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7 weeks until I step on stage again. Still becoming. ⚔️

93,247 次观看 • 5 天前 •via X (Twitter)

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Day 18 of my 30 Day Water Fast. LONG but IMPORTANT read. 💕💦 Last night at 4 AM, I made a decision—I wiped everything from my Instagram and TikTok that was posted before this fast started. Every video, every picture, every piece of content—gone. Why? Because I felt like everything I had posted before was created with greed, lust, anger, resentment, and bitterness. And just keeping those memories up was holding me back from the person I’m trying to become. If you truly want to change, you have to let go of the old version of yourself. You can’t cling to things that no longer serve you. I get it. You’ve seen this before. You’ve heard me say it a million times. And that’s why when someone in my chat said, “How many days do you guys give him until he crashes out again?” That sh*t hurt. Because I know my past behavior has given the world every reason to doubt me. But instead of waiting for me to fail, I think the better thing to say is: “I know you’ve fallen so many times, but I pray this time you truly stay consistent.” Because I truly do want to change. I hated who I was. And if I could erase every clip, every post, every trace of the old me from the internet, I would. But I can’t. That version of me will live online forever. The biggest thing I’m realizing during this 30-day fast? I don’t like selling my soul. I don’t like being on camera 24/7. I don’t like giving people the space to say whatever they want about me, in my own home, in my car, in my personal life. I used to feed off the hate, the anger, the negativity. I let it drive me. But now that I’m trying to live in light, that same energy is holding me back. Every step forward, I get dragged two steps back just by being in this space. And yeah, I know the irony of me saying all this while still streaming 24/7. But until I find another way to make a living, I have to do what I have to do. I said I was gonna complete 30 days live to prove I didn’t eat—so I’m gonna finish it, no matter how much I hate doing it. And yeah, I’m pissed off today. Doing this during Ramadan was the worst decision I could’ve made. Dry fasting all day and then breaking my fast with only water, black coffee, electrolytes, and green tea is insane. If I could do this again, I’d do it outside of Ramadan so I could at least drink water during the day. Sorry for the long read. Just had to get this off my chest.

FOUSEY

132,787 次观看 • 1 年前