Christmas Vacation

@VacationQuotes • 50,394 subscribers

Can’t see the line, can you Russ?

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Christmas Vacation

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Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead? Nah I'm doing just fine, Clark. Just glad to be here.

You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced because every time Catherine revved up the microwave I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so.

You serious, Clark?

And if it wouldn’t be too much, I’d like to get something for you, Clark. Something 👌🏼really nice.

Yeah, last season he was a pixie-dust spreader on the Tilt-O-Whirl. He thinks that maybe next year, he'll be guessing people's weight or barking for the Yak woman.

Worse! How could they get any worse?! Take a look around you, Ellen! We're at the threshold of hell!

Wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they–hotter than they are!

My counsin-in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain. I appreciate that, Clark.

Yes, yes, it is. It's a bit nipply out – I mean nippy out!

Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead? Naw I'm doing just fine, Clark. Just glad to be here.

SQUIRREL!!!

He's got another car, he can drive! I have to eat so I can take my back pill!

And when Santa squeezes his fat, white ass down that chimney tonight, he's going to find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!

That thing had nine lives, she just spent 'em all...WOO!

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Yeah, I got the daughter in the clinic getting cured off the Wild Turkey. And the older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career. College? Carnival.

And why is the carpet all wet, TODD? I don't KNOW, Margo!

Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!

Can't see the line. Can you, Russ?

Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn...the clean, cool chill of the holiday air...and an asshole in his bathrobe emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.

Grace! She passed away thirty years ago!

So what's the matter with you?

Only problem is he's got a little bit of Mississippi leg hound in him. If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town.

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la – take it, Russ! Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

I pledge allegiance, to the flag, of the Untied States of America, and to the republic, for which it stands; one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. Amen