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Nobody’s perfect. This week I’ve been exploring attachment, a deep emotional bond between infants and their parents. In prior posts we’ve discussed four different attachment styles, with an emphasis on the most desirable and healthy of them all: secure attachment. Yesterday I emphasized that attachment styles result not from...

111,350 görüntüleme • 1 yıl önce •via X (Twitter)

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Your baby thrives on predictability. Specifically, yours. This week I’ve been talking about attachment, which holds long lasting consequences for your child’s mental and physical health (not to mention their cognitive development). Secure attachments in infancy occur when parents’ interactions with their babies are: Warm. Responsive. Safe. And consistently so. I’ve shared lots of important tips in the past. Tips on reading to your child. Tips on play. Tips on language development. But I want to be clear that attachment has nothing to do with the number of toys or books in your home. Or how well you interact most of the time. Attachment is a product of your predictability. It’s how you interact EVERY time. It’s what you teach your child to expect from you as their caregiver. Inconsistency in the way adults interact with children - warm and responsive one day and potentially cold and distracted the next - is detrimental to secure attachment. When children don’t know what to expect from day to day, it creates anxiety. And this activates the body’s stress response systems. Continually. This is one reason that it’s so important for parents to thoughtfully manage their own stress, exhaustion, safety, and mental health needs. When you aren’t at your best for yourself, you likely won’t be at your best for your baby. As an aside, consistency is also why I’ve spoken out about viral social media trends that undermine trust and predictability by inserting chaotic behaviors into the parent-child relationship. Several months ago - if you can believe it - it was unexpectedly cracking open an egg on your child’s forehead. This week it seems to be throwing slices of American cheese at/onto your baby’s head/face. (I wish I was making this up.) While it’s easy for us as to dismiss such behaviors as jokes, to young children they are detrimental for precisely the reason some adults may find them funny: they’re unexpected. But when your otherwise kind and attentive parent randomly acts with callousness - if even for a moment - it breaks a stable pattern. It provides a new data point that suggests you may be warm and caring… but also may not be dependably. And this is precisely what undermines attachment. (The good news is that an otherwise stable attachment is unlikely to be permanently disrupted by one dumb mistake. We all make them. Still… don’t. Just don’t.) Be kind, be responsive, and do it predictably. I’ll never share the kind of videos I described above. In their place, enjoy this warm and secure interaction between storyoferica (IG) and her happy little one.

Dan Wuori

169,524 görüntüleme • 1 yıl önce

Have a new baby - or love someone who does? You’ll want to keep a special eye on this space, because this week I’m going to talk about infancy’s most critical outcome and how to achieve it. That outcome: Secure attachment. The earliest months of life are a busy time developmentally. Over a period of just weeks, newborns establish important feeding habits, begin to smile and recognize faces, begin developing early forms of receptive and spoken language…the list goes on and on. Each of these developments is hugely consequential. But none holds a candle to attachment. What is it - and why is it important? Attachment involves the establishment of deep relational trust between parent and child. It’s more than just feeding. Or talking. Or playing. Securely attached babies develop a deep and abiding trust that you are (and will continue to be) available and responsive as a caregiver. That you can be relied on to meet their needs and ensure their safety. And that trust makes a world of difference for children. Secure attachment is the bedrock of our long-term mental health… a gift you can give your baby with lifelong benefits. How is it formed? Not surprisingly, through consistency. Be warm. Be responsive. And be there. Over. And over. And over. It’s a big job. (But rest assured it doesn’t require perfection. Parenting is hard enough without that pressure.) This week I’ll unpack four different types of attachment, how you can improve the quality of your own attachment, and how the development of secure relationships with a small circle of key caregivers (parents, grandparents, teachers) can set your child on a path that will support them even as adults. This trusting little one was shared to IG by bebegimlemutluyum.

Dan Wuori

256,065 görüntüleme • 1 yıl önce

How are insecure attachments repaired? This week I’ve been exploring the concept of attachment (a deep emotional bond created between parents and their children during the earliest months and years of life). In doing so I’ve focused primarily on the goal of secure attachment. But not all attachments begin securely. Which begs a pair of questions: What causes insecure attachments and how can they be strengthened? While anxious and disorganized attachment types can certainly result from erratic parenting, the toxic stress created by unsafe environments, and/or abuse and neglect, it’s important to keep in mind that early relational challenges occur on a broad spectrum of severity and sometimes aren’t the result of any parental shortcoming at all. In fact, some root causes may not even be within parental control. Children born extremely prematurely, for example, may spend weeks or months in a neonatal intensive care unit. While essential to their survival, the situation can limit early interaction with even the most attentive and well equipped parents. What else might impact attachment quality? The list is likely a long one. Severe postpartum depression, a prolonged military deployment… anything that might present a barrier to strong relational health between a parent and child. In complex (traumatic) cases of disorganized attachment, families may require a combination of specialized infant mental health services, therapy, and other professional supports. But in many cases the solution is as simple as a heaping dose of what was missing in the first place: predictably warm and responsive interactions. Children are remarkably resilient - and while it may take time to create updated patterns of interaction and establish them as the “new normal,” insecure attachments can often become secure with focused effort. So take heart. And watch as secure attachment begins to take hold. —— This happy (and securely attached!) duo was shared to IG by tiny.charmzz.

Dan Wuori

95,280 görüntüleme • 1 yıl önce

Infant sleep can be such a tricky thing. Just as soon as you get reaccustomed to resting through the night, all of a sudden your baby reverts to waking multiple times a night. Welcome to the 8 month sleep regression. Interruptions in sleep patterns often coincide with the development of new skills and somewhere around 8 months you’re due for the biggest of them all. That’s because your baby is becoming mobile - and putting all the skills together to roll, crawl, and even pull to a stand in their crib. For infants this is a HUGE breakthrough. Imagine having spent your entire life mostly stationary, with your ability to pursue your own interests - or even adjust your view - subject to the whims of a caregiver. Somewhere between 6-9 months most babies begin discovering a host of new abilities. And let’s face it, some of them are a lot more entertaining than sleep. The good news (at 3am) is that the novelty here is temporary…but there are some important ways you can help your baby to navigate this period safely. Perhaps the most important one is illustrated in this video. And that’s adjusting the height of your child’s crib mattress to its lowest level. With newborns and immobile infants, it’s often convenient to elevate their mattress so they can be placed into and retrieved from the crib more easily. But when your baby begins pulling to a stand it’s critical that you lower their mattress to prevent accidental falls. Babies are top heavy and can easily go tumbling out without such adjustments. You may also find that your baby masters pulling to a stand faster than they master sitting back down - which can create a crib dilemma and a need for assistance. You can navigate through this phase more quickly by providing lots of wakeful practice in both standing and sitting, which may involve gently guiding your little one to bend their legs at the knee - or even placing an appealing toy on the ground near their feet to incentivize sitting back down. As for the sleep regression, it’ll be over before you know it. And while it can be frustrating in the middle of the night, think of it as a breakthrough. Your baby is reaching new developmental milestones - and about to go fully mobile. This sweet little guy was shared to IG by fesgheliha_.

Dan Wuori

129,739 görüntüleme • 2 yıl önce

Universities and High Schools have not moved rapidly enough to guide students to have skills for the next decade. THEY HAVE FAILED. It is a massive crisis that can be averted by understanding what AI and Robotics will bring about. Solutions are knowing how to use these tools and new industries that will rise. But this situation is also on ALL OF US. No “job” is safe from founder to entry level in most industries. You and I, by what we do, will be “replaced” ultimately. What to do? AI and Robotics are tools, the next decade is owned by those who know how to use them expertly, but this is also temporary. We have to understand that what we do for “work” will change giving ultimately a greater value to those that are: Creative Flexible Always learning Willing to be wrong Love being human Love being alive Know history Covet wisdom Knowing all tech has downsides Building strong family and friends Realize many institutions have failed The first four are required for you to be able to live through this period with your sanity intact. The rest will allow you to thrive. There are no true careers at this point anymore. There are advocation and vocations which will either earn you money or give life meaning. We will learn that we are not “what we do”, just like we knew for 99% of human existence. Let that sink in. — You and I are far, far ahead of knowing this and we can do two things: 1) Laugh at the “clueless” 2) Help people understand with grace Go to Reddit if you are 1, in fact don’t follow me because you will not like this next decade and what I post. You are 2 and thank you. Even if you and I have not solved this issue, we can help people understand what is ahead and with determination and creativity bound together to solve it locally. Or human family has done this millions of times. The evidence is: you are here. The Neo Luddite movement has not even begun and it will potentially rip apart society even more than all the fashionable moment in the recent past has. These Luddites will have a good point with the wrong answers cooked up by dying academics that cling to labels, “virtues” and victim hood. It will be readymade for some governments to enter in as “big daddy” to “help us”. You will not like what they do, but you will only know when it is too late. It will include YOU “volunteering” to “leave” by 60, to “help out” CanadaPod style. “Brian, I’m 24 what do I do?”. I hope to do much more here to help. But I do know this: 1) Learn a trade or vocation because it’s valuable. It may also be free to low cost if you do it right. 2) Learn everything you can about USING AI and TRAINING YOUR AI. Your expertise will be in the top 1% for a decade. But not forever. 3) Understand Bitcoin and how it will rise while other things sink. This is a short list for now. We will know more moving forward. When you see videos like this posted below, know one thing: Many of these folks had no real family of mental and physical support. Maybe no parent or one parent. Maybe only a broke system to prepare them for—nothing. This was not their doing. Now it is not your “job” to help them, it is your survival to help them if that is what you need. See some day after the dust settles these 20 year olds will be 40 year olds and running YOUR world. And at some point you may need them more than you think you do. You will need them, as they need you now. THIS IS WHAT PAST WISDOM KNEW. The elders of the past never found the need to piss on the youth and hope for the best. THE YOUTH ARE OUR BEST, let us all find ways to change it, even if every aspect of “the system” wants us to berate them into the ground.

Brian Roemmele

36,512 görüntüleme • 10 ay önce

How long should my baby use a pacifier? I get this question a lot and it’s a tough one - both because there isn’t a single correct answer and because (like feeding and sleep) the topic brings out lots of strong opinions. But if you ask me, the family in this video has the right idea. Infants are born with a strong sucking reflex and pacifiers can help them to soothe and sleep. There’s even some evidence to suggest that sleeping with pacifiers might reduce the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). In short: for babies (up to a year), I’m a big fan. But it’s not uncommon to see children with pacifiers well into toddlerhood, and in some cases, even beyond. And here I’d raise some important cautions. Children who rely heavily on pacifiers may be more prone to middle ear infections. And dentists note that prolonged pacifier use can affect your child’s teeth and create bite issues. Perhaps most importantly is their potential to impact expressive language development. Your child’s ability to speak is an important one. After a point, language shapes not only the content of our thinking, but the very structure of our cognition. By otherwise occupying the mouth over long periods of time, pacifiers may slow language development by limiting opportunities for expression. Speaking with a pacifier in the mouth can also lead to distortion of speech sounds (even when they aren’t in the mouth). All told, I’m an advocate for beginning to wean off of pacifiers at around a year of age - which is why this video spoke to me. We see an infant appropriately using one and big sister demonstrating her expressive language, her mouth unencumbered and free to chatter away happily. The transition can be difficult - but not nearly as challenging as for a child who has become dependent over a period of years. Do/did you use pacifiers with your child? Why or why not? How did you help transition away from their use? This sweet siblings were shared to IG by _lullabye_luxuries_.

Dan Wuori

157,980 görüntüleme • 2 yıl önce

I feel weird even bringing this up, but here we go. Subscriptions are open on my page. There is no graceful way to say that, so please take this with a kind heart. I know a lot of people are struggling financially, and I don’t want anyone stretching themselves for me. I have a great job. I’m just letting people know it exists because some of you asked. I’m not even saying I’m worth the money. I’ll be honest, I’m not the best person to subscribe to. I’m not an OnlyFans girl, I’m not teaching you how to get monetized, I’m not running a masterclass in anything. The subscriber section is literally just more personal, everyday stuff. It’s boring in a comforting way. You’re not missing anything. If you ever feel like hanging out with me on the quieter side of this app, it’s there. If not, all good. I just wanted to put it out there for anyone who might be interested. Pro tip: if you subscribe to anyone, please do it on a browser. If you do it through the Apple Store or the Google store, they take 30% and put it in their pocket. Those companies are rich enough. I have a real problem with them getting any money or subscribers. I didn’t know that when I first started subscribing to people. PS: if you are a current subscriber or a new subscriber, please go to my homepage and click on the subs tab. I post content there, but it doesn’t automatically show up in your feed. PPS: Please don’t be nasty to me in the comments if you don’t want to subscribe. I’m not a mean person. I can’t think of a humble way to tell people. This wasn’t easy for me to write.

Sovey

21,268 görüntüleme • 8 ay önce

Baby talk vs “parentese” - what’s the difference? Often in my replies I see parents explaining why - as a method of promoting language acquisition - they never use “baby talk.” I generally agree with this sentiment, but there are some important distinctions to be made here. If by “baby talk” you mean using cutesy nonsense words (like wa-wa for water or ba-ba for bottle) you’re on the right track. There’s no need for you to make up incorrect or overly simplified vocabulary on your child’s behalf. Use real words, even if your child isn’t quite ready to do so themself. It’s how they learn. But sometimes I see confusion between “baby talk” and what is known as “motherese” or “parentese” - which isn’t nonsensical, but simply slower and more varied in intonation. (Think of Ms. Rachel’s sing-songy voice.) And this isn’t something you need to shy away from at all. In fact, research suggests that parentese - with its prolonged vowel sounds and expressive facial expressions - can be a social hook that attracts children’s attention, encouraging them to attune not only to the language to which they are being exposed but how it is produced. Importantly, it’s complete and grammatically correct… just a little more performative than you might use elsewhere. This lovely video, shared to IG by tommypadula, is a nice example. Everything mom says is 100% correct… it’s simply exaggerated in ways that are clearly capturing her daughter’s rapt attention. Just look at the smiles and eye contact it’s attracting. This isn’t baby talk. It’s parentese. And it’s fantastic.

Dan Wuori

28,721 görüntüleme • 10 ay önce

Apparently, I saw this video online and I decided to share. What this worker is applying is called bitumen, or what many of us know as bituminous coating. Most people think a wall is a solid, impenetrable block, but in reality, it is more like a sponge. Concrete and blocks have microscopic pores that pull water from the earth through a process we call capillary action. This thick black substance is the shield that stops that water from climbing up into the house. It is not about making the wall look good because this part will be buried under the dirt forever. It is about creating a skin that water cannot breathe through. When do you need to do this? The need for this arises because the soil is a very aggressive environment. Water is not your only enemy.. The ground also contains salts and sulfates that want to eat away at the cement. If this moisture finds its way to the steel bars inside the columns, those bars will start to rust. And when steel rusts, it expands, and that expansion is what cracks the concrete from the inside out. This coating is the only thing standing between your foundation and that kind of slow destruction. Thats is why if you see wet patches at the bottom of your walls inside your house, it usually means someone skipped this step or did it poorly during construction. You can apply this anytime you are building parts of a structure that will stay in contact with the ground. It is common in areas where the water table is high or where the soil stays damp for most of the year. This is a one-shot opportunity. Once you backfill the soil, you can never go back to fix it without a lot of expense and a lot of digging. It is about having the foresight to protect the heart of the building while it is still exposed. Please don’t ignore this if you need to. If you ignore it now to save a bit of money, you will be funding the future decay of your own home. I hope this helps.

A.Y.O

75,105 görüntüleme • 3 ay önce