ET Heisenberg's banner

ET Heisenberg

@UtdHeisenberg_ • 9,205 subscribers

Social media influenza. Satire. Nostalgia. Non-Sequitors. Consultant that hates advising. Traveller who hates packing. DISContent creator.

Shorts

Turns out that 96th minute equaliser from Big Ben Sesko ended up costing West Ham two massive points… and it’s proved decisive in the end. Very glad I didn’t leave the ground early and got to witness an absolute screamer too 😎 Bye Bye London Stadium 👋🏼

Turns out that 96th minute equaliser from Big Ben Sesko ended up costing West Ham two massive points… and it’s proved decisive in the end. Very glad I didn’t leave the ground early and got to witness an absolute screamer too 😎 Bye Bye London Stadium 👋🏼

177,801 Aufrufe

Journalists camped outside Paul Gascoigne's house in the 90s took a Mitre football to keep themselves entertained... Gazza sent it on a European tour via the local river! 'Ave It ⚽🚀💦

Journalists camped outside Paul Gascoigne's house in the 90s took a Mitre football to keep themselves entertained... Gazza sent it on a European tour via the local river! 'Ave It ⚽🚀💦

1,554,014 Aufrufe

Some serious tears regarding the Crystal Palace red card and penalty at Old Trafford... funny and weird because I don't remember the same energy when Casemiro got sent off for giving Will Hughes a cuddle 🧸

Some serious tears regarding the Crystal Palace red card and penalty at Old Trafford... funny and weird because I don't remember the same energy when Casemiro got sent off for giving Will Hughes a cuddle 🧸

631,493 Aufrufe

Liam Gallagher speaking for every City supporter: "For me, I look at United scores before City’s. If they get beat, I’m fucking arsed. Tell me later what the City score is, how many goals City won by. As long as United are fucked man, I’m happy. I know it’s wrong & it’s bitter & all that, & it’s stupid, & I must grow up & all that… but they ruined my fucking life in the 90s.”

Liam Gallagher speaking for every City supporter: "For me, I look at United scores before City’s. If they get beat, I’m fucking arsed. Tell me later what the City score is, how many goals City won by. As long as United are fucked man, I’m happy. I know it’s wrong & it’s bitter & all that, & it’s stupid, & I must grow up & all that… but they ruined my fucking life in the 90s.”

767,023 Aufrufe

The main reason I'd rather Spurs get relegated than West Ham...

The main reason I'd rather Spurs get relegated than West Ham...

105,268 Aufrufe

Nicky Butt getting absolutely rattled by 5’6” Dennis Wise - who’s a full 3″ shorter than Lisandro Martínez - and seeing red. Maybe that’s why he hates short arses? 😉🤣

Nicky Butt getting absolutely rattled by 5’6” Dennis Wise - who’s a full 3″ shorter than Lisandro Martínez - and seeing red. Maybe that’s why he hates short arses? 😉🤣

507,665 Aufrufe

1998: David Beckham's girlfriend (now wife) is at Stamford Bridge so Chelsea fans chant, "Does she (Posh Spice) take it up arse?!" Becks shuts them up the best way possible ⚽🧏‍♂️🤫😂

1998: David Beckham's girlfriend (now wife) is at Stamford Bridge so Chelsea fans chant, "Does she (Posh Spice) take it up arse?!" Becks shuts them up the best way possible ⚽🧏‍♂️🤫😂

588,608 Aufrufe

Ruben Amorim literally kicking Andre Onana's ass feels symbolic #MUFC

Ruben Amorim literally kicking Andre Onana's ass feels symbolic #MUFC

611,283 Aufrufe

"Andre Onana's pride and joy is his Porsche Cayenne & #MUFC analysts believe they can improve his performances by parking the car in his goal during matches. The Premier League is considering the request. Meanwhile Luke Shaw has volunteered to drive the car across the pitch into the other goal at halftime because he wants to be as useful as possible to Ruben Amorim." Samuel Luckhurst

"Andre Onana's pride and joy is his Porsche Cayenne & #MUFC analysts believe they can improve his performances by parking the car in his goal during matches. The Premier League is considering the request. Meanwhile Luke Shaw has volunteered to drive the car across the pitch into the other goal at halftime because he wants to be as useful as possible to Ruben Amorim." Samuel Luckhurst

779,616 Aufrufe

Wayne and Kai Rooney watching another Virgil Van Dijk disasterclass for the Nth time this season! 🤣🤣

Wayne and Kai Rooney watching another Virgil Van Dijk disasterclass for the Nth time this season! 🤣🤣

343,522 Aufrufe

A modern footballer doing this today would break the internet in seconds. Gazza was absolutely unhinged 😭

A modern footballer doing this today would break the internet in seconds. Gazza was absolutely unhinged 😭

295,378 Aufrufe

This was Diogo Dalot's third mistake inside 8 minutes. Honestly if you put his brain inside a racing pigeon it'd take the bus back.

This was Diogo Dalot's third mistake inside 8 minutes. Honestly if you put his brain inside a racing pigeon it'd take the bus back.

302,823 Aufrufe

Ruben Amorim watching Michael Carrick's Man United wipe the floor with Man City...

Ruben Amorim watching Michael Carrick's Man United wipe the floor with Man City...

123,362 Aufrufe

Duncan Edwards scoring for England

Duncan Edwards scoring for England

78,277 Aufrufe

Real Betis Balompié 🌴💚 My toothbrush thinks he's Antony

Real Betis Balompié 🌴💚 My toothbrush thinks he's Antony

169,344 Aufrufe

My lasting memories of Lindelof are: a) his attempt of a headed clearance away at Huddersfield 🤡 b) getting roasted by Bruno for gifting Sevilla their winner in the Europa League SF - & then giving some back! 😂 In hindsight United should've sold him years ago; instead he leaves for nothing. Typical 🤦🏽

My lasting memories of Lindelof are: a) his attempt of a headed clearance away at Huddersfield 🤡 b) getting roasted by Bruno for gifting Sevilla their winner in the Europa League SF - & then giving some back! 😂 In hindsight United should've sold him years ago; instead he leaves for nothing. Typical 🤦🏽

114,509 Aufrufe

Good morning ☕🙈😂

Good morning ☕🙈😂

35,914 Aufrufe

Videos

Anya Rossi

sweetdream.ai

SweetDream.ai•Sponsored•Livecam

Watch Anya Live

Anya is streaming live right now! Join her private show and enjoy exclusive content.

Exclusive private shows

1.2k viewers online

Private Show

Join now for exclusive access

Free preview available • Premium content

More shots on target in 3 seconds than Arsenal managed in 126 minutes against PSG 😂😂

More shots on target in 3 seconds than Arsenal managed in 126 minutes against PSG 😂😂

290,299 Aufrufe • vor 5 Tagen

If Jim Ratcliffe was a footballer...

If Jim Ratcliffe was a footballer...

4,699,144 Aufrufe • vor 3 Monaten

Sometimes when I need a laugh I dig out this clip of Fabian Delph educating Pep Guardiola! Leroy Sane, Vincent Kompany & Fernandinho were considering handing in a transfer request after this drivel! #Baehsics

Sometimes when I need a laugh I dig out this clip of Fabian Delph educating Pep Guardiola! Leroy Sane, Vincent Kompany & Fernandinho were considering handing in a transfer request after this drivel! #Baehsics

1,595,267 Aufrufe • vor 6 Monaten

Throwback to Cristiano Ronaldo's first career red card nearly 20 years ago... A late tackle on United legend Andy Cole who was playing for City at the time!

Throwback to Cristiano Ronaldo's first career red card nearly 20 years ago... A late tackle on United legend Andy Cole who was playing for City at the time!

1,560,336 Aufrufe • vor 6 Monaten

North London Forever is one of the worst things I've ever heard - and hearing Anne Hathaway sing it can give you AIDS of the ears...

North London Forever is one of the worst things I've ever heard - and hearing Anne Hathaway sing it can give you AIDS of the ears...

382,792 Aufrufe • vor 1 Monat

John Terry as you've never seen him before - Wholesome 🥰

John Terry as you've never seen him before - Wholesome 🥰

966,372 Aufrufe • vor 4 Monaten

Amorim used to wave his arms around just like Bruno does 😉😂

Amorim used to wave his arms around just like Bruno does 😉😂

795,346 Aufrufe • vor 5 Monaten

Brendan Gleeson to play Sir Alex Ferguson and Colin Farrell to play Roy Keane 😉😂

Brendan Gleeson to play Sir Alex Ferguson and Colin Farrell to play Roy Keane 😉😂

568,367 Aufrufe • vor 4 Monaten

Kevin Campbell talking about when he first played with Wayne Rooney for the Everton reserve team. RIP Kevin, what a character ❤️ (Part 1) 🎥 via UndrTheCosh Wayne Rooney

Kevin Campbell talking about when he first played with Wayne Rooney for the Everton reserve team. RIP Kevin, what a character ❤️ (Part 1) 🎥 via UndrTheCosh Wayne Rooney

2,318,163 Aufrufe • vor 1 Jahr

Darwin Nunez penalty miss from a #LFC fan perspective 🤬💥🤬🌋🤬 #LIVPSG

Darwin Nunez penalty miss from a #LFC fan perspective 🤬💥🤬🌋🤬 #LIVPSG

1,194,752 Aufrufe • vor 1 Jahr

Rewatched the match. Felt this Triple Sub was the turning point. Then Dorgu subbed for Dalot(?!) - Sesko got injured a few minutes later. The coaching has improved over the last few weeks but Amorim showed his inexperience here. Hopefully he learns from this as all 3 points were in the bag for United against a Spurs side who are one of the worst home teams in the league.

Rewatched the match. Felt this Triple Sub was the turning point. Then Dorgu subbed for Dalot(?!) - Sesko got injured a few minutes later. The coaching has improved over the last few weeks but Amorim showed his inexperience here. Hopefully he learns from this as all 3 points were in the bag for United against a Spurs side who are one of the worst home teams in the league.

455,882 Aufrufe • vor 6 Monaten

Gareth Southgate speaks: "Kyle Walker.... If he wasn't fast he'd be working at McDonald's. Jay Slater has been dominating the headlines but I'm more concerned about Phil Foden - he's been missing for 4 weeks. I'm genuinely really worried. If you're listening Phil, please come home." Glorious 😆😆😆

Gareth Southgate speaks: "Kyle Walker.... If he wasn't fast he'd be working at McDonald's. Jay Slater has been dominating the headlines but I'm more concerned about Phil Foden - he's been missing for 4 weeks. I'm genuinely really worried. If you're listening Phil, please come home." Glorious 😆😆😆

1,311,836 Aufrufe • vor 1 Jahr

Ruud van Nistelrooy next level shithousery for Netherlands against Andorra 😂

Ruud van Nistelrooy next level shithousery for Netherlands against Andorra 😂

597,799 Aufrufe • vor 1 Jahr

Frank Lampard summing up the Jurgen Klopp Legacy in one sentence: "The only (PL) title you've ever won & you're fucking giving it the big'un... Fuck Off!" Covid Football definitely had some positives 🤣 #MUFC #CFC #LFC

Frank Lampard summing up the Jurgen Klopp Legacy in one sentence: "The only (PL) title you've ever won & you're fucking giving it the big'un... Fuck Off!" Covid Football definitely had some positives 🤣 #MUFC #CFC #LFC

1,143,089 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

Say what you want about Roy Keane as a pundit, but as a player he didn't care if you were Eric Cantona or a fringe player - Standards were Standards!

Say what you want about Roy Keane as a pundit, but as a player he didn't care if you were Eric Cantona or a fringe player - Standards were Standards!

123,213 Aufrufe • vor 2 Monaten

Eric Cantona giving it back to the hostile Leeds scum at Elland Road 👑 #LEEMUN

Eric Cantona giving it back to the hostile Leeds scum at Elland Road 👑 #LEEMUN

174,924 Aufrufe • vor 5 Monaten

You know the referee and VAR have had a nightmare when a Liverpool legend says "Manchester United were robbed!" ESPN FC PGMO

You know the referee and VAR have had a nightmare when a Liverpool legend says "Manchester United were robbed!" ESPN FC PGMO

89,556 Aufrufe • vor 2 Monaten

Danny Murphy on MOTD summing up Manchester United under Michael Carrick 🤣

Danny Murphy on MOTD summing up Manchester United under Michael Carrick 🤣

130,655 Aufrufe • vor 3 Monaten

21 years ago today Eric Cantona kicked a racist during a match... Here is an apology 😎❤️

21 years ago today Eric Cantona kicked a racist during a match... Here is an apology 😎❤️

142,476 Aufrufe • vor 4 Monaten

A short story about Sir Alex Ferguson; a goalkeeper who won eight trophies with him; loyalty and ruthlessness. Parallels with Andre Onana's current situation at #MUFC. What should Ruben Amorim do?

A short story about Sir Alex Ferguson; a goalkeeper who won eight trophies with him; loyalty and ruthlessness. Parallels with Andre Onana's current situation at #MUFC. What should Ruben Amorim do?

347,897 Aufrufe • vor 1 Jahr