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When Neep isn't planning his escape plans, he's practising his #heatedrivalry pole dancing in front of boyfriend Broccoli. (Check out how unimpressed Thrusty Clappernut's is in the background)

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Sally Urwin

23,691 subscribers

11,017 Aufrufe • vor 3 Monaten •via X (Twitter)

#heatedrivalry
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11am: Neep is on his coffee break. He's staring at his locked gate. He knows that a garden of unearthly and sensual delights awaits beyond. Involving the postman, bedding plants and possibly custard creams. At 12pm Neep discovers that the front gate has a new layer of security; a loop of baler twine. Neep will have to evolve hands to escape. At 1pm Neep remembers he has teeth. He sets to work. 2pm: Neep has finally ground through the twine. His boyfriend Broccoli is watching him in confusion. Neep scoffs. Broccoli doesn't have the extra brain cell that Neep has. Or the bravery. Or immense beauty. 2.05pm: There's a sudden shout from outside my window. "Arghfuckoffyoumassiveweirdsheep!" Neep is harassing the post man. And most shamefully grinding on his Royal Mail issued shorts. 2.10pm: Neep is shoved back in his field, chewing happily on a stolen bedding plant. After a lap of honour, watched by his adoring Broccoli, he starts reinspecting the front gate. Neep chews thoughtfully on a brand new gate chain. He's not sure where it came from. Broccoli is no help. 3pm: I'm on the phone hysterically apologising to the post office. Neep doesn't care. He starts to plan his next escape. This time he's going to bring his boyfriend Broccoli. Postmen's knees and custard creams await.
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11am: Neep is on his coffee break. He's staring at his locked gate. He knows that a garden of unearthly and sensual delights awaits beyond. Involving the postman, bedding plants and possibly custard creams. At 12pm Neep discovers that the front gate has a new layer of security; a loop of baler twine. Neep will have to evolve hands to escape. At 1pm Neep remembers he has teeth. He sets to work. 2pm: Neep has finally ground through the twine. His boyfriend Broccoli is watching him in confusion. Neep scoffs. Broccoli doesn't have the extra brain cell that Neep has. Or the bravery. Or immense beauty. 2.05pm: There's a sudden shout from outside my window. "Arghfuckoffyoumassiveweirdsheep!" Neep is harassing the post man. And most shamefully grinding on his Royal Mail issued shorts. 2.10pm: Neep is shoved back in his field, chewing happily on a stolen bedding plant. After a lap of honour, watched by his adoring Broccoli, he starts reinspecting the front gate. Neep chews thoughtfully on a brand new gate chain. He's not sure where it came from. Broccoli is no help. 3pm: I'm on the phone hysterically apologising to the post office. Neep doesn't care. He starts to plan his next escape. This time he's going to bring his boyfriend Broccoli. Postmen's knees and custard creams await.

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