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ET Heisenberg

@UtdHeisenberg_ • 9,477 subscribers

Social media influenza. Satire. Nostalgia. Non-Sequitors. Consultant that hates advising. Traveller who hates packing. DISContent creator.

Shorts

One of my top 10 Roy Keane clips 😂 Two-footed stamp on the ankle… he treated it like a massage & carried on. Built different 💪🏽

One of my top 10 Roy Keane clips 😂 Two-footed stamp on the ankle… he treated it like a massage & carried on. Built different 💪🏽

101,491 просмотров

Journalists camped outside Paul Gascoigne's house in the 90s took a Mitre football to keep themselves entertained... Gazza sent it on a European tour via the local river! 'Ave It ⚽🚀💦

Journalists camped outside Paul Gascoigne's house in the 90s took a Mitre football to keep themselves entertained... Gazza sent it on a European tour via the local river! 'Ave It ⚽🚀💦

1,554,132 просмотров

Some serious tears regarding the Crystal Palace red card and penalty at Old Trafford... funny and weird because I don't remember the same energy when Casemiro got sent off for giving Will Hughes a cuddle 🧸

Some serious tears regarding the Crystal Palace red card and penalty at Old Trafford... funny and weird because I don't remember the same energy when Casemiro got sent off for giving Will Hughes a cuddle 🧸

632,039 просмотров

Liam Gallagher speaking for every City supporter: "For me, I look at United scores before City’s. If they get beat, I’m fucking arsed. Tell me later what the City score is, how many goals City won by. As long as United are fucked man, I’m happy. I know it’s wrong & it’s bitter & all that, & it’s stupid, & I must grow up & all that… but they ruined my fucking life in the 90s.”

Liam Gallagher speaking for every City supporter: "For me, I look at United scores before City’s. If they get beat, I’m fucking arsed. Tell me later what the City score is, how many goals City won by. As long as United are fucked man, I’m happy. I know it’s wrong & it’s bitter & all that, & it’s stupid, & I must grow up & all that… but they ruined my fucking life in the 90s.”

767,081 просмотров

Turns out that 96th minute equaliser from Big Ben Sesko ended up costing West Ham two massive points… and it’s proved decisive in the end. Very glad I didn’t leave the ground early and got to witness an absolute screamer too 😎 Bye Bye London Stadium 👋🏼

Turns out that 96th minute equaliser from Big Ben Sesko ended up costing West Ham two massive points… and it’s proved decisive in the end. Very glad I didn’t leave the ground early and got to witness an absolute screamer too 😎 Bye Bye London Stadium 👋🏼

178,129 просмотров

Nicky Butt getting absolutely rattled by 5’6” Dennis Wise - who’s a full 3″ shorter than Lisandro Martínez - and seeing red. Maybe that’s why he hates short arses? 😉🤣

Nicky Butt getting absolutely rattled by 5’6” Dennis Wise - who’s a full 3″ shorter than Lisandro Martínez - and seeing red. Maybe that’s why he hates short arses? 😉🤣

507,665 просмотров

"Andre Onana's pride and joy is his Porsche Cayenne & #MUFC analysts believe they can improve his performances by parking the car in his goal during matches. The Premier League is considering the request. Meanwhile Luke Shaw has volunteered to drive the car across the pitch into the other goal at halftime because he wants to be as useful as possible to Ruben Amorim." Samuel Luckhurst

"Andre Onana's pride and joy is his Porsche Cayenne & #MUFC analysts believe they can improve his performances by parking the car in his goal during matches. The Premier League is considering the request. Meanwhile Luke Shaw has volunteered to drive the car across the pitch into the other goal at halftime because he wants to be as useful as possible to Ruben Amorim." Samuel Luckhurst

779,616 просмотров

Ruben Amorim literally kicking Andre Onana's ass feels symbolic #MUFC

Ruben Amorim literally kicking Andre Onana's ass feels symbolic #MUFC

611,283 просмотров

1998: David Beckham's girlfriend (now wife) is at Stamford Bridge so Chelsea fans chant, "Does she (Posh Spice) take it up arse?!" Becks shuts them up the best way possible ⚽🧏‍♂️🤫😂

1998: David Beckham's girlfriend (now wife) is at Stamford Bridge so Chelsea fans chant, "Does she (Posh Spice) take it up arse?!" Becks shuts them up the best way possible ⚽🧏‍♂️🤫😂

588,608 просмотров

Wayne and Kai Rooney watching another Virgil Van Dijk disasterclass for the Nth time this season! 🤣🤣

Wayne and Kai Rooney watching another Virgil Van Dijk disasterclass for the Nth time this season! 🤣🤣

343,624 просмотров

The main reason I'd rather Spurs get relegated than West Ham...

The main reason I'd rather Spurs get relegated than West Ham...

105,384 просмотров

A modern footballer doing this today would break the internet in seconds. Gazza was absolutely unhinged 😭

A modern footballer doing this today would break the internet in seconds. Gazza was absolutely unhinged 😭

295,378 просмотров

This was Diogo Dalot's third mistake inside 8 minutes. Honestly if you put his brain inside a racing pigeon it'd take the bus back.

This was Diogo Dalot's third mistake inside 8 minutes. Honestly if you put his brain inside a racing pigeon it'd take the bus back.

302,823 просмотров

Ruben Amorim watching Michael Carrick's Man United wipe the floor with Man City...

Ruben Amorim watching Michael Carrick's Man United wipe the floor with Man City...

123,672 просмотров

Duncan Edwards scoring for England

Duncan Edwards scoring for England

78,277 просмотров

Real Betis Balompié 🌴💚 My toothbrush thinks he's Antony

Real Betis Balompié 🌴💚 My toothbrush thinks he's Antony

169,344 просмотров

My lasting memories of Lindelof are: a) his attempt of a headed clearance away at Huddersfield 🤡 b) getting roasted by Bruno for gifting Sevilla their winner in the Europa League SF - & then giving some back! 😂 In hindsight United should've sold him years ago; instead he leaves for nothing. Typical 🤦🏽

My lasting memories of Lindelof are: a) his attempt of a headed clearance away at Huddersfield 🤡 b) getting roasted by Bruno for gifting Sevilla their winner in the Europa League SF - & then giving some back! 😂 In hindsight United should've sold him years ago; instead he leaves for nothing. Typical 🤦🏽

115,526 просмотров

Good morning ☕🙈😂

Good morning ☕🙈😂

35,914 просмотров

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The Ruud van Nistelrooy special. Summer 2000: Man United are ready to smash the British transfer record with £18.5m for the PSV striker. Cue training ground ACL rupture. Deal collapses, full year out. Fergie’s response? Come back next summer and pay £19m for a player who’d barely kicked a ball. Proper footballing logic. He went on to become a Utd legend. So no, Manuel Ugarte’s knee injury doesn’t magically make him unsellable in a year. Relax. #MUFC

The Ruud van Nistelrooy special. Summer 2000: Man United are ready to smash the British transfer record with £18.5m for the PSV striker. Cue training ground ACL rupture. Deal collapses, full year out. Fergie’s response? Come back next summer and pay £19m for a player who’d barely kicked a ball. Proper footballing logic. He went on to become a Utd legend. So no, Manuel Ugarte’s knee injury doesn’t magically make him unsellable in a year. Relax. #MUFC

2,829,305 просмотров • 22 дней назад

The moment it happened - literally the day after a Sky Sports reporter called the failed medical “embarrassing for Manchester United.” You can literally hear the pop and the scream. Non-contact, landed awkwardly going for a header. Full ACL gone. Yet Fergie still paid more the next year. Proper old-school faith. #MUFC

The moment it happened - literally the day after a Sky Sports reporter called the failed medical “embarrassing for Manchester United.” You can literally hear the pop and the scream. Non-contact, landed awkwardly going for a header. Full ACL gone. Yet Fergie still paid more the next year. Proper old-school faith. #MUFC

2,414,365 просмотров • 21 дней назад

If Jim Ratcliffe was a footballer...

If Jim Ratcliffe was a footballer...

4,700,510 просмотров • 5 месяцев назад

Michael Carrick's World Cup record: 🏆 1 appearance 🏆 1 win 🏆 1 Man of the Match Then England went back to squeezing Gerrard and Lampard into the same midfield and wondering why it never worked.

Michael Carrick's World Cup record: 🏆 1 appearance 🏆 1 win 🏆 1 Man of the Match Then England went back to squeezing Gerrard and Lampard into the same midfield and wondering why it never worked.

977,172 просмотров • 1 месяц назад

Monday 4am in Mexico: England supporters after discovering tequila costs less than bottled water: 🍹 Pelé: “Oh dear… it’s the English” Ronaldo (R9) : “Who?”

Monday 4am in Mexico: England supporters after discovering tequila costs less than bottled water: 🍹 Pelé: “Oh dear… it’s the English” Ronaldo (R9) : “Who?”

135,124 просмотров • 18 дней назад

Sometimes when I need a laugh I dig out this clip of Fabian Delph educating Pep Guardiola! Leroy Sane, Vincent Kompany & Fernandinho were considering handing in a transfer request after this drivel! #Baehsics

Sometimes when I need a laugh I dig out this clip of Fabian Delph educating Pep Guardiola! Leroy Sane, Vincent Kompany & Fernandinho were considering handing in a transfer request after this drivel! #Baehsics

1,595,267 просмотров • 7 месяцев назад

Throwback to Cristiano Ronaldo's first career red card nearly 20 years ago... A late tackle on United legend Andy Cole who was playing for City at the time!

Throwback to Cristiano Ronaldo's first career red card nearly 20 years ago... A late tackle on United legend Andy Cole who was playing for City at the time!

1,560,336 просмотров • 8 месяцев назад

More shots on target in 3 seconds than Arsenal managed in 126 minutes against PSG 😂😂

More shots on target in 3 seconds than Arsenal managed in 126 minutes against PSG 😂😂

290,865 просмотров • 1 месяц назад

John Terry as you've never seen him before - Wholesome 🥰

John Terry as you've never seen him before - Wholesome 🥰

967,136 просмотров • 6 месяцев назад

England vs Norway tonight. Forget the touchline cameras. I want the full Graham Taylor treatment... Tuchel Cam! Which England player will get the Paul Gascoigne treatment? 🤬 🤬 🤬

England vs Norway tonight. Forget the touchline cameras. I want the full Graham Taylor treatment... Tuchel Cam! Which England player will get the Paul Gascoigne treatment? 🤬 🤬 🤬

48,806 просмотров • 9 дней назад

1993, Rotterdam. Netherlands vs England in a decisive 1994 World Cup qualifier. Koeman last-man foul: clear denial of a goalscoring opportunity, should’ve been off. He stays on, scores a free-kick… and England miss USA 94. That’s why I never liked Ronald Koeman.

1993, Rotterdam. Netherlands vs England in a decisive 1994 World Cup qualifier. Koeman last-man foul: clear denial of a goalscoring opportunity, should’ve been off. He stays on, scores a free-kick… and England miss USA 94. That’s why I never liked Ronald Koeman.

145,135 просмотров • 1 месяц назад

Amorim used to wave his arms around just like Bruno does 😉😂

Amorim used to wave his arms around just like Bruno does 😉😂

795,346 просмотров • 6 месяцев назад

North London Forever is one of the worst things I've ever heard - and hearing Anne Hathaway sing it can give you AIDS of the ears...

North London Forever is one of the worst things I've ever heard - and hearing Anne Hathaway sing it can give you AIDS of the ears...

383,202 просмотров • 3 месяцев назад

Brendan Gleeson to play Sir Alex Ferguson and Colin Farrell to play Roy Keane 😉😂

Brendan Gleeson to play Sir Alex Ferguson and Colin Farrell to play Roy Keane 😉😂

568,669 просмотров • 6 месяцев назад

Kevin Campbell talking about when he first played with Wayne Rooney for the Everton reserve team. RIP Kevin, what a character ❤️ (Part 1) 🎥 via UndrTheCosh Wayne Rooney

Kevin Campbell talking about when he first played with Wayne Rooney for the Everton reserve team. RIP Kevin, what a character ❤️ (Part 1) 🎥 via UndrTheCosh Wayne Rooney

2,319,118 просмотров • 2 лет назад

Darwin Nunez penalty miss from a #LFC fan perspective 🤬💥🤬🌋🤬 #LIVPSG

Darwin Nunez penalty miss from a #LFC fan perspective 🤬💥🤬🌋🤬 #LIVPSG

1,194,881 просмотров • 1 год назад

Gareth Southgate speaks: "Kyle Walker.... If he wasn't fast he'd be working at McDonald's. Jay Slater has been dominating the headlines but I'm more concerned about Phil Foden - he's been missing for 4 weeks. I'm genuinely really worried. If you're listening Phil, please come home." Glorious 😆😆😆

Gareth Southgate speaks: "Kyle Walker.... If he wasn't fast he'd be working at McDonald's. Jay Slater has been dominating the headlines but I'm more concerned about Phil Foden - he's been missing for 4 weeks. I'm genuinely really worried. If you're listening Phil, please come home." Glorious 😆😆😆

1,312,137 просмотров • 2 лет назад

Rewatched the match. Felt this Triple Sub was the turning point. Then Dorgu subbed for Dalot(?!) - Sesko got injured a few minutes later. The coaching has improved over the last few weeks but Amorim showed his inexperience here. Hopefully he learns from this as all 3 points were in the bag for United against a Spurs side who are one of the worst home teams in the league.

Rewatched the match. Felt this Triple Sub was the turning point. Then Dorgu subbed for Dalot(?!) - Sesko got injured a few minutes later. The coaching has improved over the last few weeks but Amorim showed his inexperience here. Hopefully he learns from this as all 3 points were in the bag for United against a Spurs side who are one of the worst home teams in the league.

455,882 просмотров • 8 месяцев назад

Frank Lampard summing up the Jurgen Klopp Legacy in one sentence: "The only (PL) title you've ever won & you're fucking giving it the big'un... Fuck Off!" Covid Football definitely had some positives 🤣 #MUFC #CFC #LFC

Frank Lampard summing up the Jurgen Klopp Legacy in one sentence: "The only (PL) title you've ever won & you're fucking giving it the big'un... Fuck Off!" Covid Football definitely had some positives 🤣 #MUFC #CFC #LFC

1,143,188 просмотров • 2 лет назад

Ruud van Nistelrooy next level shithousery for Netherlands against Andorra 😂

Ruud van Nistelrooy next level shithousery for Netherlands against Andorra 😂

598,442 просмотров • 1 год назад