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Your baby thrives on predictability. Specifically, yours. This week I’ve been talking about attachment, which holds long lasting consequences for your child’s mental and physical health (not to mention their cognitive development). Secure attachments in infancy occur when parents’ interactions with their babies are: Warm. Responsive. Safe. And consistently...

169,588 просмотров • 2 лет назад •via X (Twitter)

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Have a new baby - or love someone who does? You’ll want to keep a special eye on this space, because this week I’m going to talk about infancy’s most critical outcome and how to achieve it. That outcome: Secure attachment. The earliest months of life are a busy time developmentally. Over a period of just weeks, newborns establish important feeding habits, begin to smile and recognize faces, begin developing early forms of receptive and spoken language…the list goes on and on. Each of these developments is hugely consequential. But none holds a candle to attachment. What is it - and why is it important? Attachment involves the establishment of deep relational trust between parent and child. It’s more than just feeding. Or talking. Or playing. Securely attached babies develop a deep and abiding trust that you are (and will continue to be) available and responsive as a caregiver. That you can be relied on to meet their needs and ensure their safety. And that trust makes a world of difference for children. Secure attachment is the bedrock of our long-term mental health… a gift you can give your baby with lifelong benefits. How is it formed? Not surprisingly, through consistency. Be warm. Be responsive. And be there. Over. And over. And over. It’s a big job. (But rest assured it doesn’t require perfection. Parenting is hard enough without that pressure.) This week I’ll unpack four different types of attachment, how you can improve the quality of your own attachment, and how the development of secure relationships with a small circle of key caregivers (parents, grandparents, teachers) can set your child on a path that will support them even as adults. This trusting little one was shared to IG by bebegimlemutluyum.

Dan Wuori

256,109 просмотров • 2 лет назад

Nobody’s perfect. This week I’ve been exploring attachment, a deep emotional bond between infants and their parents. In prior posts we’ve discussed four different attachment styles, with an emphasis on the most desirable and healthy of them all: secure attachment. Yesterday I emphasized that attachment styles result not from how you interact with your child SOME of the time, but how you interact ALL of the time - by which I mean that the totality of your interactions and the consistent and predictable patterns you establish with your child are what determines these outcomes. For this reason, your default mode should be warm and responsive. But today I want to insert a small, but important, caveat. Or at least a little more nuance. Nobody’s perfect. Nobody. As a well-intentioned parent it’s easy to hold yourself to an impossibly high standard. And that’s a recipe for fueling your own anxiety and ill health. The truth is that you can’t be instantly responsive 24/7 to your child’s every possible need. This isn’t an excuse to slack off. But it is a reminder to be kind to yourself. Parents are human. And we all have our lesser moments. We can be moody, stressed, exhausted... Sometimes we’re upset. Or distracted. And sometimes you need to take a shower. Or answer a knock on the door. Life happens. And the last thing I want you to take away from this conversation is a sense that any missed opportunity - or even the occasional boneheaded mistake - will cause your child irreparable harm. Instead think of attachment kind of like a jury might in a civil trial: what does the preponderance of the evidence suggest? Are you ALMOST always meeting your mark? If so, take this post as a little peace of mind. Secure attachment doesn’t require a perfect report card. If it did, secure attachments likely wouldn’t exist. The late pediatrician Donald Winnicot is credited with the concept of “good enough parenting” - which I’ve always found to be a really useful frame. This same concept holds true for lots of other advice that I’ve offered, by the way. Do you want to plop your baby in front of a screen all day? Absolutely not. Is it realistic to think they’ll never be exposed to one? Also probably not. Parenting isn’t an all or nothing proposition. So aim high… but give yourself a little grace. As instructed in this video posted to IG by digitalmumincome, I’m sharing it to let you know you’re doing an amazing job. (If you read regularly you’ll know this child is actually in active sleep - which sometimes includes eye opening… and most likely smiling reflexively…but it’s cute and its other message fits today’s post. So just enjoy!)

Dan Wuori

111,350 просмотров • 2 лет назад

How are insecure attachments repaired? This week I’ve been exploring the concept of attachment (a deep emotional bond created between parents and their children during the earliest months and years of life). In doing so I’ve focused primarily on the goal of secure attachment. But not all attachments begin securely. Which begs a pair of questions: What causes insecure attachments and how can they be strengthened? While anxious and disorganized attachment types can certainly result from erratic parenting, the toxic stress created by unsafe environments, and/or abuse and neglect, it’s important to keep in mind that early relational challenges occur on a broad spectrum of severity and sometimes aren’t the result of any parental shortcoming at all. In fact, some root causes may not even be within parental control. Children born extremely prematurely, for example, may spend weeks or months in a neonatal intensive care unit. While essential to their survival, the situation can limit early interaction with even the most attentive and well equipped parents. What else might impact attachment quality? The list is likely a long one. Severe postpartum depression, a prolonged military deployment… anything that might present a barrier to strong relational health between a parent and child. In complex (traumatic) cases of disorganized attachment, families may require a combination of specialized infant mental health services, therapy, and other professional supports. But in many cases the solution is as simple as a heaping dose of what was missing in the first place: predictably warm and responsive interactions. Children are remarkably resilient - and while it may take time to create updated patterns of interaction and establish them as the “new normal,” insecure attachments can often become secure with focused effort. So take heart. And watch as secure attachment begins to take hold. —— This happy (and securely attached!) duo was shared to IG by tiny.charmzz.

Dan Wuori

95,280 просмотров • 2 лет назад

Is your toddler suddenly throwing (or dropping) everything they get their hands on? Food, toys… you name it. You’re not alone. This week I’ve been introducing play schemas, 9 common patterns that can help to demystify your toddler’s seemingly random behaviors. And you guessed it: this is one. We call it the trajectory schema. If you take nothing else away from this post, let it be this: your little one doesn’t throw things because they are misbehaving or “bad.” Babies throw things because they are babies. And they are learning as they do so. Learning about cause and effect. Learning about gravity. Learning what (and practicing something new) they can do with their bodies. Learning hand-eye coordination. It’s a completely normal part of development. And the fascination won’t last forever. The real question is, how do you manage it? First, be proactive. Expect that anything your little one handles might reasonably be thrown or dropped. So choose wisely, avoiding items that are valuable or might pose a danger to them or others if they suddenly took flight. Second, depending on the age of your child, begin introducing some natural consequences. Put the toy/object away temporarily after it is thrown (if throwing it is dangerous or inappropriate). And involve your child in the subsequent clean-up. You can also redirect. Explain which things are and are not for throwing. Model the correct use of these objects. Finally, lean into it. Recognizing that young children are drawn to throwing, provide items that are safe and acceptable to throw. Soft toys. Socks. Balls. And look for opportunities and settings for your little one to explore this urge safely and appropriately. How did you manage your toddler’s throwing phase? Welcome your tips and tricks! This sweet little throwing machine was posted to TT by kristinnicole122.

Dan Wuori

168,971 просмотров • 2 лет назад

Infant sleep can be such a tricky thing. Just as soon as you get reaccustomed to resting through the night, all of a sudden your baby reverts to waking multiple times a night. Welcome to the 8 month sleep regression. Interruptions in sleep patterns often coincide with the development of new skills and somewhere around 8 months you’re due for the biggest of them all. That’s because your baby is becoming mobile - and putting all the skills together to roll, crawl, and even pull to a stand in their crib. For infants this is a HUGE breakthrough. Imagine having spent your entire life mostly stationary, with your ability to pursue your own interests - or even adjust your view - subject to the whims of a caregiver. Somewhere between 6-9 months most babies begin discovering a host of new abilities. And let’s face it, some of them are a lot more entertaining than sleep. The good news (at 3am) is that the novelty here is temporary…but there are some important ways you can help your baby to navigate this period safely. Perhaps the most important one is illustrated in this video. And that’s adjusting the height of your child’s crib mattress to its lowest level. With newborns and immobile infants, it’s often convenient to elevate their mattress so they can be placed into and retrieved from the crib more easily. But when your baby begins pulling to a stand it’s critical that you lower their mattress to prevent accidental falls. Babies are top heavy and can easily go tumbling out without such adjustments. You may also find that your baby masters pulling to a stand faster than they master sitting back down - which can create a crib dilemma and a need for assistance. You can navigate through this phase more quickly by providing lots of wakeful practice in both standing and sitting, which may involve gently guiding your little one to bend their legs at the knee - or even placing an appealing toy on the ground near their feet to incentivize sitting back down. As for the sleep regression, it’ll be over before you know it. And while it can be frustrating in the middle of the night, think of it as a breakthrough. Your baby is reaching new developmental milestones - and about to go fully mobile. This sweet little guy was shared to IG by fesgheliha_.

Dan Wuori

129,739 просмотров • 2 лет назад

How long should my baby use a pacifier? I get this question a lot and it’s a tough one - both because there isn’t a single correct answer and because (like feeding and sleep) the topic brings out lots of strong opinions. But if you ask me, the family in this video has the right idea. Infants are born with a strong sucking reflex and pacifiers can help them to soothe and sleep. There’s even some evidence to suggest that sleeping with pacifiers might reduce the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). In short: for babies (up to a year), I’m a big fan. But it’s not uncommon to see children with pacifiers well into toddlerhood, and in some cases, even beyond. And here I’d raise some important cautions. Children who rely heavily on pacifiers may be more prone to middle ear infections. And dentists note that prolonged pacifier use can affect your child’s teeth and create bite issues. Perhaps most importantly is their potential to impact expressive language development. Your child’s ability to speak is an important one. After a point, language shapes not only the content of our thinking, but the very structure of our cognition. By otherwise occupying the mouth over long periods of time, pacifiers may slow language development by limiting opportunities for expression. Speaking with a pacifier in the mouth can also lead to distortion of speech sounds (even when they aren’t in the mouth). All told, I’m an advocate for beginning to wean off of pacifiers at around a year of age - which is why this video spoke to me. We see an infant appropriately using one and big sister demonstrating her expressive language, her mouth unencumbered and free to chatter away happily. The transition can be difficult - but not nearly as challenging as for a child who has become dependent over a period of years. Do/did you use pacifiers with your child? Why or why not? How did you help transition away from their use? This sweet siblings were shared to IG by _lullabye_luxuries_.

Dan Wuori

158,122 просмотров • 2 лет назад

Universities and High Schools have not moved rapidly enough to guide students to have skills for the next decade. THEY HAVE FAILED. It is a massive crisis that can be averted by understanding what AI and Robotics will bring about. Solutions are knowing how to use these tools and new industries that will rise. But this situation is also on ALL OF US. No “job” is safe from founder to entry level in most industries. You and I, by what we do, will be “replaced” ultimately. What to do? AI and Robotics are tools, the next decade is owned by those who know how to use them expertly, but this is also temporary. We have to understand that what we do for “work” will change giving ultimately a greater value to those that are: Creative Flexible Always learning Willing to be wrong Love being human Love being alive Know history Covet wisdom Knowing all tech has downsides Building strong family and friends Realize many institutions have failed The first four are required for you to be able to live through this period with your sanity intact. The rest will allow you to thrive. There are no true careers at this point anymore. There are advocation and vocations which will either earn you money or give life meaning. We will learn that we are not “what we do”, just like we knew for 99% of human existence. Let that sink in. — You and I are far, far ahead of knowing this and we can do two things: 1) Laugh at the “clueless” 2) Help people understand with grace Go to Reddit if you are 1, in fact don’t follow me because you will not like this next decade and what I post. You are 2 and thank you. Even if you and I have not solved this issue, we can help people understand what is ahead and with determination and creativity bound together to solve it locally. Or human family has done this millions of times. The evidence is: you are here. The Neo Luddite movement has not even begun and it will potentially rip apart society even more than all the fashionable moment in the recent past has. These Luddites will have a good point with the wrong answers cooked up by dying academics that cling to labels, “virtues” and victim hood. It will be readymade for some governments to enter in as “big daddy” to “help us”. You will not like what they do, but you will only know when it is too late. It will include YOU “volunteering” to “leave” by 60, to “help out” CanadaPod style. “Brian, I’m 24 what do I do?”. I hope to do much more here to help. But I do know this: 1) Learn a trade or vocation because it’s valuable. It may also be free to low cost if you do it right. 2) Learn everything you can about USING AI and TRAINING YOUR AI. Your expertise will be in the top 1% for a decade. But not forever. 3) Understand Bitcoin and how it will rise while other things sink. This is a short list for now. We will know more moving forward. When you see videos like this posted below, know one thing: Many of these folks had no real family of mental and physical support. Maybe no parent or one parent. Maybe only a broke system to prepare them for—nothing. This was not their doing. Now it is not your “job” to help them, it is your survival to help them if that is what you need. See some day after the dust settles these 20 year olds will be 40 year olds and running YOUR world. And at some point you may need them more than you think you do. You will need them, as they need you now. THIS IS WHAT PAST WISDOM KNEW. The elders of the past never found the need to piss on the youth and hope for the best. THE YOUTH ARE OUR BEST, let us all find ways to change it, even if every aspect of “the system” wants us to berate them into the ground.

Brian Roemmele

37,681 просмотров • 11 месяцев назад

Learning is something you and your baby do together. You can think of the process as happening in three distinct stages, during which skills are transferred gradually from you to your little one: During the first stage, your baby is observing the behavior and skills of others. During the second, they begin to emulate these behaviors - and can find success with the support of a helpful adult (you) or more expert peer (often a sibling). And gradually they internalize these skills and perform them all by themselves. This video is a great example of the shared second phase. Infants explore the world with their mouths. But an important lesson of toddlerhood is that some things are for putting in our mouths, while others are not. This little one knows that we don’t eat the Play-Doh. But it sure is tempting! Watch as he breaks off a piece and brings it to his mouth. As he does his eyes lift and he realizes that Mom is watching - which alone prompts some introspection. He grins broadly, shakes his head and exclaims “No, no, no” - using Mom’s past words to affirm his decision to place the Play-Doh back on the table. Left to his own devices, who knows? But together, without exchanging a word, he managed to make the right choice. As a parent it’s important to remember the key role you play in the learning process. And that extends to your child’s behavior. Self-regulation begins as co-regulation. So be there. This sweet little guy was shared to IG by parentosa.

Dan Wuori

75,169 просмотров • 2 лет назад

Reading with your baby isn’t always as simple as it might seem. Earlier this week, a parent asked how I’d advise reading to a toddler who may not have the attention span for a full book and who, when handling them, often tears the pages. I’m so glad you asked! This fantastic video, shared to TT a couple years back by hanzcakess, illustrates both the realities of - and several important lessons for - parents and caregivers when it comes to reading with infants and toddlers. First, when reading with very young children it’s important to begin with realistic expectations. At this little guy’s age (which I’m going to guess is around a year, give or take 2 months) babies‘ attention spans are VERY limited. Think 1-2 minutes tops. What does that mean for you? First it means that you’re unlikely to make it through an entire book. And that’s just fine. Rest assured that there’s still great value in the activity. Further, don’t be surprised if your child is more interested in interacting with (or at the earliest stages, even chewing on) the book itself rather than attending to the story it contains. That’s ok too. For both reasons, beginning with sturdy, laminated board books is well advised. Not only do these tend to be super short (with most intended to accommodate for babies’ brief attention spans), but they’re made to withstand the rigors of handling by infants and toddlers. Now, some might look at this video and (on first glance, at least) see primarily inattention. But not me! Here’s what I see: First, I see a completely normal toddler who’s already putting some really impressive book knowledge on display. Notice he’s advancing front to back and left to right as he turns pages sequentially. They’ve done this often. Also want to shout out what a truly fantastic job Dad is doing here. Notice that he’s totally letting his son dictate the terms the activity. He’s not insistent on completing the text, but goes with the flow as his son turns the pages. As the pages turn he’s helping to illustrate that the print on each one contains a unique message. And he’s singing the text! Brown Bear is a great book for this and many board books lend themselves particularly well here. Your baby isn’t judging your singing voice. Kudos on making the experience engaging. In light of all the above, don’t be afraid to stray from the text altogether as needed and use this time to simply engage in conversation about the pictures and introduce some new vocabulary. Finally, while lap reading is fantastic, at this age you may also find benefit in reading face to face, allowing your child to tune into your expressions alongside the book. Remember, there’s nothing your baby loves seeing more than you. Rest assured this stage doesn’t last forever. You’ll be snuggling up for longer sessions in no time. And while we’re on the topic of reading, I want to give a special shout out to my friends at Reach Out and Read, which is a fantastic program you may know from distributing books and sharing advice like this via your pediatrician’s office. Today I’m thrilled to be the guest on their newest podcast, discussing my book The Daycare Myth. I’ll include a link in the first reply below.

Dan Wuori

57,124 просмотров • 1 год назад