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I don't know how much longer I can keep telling my little boy, "Everything will be okay." Donations have almost stopped, and with them, Mohammed's chance to continue his life-saving heart treatment is slipping away. I am a father separated from my wife and children for nearly three years....

15,532 просмотров • 1 месяц назад •via X (Twitter)

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"My dad forgot my name last Thursday. He looked at me for a long time and I could see him trying and I smiled and said it's okay Dad and meant it and didn't mean it. Yesterday I brought Bruno to visit. Dad was in his recliner staring at the window the way he does when he's somewhere we can't follow. Bruno walked in. Dad turned. And his whole face — his whole face — became the face I grew up with. He reached out both hands. He said Bruno's name perfectly. Clearly. No hesitation. He said it the way you say the name of something you have loved so long it lives below the place the disease can reach." He held Bruno's face in both hands for a long time. He talked to him. Full sentences. Things I haven't heard from him in months. He said — "There's my boy. There he is. I knew you'd come." I sat in the corner of that room and I let them have it and I didn't make a sound because some things are not for witnessing loudly. My dad has Alzheimer's. Some days he knows me. Some days he is somewhere I cannot find him. But he always knows Bruno. Every single visit. Every single time. Bruno walks in and my father comes back to the surface like something in him refuses to forget the one who never left. I don't know what that is. I don't know the name for it. I just know that Bruno walks into that room and my father says his name and for a few minutes I have my dad back. That's everything. Some days that's just everything. Drop a ❤️ for Dad. And for Bruno who finds him every single time in places I can't reach.

Crazy Moments

78,118 просмотров • 1 месяц назад

An Eyelash and 3 Dandelions In Room 8, my eyelash fell upon my father’s face, resting upon the bridge of his nose, as I held his hand and whispered into his ear, “I love you. I love you. I love you.” I repeated the words he had said in life: “Salam. Shalom. Shanti.” Peace. Peace. Peace. “Salam. Shalom. Shanti.” And, transcending identity, he responded: “Shanti.” Peace. Soon after, my father, Mohammed Zafar Alam Nomani, 93, a man of faith, humanity, humility and love, took his last breath. Through the dark of the night, his son and grandchildren whispered into his ear, his wife of 64 years held the hand that had just months earlier given her three dandelions on the banks of the Monongahela River. There is nothing that prepared me for this sheer loss unimaginable of a father’s breath that had again become my own, just as it had been when I lay upon his belly as a girl, delighting in stories of the kings and queens of India. “Noorjehan,” he told me when I asked which queen he told me about. Bedside these past weeks with my family as my father battled life-threatening pneumonia and lung disease, I inhaled these last weeks beside my father’s ear to guide him to breathe deeply and exhaled softly onto his neck to synchronize our breaths and try to bring him back to good health. These past weeks, my father gave us the gift of being able to serve him as an expression of love. In Room 8, I fell in love again with my father as I had as a girl upon his belly. I learned from the softness of his grandchildren serving him, my niece tucking and retucking his blanket. We knew his white blood cell count and his respirations per minute. We discovered his playful wink. We recited the first chapter of the Quran to remain on the straight path, and I heard him say again and again “Alhamdullilah,” praise be to God, because he had gratitude in even obstacles, as his granddaughter observed in him. With each gesture of care for him, he whispered, “Thank you,” with a beaming smile. I heard him express his mantra: “Think good. Do good.” “Serve humanity.” A a twin who lost his brother soon out of the womb, a child of British colonialism, a survivor of the manmade Bengal Famine of 1943, he taught by example, eschewing grievance and cherishing life. Every moment from our lives together flashes before me. My father who drove me to the Pittsburgh Airport so many times over to allow my wings to fly in this world. Who ferried his son, wife and grandchildren to help them pursue their every dream. My father who drove me to Andrews Air Force Base in the dark of the predawn for me to board a plane to Guantanamo Bay — on a round trip ticket. My father who taught me how to ride a lawn tractor. My father who read my books’ every words and wrote notes in the margins. My friends tell me that experiencing a parents’ death leaves a hole in the heart, shepherding a parent’s care at end of life leaves a trauma invisible and surviving a parent in the normal cycle of life is an unspoken soul-crushing grief. In Room 8, I have confronted very intimately the social reality of a grief even more painful in a society that appears to too often devalue the “elderly,” coax the vulnerable without treatment to unwanted “hospice” or medically-assisted suicide and “slow code” the elderly to death, responding slowly to emergency. We couldn’t save my father but I am keen to investigate the dynamics of ageism that too often become a barrier to treatment. My father always encouraged me to draw lesson for society from suffering. Please write to me or reply with your family’s story? I will strive to honor his life. And thank you for honoring him by absorbing the details of his life, down to the flutter of three dandelions in the wind and the drop of an eyelash upon his skin.

Asra Nomani

11,809 просмотров • 11 дней назад

Dear Everyone, The last few days have been hell. Losing Kiyo has not been easy and I’m not ok. Kiyo gave me the best time of my life. The level of joy you brought into my word and any space he was able to exist in was incomparable. Kiyo was my lover, my best friend, and my truth. He truly saw me for who I was and I saw him for who he was. I didn’t just love him, I believed in him, prayed for his victory. I cared for him. Who would have thought that bringing back a piece of Tupperware would invite me into the world of the purest, kindest soul in the world. Kiyo would do anything for anyone. He was my hero and I was his. We both kept our capes on for each other whenever we needed to save the other person. I am grateful that I got to experience a love like his. I am grateful I got to spend some of the best moments of my life with him. I am grateful that even I grieve I still feel his warmth and care. Kiyo taught me be more patient and understanding and no matter how we came into this world and no matter how bad the world treated us, it doesn’t give us the right to exact that same unkindness to others. He loves animals, anime, a good meal, Steven Universe, a really inappropriate joke, and you never had to guess how he felt about you. As he was goofy he was charming. I still feel his hands interlocked into mine and he was fearless. He loved like no other man I have met in this world could. The first night we reconnected he gave my cat Patrick the middle name Bayard. He gave me first Christmas full of love and laughs. The first man in my life to actually pay attention to me and surprise me with gifts that he knew I would love and were true to who I was as a nerd. Anytime I could get it, I was with him. He had full access to my home and my heart. To Mike and Rico thank you for always being there for him and caring for him, Mike you coming into town in March really lit him up. First time I got to dance with him. Rico thank you for taking him to there museum. He loved every moment of it. All he could do was rave about how much made his day. To Tony, his wife and his gaming community on Destiny 2, thank you for being patient with my baby and giving him space to be man that he was and to his Dad and his brothers. He loved y’all more than you know. All he wanted was for y’all to be ok. And to all his true friends and loved ones know that he always thought of y’all. I will never say goodbye to Kiyoki-D’Andre Marcel Toliver, I will say see you later because no matter where you are I know you are watching me because what we had was Immortal. As I grieve I will try to give any notice on his memorial service which will be in NYC because his grandmother sent him here to find the best version of himself and I know he truly did. I want to share this video I made months ago because I was so proud of the man I had. I want to share also the last video he took of me before we went to Brooklyn Comic-Con. If there are typos forgive me.

𝔼𝕕𝕚𝕥𝕙 ℙ𝕦𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕖

283,073 просмотров • 2 лет назад

[rant post I'll probably delete later] Today was the most beautiful day for me. As much as i got to enjoy the happy moments i still have been feeling emotional the whole day bcs of everything that was shared by taekook. I am always praying for taehyung and jungkook’s best health. Taehyung who has been going through so much yet chose to keep his pain to himself because he didn’t want to worry armys. Taehyung who said he didn’t have anyone to rely on during his military service. Taehyung who was away from fans for two years and felt that absence so deeply that he broke down the first time he stepped on stage again. Taehyung who lost his most precious pet. Taehyung who faced injuries but never spoke about them. Taehyung who has been going through a hearing problem for 2.5 years now. Taehyung whose pain was invalidated. My heart aches for him. Jungkook who hurt his shin so badly he developed a severe inflammation and is on the verge of getting a stress fracture yet still keeps giving ARMYs 100% of his dedication and never complained. Jungkook who suffered a back injury during a performance. Jungkook who keeps asking fans to understand despite owing us nothing. Jungkook who went through such a difficult time during his military service. Jungkook who despite being one of the most sincere people when it comes to his fans is still misunderstood. Jungkook who is the most precious to my heart. My heart breaks for him. If i could somehow give both of them my share of good health and happiness I would do it in a heartbeat. There is nothing more precious to me than seeing them both healthy happy and living their best lives. despite all the happy moments they have shared with us I’m so glad they felt safe enough to share their struggles with us. I will always be forever grateful that i get to love you both. I genuinely don’t know what the purpose of my life would be without loving them with all my being. Thank you for existing. I will never take your love for granted. Take care my loves 🤍

vjk ☆

57,245 просмотров • 6 дней назад