Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead? Nah I'm doing just fine, Clark. Just glad to be here.
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You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced because every time Catherine revved up the microwave I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so.
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Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn into the carpet I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now.
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You serious, Clark?
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And if it wouldn’t be too much, I’d like to get something for you, Clark. Something 👌🏼really nice.
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Yeah, last season he was a pixie-dust spreader on the Tilt-O-Whirl. He thinks that maybe next year, he'll be guessing people's weight or barking for the Yak woman.
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That's something ain't it, huh? She falls in a well, eyes go crossed. She gets kicked by a mule, they go back to normal. I don't know!
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Worse! How could they get any worse?! Take a look around you, Ellen! We're at the threshold of hell!
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Wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they–hotter than they are!
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My counsin-in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain. I appreciate that, Clark.
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Yes, yes, it is. It's a bit nipply out – I mean nippy out!
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Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead? Naw I'm doing just fine, Clark. Just glad to be here.
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SQUIRREL!!!
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He's got another car, he can drive! I have to eat so I can take my back pill!
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And when Santa squeezes his fat, white ass down that chimney tonight, he's going to find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!
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Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.
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That thing had nine lives, she just spent 'em all...WOO!
