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Simon Sinek on why society gets relationships wrong: Simon Sinek opens up about the decades-long stress of being judged for his relationship status. "I've gone on dates where literally the person I'm on a date with [asks] 'have you ever been married?' I'm like no. They're like 'what's your longest relationship?' I'm like about three years. And they say to me, 'What's wrong with you? Why haven't you been married?'" He explains the weight he carried from internalising this judgment: "The stress that I've carried for decades… I believed my own narrative that I am a failure and I am bad at relationships. And people like, 'you have commitment issues.' They all diagnose me and it didn't sound right because I don't think I do. Maybe I do. It's stressful and you carry that weight that I'm bad at relationships and I don't know how to make people happy." Then Simon shares the insight that challenged his entire self-narrative. He describes a friend who spent 16 years in an unhealthy relationship: "She admits freely that she should have been in it for one year. Society looks at her and says, 'She did it right. I did it wrong.'" He continues: "She got it right and I got it wrong. There's something wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with her because there's something flawed in you if you can't figure out how to do it. But [she was] staying in a 16-year relationship that you should have only been in for one that was unhealthy and unhappy and just not a good thing." That realisation reframed everything: "I'm a very happy person despite my lack of relationships because I have great friends." Simon's bigger point is about what society chooses to value: "Why does society overvalue the romantic relationship? This is the world we live in where there's an excessive amount of pressure to get married, white picket fence, 1.3 children or whatever the statistic is. And entire economies [are built] on how to find it, nurse it, get it, make it. And yet there's so little on friendship." We've built a cultural scoreboard that rewards people for staying in the wrong relationship longer than people who leave or never enter the wrong one. A 16-year unhappy marriage gets treated as success. A happy life full of deep friendships gets treated as a problem to be diagnosed. Maybe the real question isn't "what's wrong with you for not being married?" it's "what's wrong with a culture that measures a life by that metric in the first place?"

Big Brain Psychology

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