was not prepared for that

new gif unlocked

BRUTAL cortisol spike here, Johnson. Sex with Kate?

I'm glad I've been taking reta, because otherwise this would have the opposite effect that you intend

It's crazy how makers of those foods own that primal real estate in our brains and equally crazy that we can now just choose to just turn it off if we want with a single injection. A huge shift of relative power.

okay true, cheese product is garbage

and yet it's like bait set in a trap, awaiting

That’s the good stuff. What you’re feeling is despair. You know you want it. 😂

the infinite jest cartridge be like

“what did Bryan see?”

Bryan Johnson out here bringing OG smosh back w/ these 2007 YouTube skits, don’t hate it

Been there, just a different meal. 🐸😈🤭

You just got rid the plastic from your balls, man. Don’t let them back in!

😎😎😎

I think when Bryan took mushrooms he left his soul in the other realm and something else came back

You need @daylightco

Uhh, sweet dreams, I hope.

Please ship Blueprint products to Asia. Please.

Just had the thought “this dude is youngening in front of our eyes” and wanted to share

Literally the first time outside of a cartoon I've seen someone wear that hat

I can see my boys and servants has visited you you aren’t able to sleep so well They told me you look so ugly without the modifications you do to your videos! This ugly spirit will always reveal herself even after spending 100 thousand dollars yes that’s what you spend drifter!

LIFEMAXXING

cortisol spiked a lot just by watching american foods get cooked.

can’t sleep 🤢 goyslop everywhere

what

For a sec, I thought you are going to propose or it's pregnancy announcement

Do you feel like dying yet

If only he used enough cheese

NO GADGETS BEFORE BED!

@MemeREKT2 RIP

I’ll have the cheese existentialism with a side of absurdist dread pls thx

Same energy

Bryan Johnson’s sleep paralysis demon is stadium nachos

Nooooo not so close to bedtime. You'll ruin your sleep with the stress!

🌌 DIGITAL DOPAMINE PSYCHOSIS 🌌 (or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and ♥️ the Scroll) 💀📱 My pupils are permanently dilated to 404 ❌ retinas tattooed with ghost refresh icons 👻🔄 I twitch like a loading bar forever stuck at 69% 😈 close enough to taste it… never close enough to 𝓬𝓾𝓶 💦 Once I chased dragons made of code & flesh 🐉💾 now the dragon chases ME with push notifs & bikini thumbnails 📲👙 that load faster than my crumbling self-respect 🪦 Mainlining TikTok 16 hrs/day 🎞️🔥 veins full of vertical-video insulin 💉📱 blood sugar spiking on micro-doses of “u so hot rn” from xXThroatGoblin420Xx 😭 (7 followers & a dream) Porn tabs breeding like roaches in incognito 🕷️🕸️ each promising THE FINAL HIT 💣 instead they stack like unpaid bills 📜📜📜 until Chrome crashes and I sob because even my failure porn is edging me 😩💔 My dopamine receptors are Vietnam vets 🇻🇳🪖 hollow-eyed, chain-vaping, muttering “it hit different back in ‘17 man… Vine was PURE” 🌀 Wake up humping the mattress like it owes me likes 🛏️❤️ mouth tastes like Mountain Dew & existential dread 🥤💀 check phone before I check if I’m still breathing ⏳ heart rate 140 off a 3-second boob gif ⚡🔥 clinical af They say withdrawal feels like losing God ✝️🕳️ They’re half right. Feels like God ghosted you after 47 nudes 📸 and left you on read for 16 months 😶‍🌫️ Now I sit in the dark 🌑 screen light carving my face into a despair jack-o’-lantern 🎃😭 scrolling for the next micro-death 💀 knowing the dragon already ate the princess, castle, kingdom 🐉🏰🍖 and I’m still refreshing the “you died” screen hoping for extra lives 🎮❌ There are no extra lives. Only extra tabs. And the quiet, terrible sound of my soul buffering at 0% forever… ⏳🖤 Pray for me. 🙏 Or don’t. Either way I’ll get the notification anyway 🔔😈

Admittedly, this is funny.