A lot to take in here--

Major Paine, meet Deputy Extrǎ Strøngh

He's like "oh as long as we're making up titles and names today..."

Planet Fitness is the Waffle House of gyms

She's nuttier than a squirrel turd

When she was yelling random facing movements and saluting him I prob would have just called it a day--

“I was with the Green Berets, Special Unit Battalions... Commando Airborne Tactics... Specialist Tactics Unit Battalion. Yeah, it was real hush hush. I was Agent Orange, that was my name, Special Agent Orange, that was me.”

No Coast Guard Armored Infantry experience I see--so not top tier, but up there

Sgt Senior Colonel Chief Fire Britches?

Petty General Priscilla Pantaloons--