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Christmas Vacation

@VacationQuotes • 50,181 subscribers

Can’t see the line, can you Russ?

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Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead? Nah I'm doing just fine, Clark. Just glad to be here.

Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead? Nah I'm doing just fine, Clark. Just glad to be here.

775,867 Aufrufe

You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced because every time Catherine revved up the microwave I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so.

You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced because every time Catherine revved up the microwave I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so.

522,717 Aufrufe

Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn into the carpet I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now.

Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn into the carpet I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now.

223,687 Aufrufe

You serious, Clark?

You serious, Clark?

217,674 Aufrufe

And if it wouldn’t be too much, I’d like to get something for you, Clark. Something 👌🏼really nice.

And if it wouldn’t be too much, I’d like to get something for you, Clark. Something 👌🏼really nice.

218,732 Aufrufe

Yeah, last season he was a pixie-dust spreader on the Tilt-O-Whirl. He thinks that maybe next year, he'll be guessing people's weight or barking for the Yak woman.

Yeah, last season he was a pixie-dust spreader on the Tilt-O-Whirl. He thinks that maybe next year, he'll be guessing people's weight or barking for the Yak woman.

187,838 Aufrufe

That's something ain't it, huh? She falls in a well, eyes go crossed. She gets kicked by a mule, they go back to normal. I don't know!

That's something ain't it, huh? She falls in a well, eyes go crossed. She gets kicked by a mule, they go back to normal. I don't know!

178,246 Aufrufe

Worse! How could they get any worse?! Take a look around you, Ellen! We're at the threshold of hell!

Worse! How could they get any worse?! Take a look around you, Ellen! We're at the threshold of hell!

166,589 Aufrufe

Wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they–hotter than they are!

Wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they–hotter than they are!

125,634 Aufrufe

My counsin-in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain. I appreciate that, Clark.

My counsin-in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain. I appreciate that, Clark.

125,325 Aufrufe

Yes, yes, it is. It's a bit nipply out – I mean nippy out!

Yes, yes, it is. It's a bit nipply out – I mean nippy out!

108,348 Aufrufe

Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead? Naw I'm doing just fine, Clark. Just glad to be here.

Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead? Naw I'm doing just fine, Clark. Just glad to be here.

117,726 Aufrufe

SQUIRREL!!!

SQUIRREL!!!

84,397 Aufrufe

He's got another car, he can drive! I have to eat so I can take my back pill!

He's got another car, he can drive! I have to eat so I can take my back pill!

75,256 Aufrufe

And when Santa squeezes his fat, white ass down that chimney tonight, he's going to find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!

And when Santa squeezes his fat, white ass down that chimney tonight, he's going to find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!

69,179 Aufrufe

Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.

Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.

66,918 Aufrufe

That thing had nine lives, she just spent 'em all...WOO!

That thing had nine lives, she just spent 'em all...WOO!

60,617 Aufrufe

You smell something? Fried pussy cat!

You smell something? Fried pussy cat!

38,148 Aufrufe

Corporate cards...

Corporate cards...

36,643 Aufrufe

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Yeah, I got the daughter in the clinic getting cured off the Wild Turkey. And the older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career. College? Carnival.
0:25
VacationQuotes's profile picture

Yeah, I got the daughter in the clinic getting cured off the Wild Turkey. And the older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career. College? Carnival.

Christmas Vacation

1,083,961 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

And why is the carpet all wet, TODD? I don't KNOW, Margo!
0:21
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And why is the carpet all wet, TODD? I don't KNOW, Margo!

Christmas Vacation

710,071 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!
0:39
VacationQuotes's profile picture

Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!

Christmas Vacation

656,102 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

Can't see the line. Can you, Russ?
0:25
VacationQuotes's profile picture

Can't see the line. Can you, Russ?

Christmas Vacation

358,793 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn...the clean, cool chill of the holiday air...and an asshole in his bathrobe emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.
0:20
VacationQuotes's profile picture

Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn...the clean, cool chill of the holiday air...and an asshole in his bathrobe emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.

Christmas Vacation

191,206 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

Grace! She passed away thirty years ago!
0:21
VacationQuotes's profile picture

Grace! She passed away thirty years ago!

Christmas Vacation

130,366 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

So what's the matter with you?
0:27
VacationQuotes's profile picture

So what's the matter with you?

Christmas Vacation

121,488 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

Only problem is he's got a little bit of Mississippi leg hound in him. If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town.
0:22
VacationQuotes's profile picture

Only problem is he's got a little bit of Mississippi leg hound in him. If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town.

Christmas Vacation

84,280 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la – take it, Russ! Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
0:24
VacationQuotes's profile picture

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la – take it, Russ! Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

Christmas Vacation

84,785 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

I pledge allegiance, to the flag, of the Untied States of America, and to the republic, for which it stands; one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. Amen
0:33
VacationQuotes's profile picture

I pledge allegiance, to the flag, of the Untied States of America, and to the republic, for which it stands; one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. Amen

Christmas Vacation

77,774 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

He worked really hard, grandma. So do washing machines.
0:31
VacationQuotes's profile picture

He worked really hard, grandma. So do washing machines.

Christmas Vacation

77,315 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

She wrapped up her damn cat!
0:28
VacationQuotes's profile picture

She wrapped up her damn cat!

Christmas Vacation

55,767 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!🎵
0:43
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Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!🎵

Christmas Vacation

53,710 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

Save the neck for me, Clark!
0:23
VacationQuotes's profile picture

Save the neck for me, Clark!

Christmas Vacation

50,881 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

Hey! If any of you are looking for any last minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. And I want him brought from his happy, holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people, 🧵
1:02
VacationQuotes's profile picture

Hey! If any of you are looking for any last minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. And I want him brought from his happy, holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people, 🧵

Christmas Vacation

50,270 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

Oh he's just yackin' on a bone. He got it up! He's alright now!
0:42
VacationQuotes's profile picture

Oh he's just yackin' on a bone. He got it up! He's alright now!

Christmas Vacation

49,934 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

Oh boy, this is a surprise, Clark. This is just a real nice surprise! Just a real nice surprise!
0:22
VacationQuotes's profile picture

Oh boy, this is a surprise, Clark. This is just a real nice surprise! Just a real nice surprise!

Christmas Vacation

46,030 Aufrufe • vor 2 Jahren

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