Defined or Refined? When you face difficulty, insurmountable obstacles, great loss, or other massive things, it forces a choice: Will you be defined by this? Or will you be refined by this? When we lost our son in 2013, Lisa and I quickly realized that this loss could easily... become the thing that our family was about for the rest of our lives. We've seen it in our practice, when someone goes through something hard and everything about their entire life. After that revolves around the loss, the pain from the past, the wound that they've suffered. But we've seen other people that, after they appropriately grieved, somehow found purpose against the pain. Somehow overtime seemed to develop a quality about their lives that was informed by the tragedy that made them stronger, more resilient, and able to help people because of what they've gone through. This redemption of pain and turning it into purpose seems to me to be what God is promising in Isaiah 48:10 . "I have refined you, but not as silver is refined. Rather, I have refined you in the furnace of suffering." The furnace is not pleasant. But loss, trauma, and adversity are GOING TO PUT YOU IN THE FIRE. So, since you cannot avoid being in the fire, the only choice you have is what the fire does to you. Defined, or refined. That choice made all the difference for us. Save this for the next time the furnace forces you to make a choice. And share it with a friend who's in the fire. Follow me for daily connections between neuroscience and faith that will help you flourish in your life, even when you're in a season of suffering. And click the link in my bio to learn more about my New York Times, best seller, The Life-Changing Art of Self-Brain Surgery. #neuroscience #selfbrainsurgery #pain #traumashow more

Thank you for this, I am currently in the fire.

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TY for this. In past 10mo, I've lost my marriage, dogs, home, money & my best friend died of cancer, plus incurable lung disease is diagnosed as I turn 60. Frightening, yes, but I know my Redeemer loves me & provides what is best.

I'm so sorry. Praying for you

A friend said, you’ve been thru the fire but you don’t smell like smoke. Best compliment I could get!

Love this ….so true ❤️❤️❤️

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First off, Dr. Warren, I'm so sorry for your loss, And what you speak of you earned the right to say and to be heard. I am really thinking about your wisdom here and how I can apply it to my life. It is profound.

Thank you so much.

Thank you very much, it's very interesting ! It open new ways of thinking.

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@JohnBeaudoinSr Saw your Facebook repost by the parent who lost two sons. 💔. Just came across this. ❤️🙏🏼

@JohnBeaudoinSr Welcome.🙏

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The timing of your messages have been a godsemd to me. Thank you, doc. Stay blessed.

I'm so grateful. You too!

Life's trials and tribulations moulded me into a lone wolf in my younger years; age further evolved my life into wisdom and peaceful independence. I love living alone, enjoying my own company, and welcoming people in only when I choose. This hard-won refinement has served me well

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Just started following you yesterday. Very grateful for these nuggets of wisdom and experience ♥️

Thank you!🙏

A blessing Once more

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Thank you Dr. Lee! I’ve been in the fire 🔥 for many years. And sadly this has defined a good portion of my life. I think the Lord has more refining to do in my life. Thank you for sharing this word! 🙏🏻

Thank you.😊 Praying for you

The redemption of pain. Thank you - this explains so much and is a phrase i have been searching for…

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Thank you. That was just what I needed to hear today. 🙏

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You have helped me immensely going through the grief of my 37 yo daughter to suicide on 7/6/2026. I can’t thank you enough. It’s still a journey, but your words resonate with what I’m going through. They bring comfort to know this is not where the story ends.

I'm so sorry. We are praying for you.

This hit home due to the loss of my husband d Aug 15th from his 3rd round of curative chemo. Its a hard one to bare.

I'm so sorry. Praying for you.

Thank you for this 🙏 I’m currently smoldering and have been for a year.

Praying for you

Appreciate you, thank you.

Refined... already done!

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Hello Dr. Warren. I have been researching pain gate theory associated with depression, and how it can keep the gate open, and therefore make the pain more severe or prolonged. I have read that taking drugs such as Zoloft, can help a person with their depression, and alleviate keeping the gate open. I was wondering if you would consider doing a post, with your opinions on this topic? Thank you!

Timely TY

We are refineries!

i can show rmore from Ontario 🇨🇦

This is what God revealed to me just this week. After a lifetime defined by trauma and pain, God showed me that by allowing the past to define me, I still worship the fruits of the flesh instead of reveling in the fruits of the Spirit. No more.

Yeah, pain can become part of a person’s story without becoming their entire identity. Healing is not about forgetting the loss or moving on from it, but slowly learning how to live alongside it without allowing it to take over everything that comes after. Sometimes the deepest kind of healing is when the pain is still there, but it no longer speaks louder than the rest of life. Over time, meaning, strength, and even purpose can begin to grow around what was once only loss. #PostTraumaticGrowth #PTG

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Sorry for your loss Doc. Thanks for the uplifting message on refinements. 🙏🙏🙏🙌🙌🙌

Thanks so much

Refined!!! Thank you Dr. Warren. Please keep my 31 y.o. Son, Warren, in your prayers. I currently have him blocked and it is one of the greatest hardships I have gone through. I hope he finds and follows you.

I really enjoy your stuff. 🖤

Contact me please last my son from Ontario 🇨🇦