554,014 Aufrufe

Some serious tears regarding the Crystal Palace red card and penalty at Old Trafford... funny and weird because I don't remember the same energy when Casemiro got sent off for giving Will Hughes a cuddle 🧸

Some serious tears regarding the Crystal Palace red card and penalty at Old Trafford... funny and weird because I don't remember the same energy when Casemiro got sent off for giving Will Hughes a cuddle 🧸

631,493 Aufrufe

Liam Gallagher speaking for every City supporter: "For me, I look at United scores before City’s. If they get beat, I’m fucking arsed. Tell me later what the City score is, how many goals City won by. As long as United are fucked man, I’m happy. I know it’s wrong & it’s bitter & all that, & it’s stupid, & I must grow up & all that… but they ruined my fucking life in the 90s.”

Liam Gallagher speaking for every City supporter: "For me, I look at United scores before City’s. If they get beat, I’m fucking arsed. Tell me later what the City score is, how many goals City won by. As long as United are fucked man, I’m happy. I know it’s wrong & it’s bitter & all that, & it’s stupid, & I must grow up & all that… but they ruined my fucking life in the 90s.”

767,023 Aufrufe

The main reason I'd rather Spurs get relegated than West Ham...

The main reason I'd rather Spurs get relegated than West Ham...

105,268 Aufrufe

Nicky Butt getting absolutely rattled by 5’6” Dennis Wise - who’s a full 3″ shorter than Lisandro Martínez - and seeing red. Maybe that’s why he hates short arses? 😉🤣

Nicky Butt getting absolutely rattled by 5’6” Dennis Wise - who’s a full 3″ shorter than Lisandro Martínez - and seeing red. Maybe that’s why he hates short arses? 😉🤣

507,665 Aufrufe

1998: David Beckham's girlfriend (now wife) is at Stamford Bridge so Chelsea fans chant, "Does she (Posh Spice) take it up arse?!" Becks shuts them up the best way possible ⚽🧏‍♂️🤫😂

1998: David Beckham's girlfriend (now wife) is at Stamford Bridge so Chelsea fans chant, "Does she (Posh Spice) take it up arse?!" Becks shuts them up the best way possible ⚽🧏‍♂️🤫😂

588,608 Aufrufe

Ruben Amorim literally kicking Andre Onana's ass feels symbolic #MUFC

Ruben Amorim literally kicking Andre Onana's ass feels symbolic #MUFC

611,283 Aufrufe

"Andre Onana's pride and joy is his Porsche Cayenne & #MUFC analysts believe they can improve his performances by parking the car in his goal during matches. The Premier League is considering the request. Meanwhile Luke Shaw has volunteered to drive the car across the pitch into the other goal at halftime because he wants to be as useful as possible to Ruben Amorim." Samuel Luckhurst

"Andre Onana's pride and joy is his Porsche Cayenne & #MUFC analysts believe they can improve his performances by parking the car in his goal during matches. The Premier League is considering the request. Meanwhile Luke Shaw has volunteered to drive the car across the pitch into the other goal at halftime because he wants to be as useful as possible to Ruben Amorim." Samuel Luckhurst

779,616 Aufrufe

Wayne and Kai Rooney watching another Virgil Van Dijk disasterclass for the Nth time this season! 🤣🤣

Wayne and Kai Rooney watching another Virgil Van Dijk disasterclass for the Nth time this season! 🤣🤣

343,522 Aufrufe

A modern footballer doing this today would break the internet in seconds. Gazza was absolutely unhinged 😭

A modern footballer doing this today would break the internet in seconds. Gazza was absolutely unhinged 😭

295,378 Aufrufe

This was Diogo Dalot's third mistake inside 8 minutes. Honestly if you put his brain inside a racing pigeon it'd take the bus back.

This was Diogo Dalot's third mistake inside 8 minutes. Honestly if you put his brain inside a racing pigeon it'd take the bus back.

302,823 Aufrufe

Ruben Amorim watching Michael Carrick's Man United wipe the floor with Man City...

Ruben Amorim watching Michael Carrick's Man United wipe the floor with Man City...

123,362 Aufrufe

Duncan Edwards scoring for England

Duncan Edwards scoring for England

78,277 Aufrufe

Real Betis Balompié 🌴💚 My toothbrush thinks he's Antony

Real Betis Balompié 🌴💚 My toothbrush thinks he's Antony

169,344 Aufrufe

My lasting memories of Lindelof are: a) his attempt of a headed clearance away at Huddersfield 🤡 b) getting roasted by Bruno for gifting Sevilla their winner in the Europa League SF - & then giving some back! 😂 In hindsight United should've sold him years ago; instead he leaves for nothing. Typical 🤦🏽

My lasting memories of Lindelof are: a) his attempt of a headed clearance away at Huddersfield 🤡 b) getting roasted by Bruno for gifting Sevilla their winner in the Europa League SF - & then giving some back! 😂 In hindsight United should've sold him years ago; instead he leaves for nothing. Typical 🤦🏽

114,509 Aufrufe

Good morning ☕🙈😂

Good morning ☕🙈😂

35,914 Aufrufe

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